I didn’t grow up doing in-depth Bible studies so when I “discovered” the Bible in my early twenties, it was an exciting adventure to dig for treasure in the Word of God.
Along with Scripture itself, I devoured book after book on theology.
I could not get enough.
By my mid-thirties I had developed a fairly well-defined and defensible doctrine. I really thought I understood how God works in the world.
Then my son died.
And all the things I thought I knew, all the absolutes I had marked down in an notebook followed by an underlined verse to support them, didn’t seem so solid or well-defined.
I never questioned certain fundamental truths:
- God is in control.
- God is good.
- God is present and will not abandon me.
But what form His goodness and control might take was unpredictable and many times beyond my understanding.
I’ve learned in the years since is that I don’t have to understand. I don’t have to have my theological ducks in a row. I don’t have to be able to give a defense (to myself or others) of how God works in the world.
I don’t have to have faith that moves mountains.
I only need mustard seed faith and God will do the rest.
I only need to hold onto the hem of His garment, and Jesus will honor my outstretched hand and heart.