I remember learning lists of synonyms and antonyms as a kid.
Each word was neatly stacked in discrete categories, no overlap.
But that’s not how it is, you know- not in real life.
We live with lots of ambiguity, lots of places where the line between joy and sorrow, hope and despair, brave and scared is fuzzy and hard to find.
Life after child loss is full of seeming contradictions.
I am broken yet God is redeeming those fragments and reassembling a life of beauty and meaning. The cracks are visible but they haven’t disqualified me as a vessel that can hold His love, His grace, His mercy and pour all that out on others.
I’m often scared, but am able to walk into each day brave in the knowledge I don’t walk alone.
My life is filled with joyful moments- high notes- accompanied by the low, slow melancholy melody of loss.
No tidy columns of separate experience here.
I’m learning to live satisfied in this undefined and undefeated space.
Scared and brave, reaching for Jesus, carrying on.
Everything broken doesn’t have to be completely fixed for me to be completely fine. I can be scared and brave and frail and unbelievably strong all in the same leap of faith.
And I can be hurt but I don’t have to live hurt. I can choose to believe in the epic goodness of God to completely surprise me with breathtakingly awesome possibilities.
Broken is what people are. Beautiful is what God makes them.
Lysa TerKeurst, Provers 31 Ministries
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