Tomorrow will be twelve years since Dominic left this life and entered Heaven.
I had someone ask me last week how I was doing and, surprisingly, I could honestly reply I was doing OK.
Today, not so much.
The gap between life lived AFTER and life lived BEFORE is growing and while I cherish every new memory, the old ones are fading.
My cousin asked me about that yesterday and I told her that sometimes it almost seems like a dream-a family of four children, growing, learning and striving toward what I thought would be a future knit together in love and shared experiences.
Oh, you say, “But you still have three children and now you have grandchildren!”
Yes, yes I do. I am thrilled and work hard to be present for them and for every important moment they celebrate or sad moment they struggle through or ordinary moment when we sit having snacks outside under the sun.
But this mama’s heart was enlarged to hold another child who is now forever absent.
And that space is always present and always empty.
When my granddaughter joined Dominic in Heaven this January, it was another stark reminder that this world is not how God intended it to be.
Our family is shaped again by loss and missing and will always be holding space for those we can no longer hold close.
The Lord has been and continues to be faithful in giving me strength to hold on to hope and for that I am oh, so grateful.
He has gathered the ashes of sorrow and pain and fashioned them into a testimony to His love, grace and mercy.
These milestone days are (and always will be) hard.
But just like that first awful day, they only last twenty-four hours.
I’m confident that the morning sun will bring new mercy.
His grace is enough. His promises are sure. His love endures forever.
thelifeididntchoose 