And The Gap Grows: Trying To Remember In a World That Forgets

I’ve written before about how I choose to leave some things just as Dominic left them-even over five years later.

It’s my way of maintaining physical space in our home that represents the space in my heart where only he can fit.

It’s also more than that.

As time progresses, nearly every other tangible evidence that Dominic existed is being worn away.

Sure there are photographs-but even they are growing old while he is not. No fresh adventures captured on phone or film. No new Facebook or Twitter posts. No new anything.

And as he becomes less relevant to other people’s lives, the gap between my experience and their’s grows ever larger.

Because he is just as relevant to my life as he ever was.

I have four children. Dominic is third of four, second of three boys. He is Uncle Dominic to my new grandson although Ryker won’t meet him in this life. He is my encouragement to keep doing hard things because he never allowed difficulty or pain to stop him from doing them.

His absence looms large. Every. single. day.

And sometimes, when it seems the world has forgotten him, when all the bits and pieces of who he was in life and how he touched others are floating away in the ocean of human activity, it looms larger.

So on those days I’m a little weepy.

On those days I may talk of him more.

On those days I might have to pull out the old photos and post them online.

Bear with me, please.

I need others to remember too.

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

14 thoughts on “And The Gap Grows: Trying To Remember In a World That Forgets”

  1. Thank you for your insight and sharing. It’s been 7 years for me. My husband and I and family will talk about him, but we never see his friends and most friends I have now, did not know him. The old friends have all disappeared.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Year 5 is looming, it’s coming next month, on the Sunday after Thanksgiving just as it was 5 years ago. I noticed the fading two weeks ago when I visited the university where he worked and realized that none of the athletes playing on those ball fields were students here when Patrick was the Sports Information Director. It was a job he loved and he was so very good at it. We’ve been raising money to build a press box on the soccer/lacrosse field that will have his name on it. We thought maybe this would be the year, then COVID-19 hit and shut down the biggest fundraiser we have every year. So it will be another year or maybe two before his “physical” memorial is in place. He will never fade from me or his sister or his nephews because I bring him up in conversation whenever I can as do his aunts, uncles and cousins. His name was said during his cousins wedding recently, glad I had a mask on because it caught my tears. He was my first born, my little boy, my greatest joy and I miss him with every beat of my heart.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Today’s post spoke to me. Last night my tears flowed down my face as I laid in bed trying to pull up memories. New memories just wouldn’t come to me. Forgetting even the smallest detail about my son and his life is what scares me more than anything. It’ll be four years on November 2nd. I miss him so much. Thanks for sharing your truth for those of us who walk the same path.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Not only a world that forgets but they want us to forget and not be sad any more. They don’t understand that we not only miss our children but also miss the future with them. We want them to remember them because we loved them so much. Hugs.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Thank you for your openness. I find that most of your posts match up with my experiences as well. We just passed the 3 year mark and I find that so many are also forgetting my Brett. Many tire of my desire to keep his memory alive but I will continue as long as I live. Post on, I will be doing the same!

    Liked by 3 people

  6. This post is what I fear the most to even think about and especially talk about. It helps to know others understand. It’s too hard some days.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Thank you, Melanie, for your honesty. Tomorrow we mark two years without our darling daughter, Emily Grace. Countless memories…extending back to the day I discovered I was expecting her..through to her last day…sit and keep me company on this long night. 💔

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I have 4 children, Ben is the third of four. We are also coming up on 5 years. The GAP is widening. 5 years is really hard . Love to you! Thank you for writing what I feel!

    Sent from my iPhone

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Melanie, you are in my prayers. You verbalized my fears and I appreciate the vulnerability you willingly share with us. This past weekend we hit the three-year mark of our after and it hurts so much.

    Liked by 1 person

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