I don’t know if this is the way of other mama’s hearts but mine always accuses me when I try to take it easy.
Maybe it’s a lifetime of a too long list of chores and a too short day in which to do them, but I’m uncomfortable sitting down, doing nothing.
If I try to take a minute, my mind races until my hand reaches for a piece of paper and begins to jot down things I need to do.
Shoot-even as I fall asleep I’m usually planning what my day will look like tomorrow!
As I’ve written before, it is tempting to fill every minute trying to avoid the pain and sorrow of missing Dominic.
But it’s not a healthy way to deal with grief.
And moving ever closer to the anniversary of the date Dom met Jesus, the temptation grows stronger and stronger.
Just. stay. busy.
Just. don’t. think.
What I NEED is solitude and space. What I NEED is freedom to cry (or not!). What I NEED is less doing and more being. What I NEED is to face my feelings, process my feelings, journal my feelings, pray through my feelings and to do the hard work grief requires.
What I NEED is to treat myself the way I would treat one of my children in distress.
I NEED tender loving care.
But it’s just. so. very. hard.