I should have known. I should have been there. I should have called, texted, spoken one more warning or given one more hug.
Should. Should? Should!
I have yet to speak to a bereaved parent who does not harbor guilt of some kind over the death of his or her child.
Not one.
Read the rest here: Nagging Guilt in Child Loss
How many of you enjoy looking at Pinterest or other idea generating Internet sites? How many of the ideas you’ve saved have ever resulted in actual projects?
I think spectatorship has been elevated to an entirely new level with social media.
It’s easy to do in real life too! I can stand by and watch others getting involved and making a difference and convince my heart that’s the same thing as doing something.
When I allow my heart to fully embrace what God may be doing in and through those around me I’m safe from the temptation to simply sit on the sidelines like a fan and not a participant.
But when I take a step back, begin to analyze whether or not what I’m seeing, hearing and experiencing is “acceptable” or “predictable” or “within bounds” then I become a spectator and critic.
It’s not always wrong to do a little bit of analysis before being swept up in the mood of a crowd-many of those who shouted, “Hosanna!” on (what we call Palm Sunday) shouted, “Crucify Him!” not even a week later.
Still, if I’m always sitting outside of experience, analyzing and categorizing, I’m likely to miss much of what God may be doing in the moment.
So today, try not to be too analytical, too critical, too attentive to the fonts, images and perfect social media presence.
Just listen to the Holy Spirit. Be led by the Spirit. Be in rhythm with the Spirit.
Today, fast spiritual spectatorship. Enter into worship. When considerations start turning into hesitations about something Jesus is clearly at the center of, throw hypercaution to the wind, and celebrate Jesus with abandon.
Alicia Britt Chole
**As promised, I am sharing thoughts on 40 DAYS OF DECREASE (a Lenten journal/devotional). If you choose to get and use the book yourself, I’ll be a day behind in sharing so as not to influence anyone else’s experience.*
Most of the time I share my grief journey in this space, but occasionally I’ve been asked to share in person at retreats or on the air for podcasts.
I’ll be honest, I’m much less comfortable speaking with no chance to edit my remarks versus typing them out and re-reading, rearranging and refining my message.
But when asked by a friend of a friend to meet with Stacy McCants, to have a wide-ranging, honest and God-focused discussion about child loss, grief in general and the intersection of faith and traumatic experience, I said, “yes”.
It was definitely outside my comfort zone.
Stacy helped my on-air jitters by promising to edit out any glaring mistakes or uncomfortable pauses. We sat across the table from one another in his home studio and cover a wide range of topics from loss to the ministry of the Holy Spirit and the importance of Scriptural truth.
It’s REALLY long-slightly over two hours so you might want to download it and listen in small doses.
But if you’ve ever wanted to hear my voice, hear my opinions on a variety of topics or just prefer listening to reading, you might find it interesting.
So here’s the link: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-stronger-faith/id1537979374?i=1000554053453
You know what makes me very, very sad?
When those who follow Jesus are parsimonious they proclaim by action that the God we serve is Himself limited and stingy.
And that is a lie.
So today’s fast is stinginess.
Don’t get me wrong-don’t start a string of comments that pit one economic system against another, please. BUT-God’s economy is NOT a zero-sum “game” where if one person receives plenty another goes wanting.
God’s economy is one of plentitude where every single need can be bountifully met from His overflowing grace and resources.
When His people are stingy-reserving for themselves lest they be left destitute-we are lying (yes, LYING!) about His character.
There is no lack with the Lord. There is no potential that somehow He will run out of grace or provision.
When we give and give and give again, we are letting the world know that our Faithful Father not only owns “the cattle on a thousand hills” but that He is more than willing to give them up for His children.
…love does not calculate. What an honor to be remembered as one who love lavishly. Today, fast stinginess: seek an opportunity to be irrationally lavish toward someone who cannot possibly return the favor. Give because you love. Give without letting reason ration out your love in stingy portions.
Alicia Britt Chole
Try it for just one day.
Open your hand and heart without trying to determine if the person asking is worthy.
Sit back and see how the Lord can work through your generosity to draw others to Himself.
**As promised, I am sharing thoughts on 40 DAYS OF DECREASE (a Lenten journal/devotional). If you choose to get and use the book yourself, I’ll be a day behind in sharing so as not to influence anyone else’s experience.**
It’s particularly unfortunate that the term chosen for physically distancing ourselves during the recent pandemic was “social distancing”. Because we are not created to remain socially distant/isolated from other human beings.
The toll shows. Elderly folks stuck behind doors, unable to talk freely and often with others withered away from isolation as often as the virus. It’s become obvious that children have suffered as well.
ALL of us need connection.
It doesn’t necessarily have to happen in a crowd. It doesn’t even have to be in person anymore (although that’s preferable).
As long as we can see one another, read body language, hear tone and bounce conversation back and forth, life-giving connection can happen.
Today, then, fast isolation. Meet a friend for coffee, call a cousin, visit a neighbor, or connect with a colleague. Purpose to link and be linked, to need and be needed, to see and be seen. Refuse to discount your influence, especially in small acts, and intentionally nurture your God-given web of relationships.
Alicia Britt Chole
Those of us who belong to Christ are connected ultimately by His grace, His blood and His Spirit.
We only have to reach out and embrace that connection to be refreshed and renewed. (Even if reaching out is virtual!)
**As promised, I am sharing thoughts on 40 DAYS OF DECREASE (a Lenten journal/devotional). If you choose to get and use the book yourself, I’ll be a day behind in sharing so as not to influence anyone else’s experience.**
If I read the Gospels and really put myself in the story, I would have to admit that I may well have wanted to “protect” Jesus from some of those that sought His help and His blessing.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of deciding who might be worthy of God’s time and attention.
The disciples decided Jesus was too busy and too important for children to be brought near. Our gentle Shepherd not only welcomed the little ones but told his followers that they must all become as children.
How often do I undervalue someone else’s Christ encounter because it isn’t expressed in eloquent or even coherent words?
How often do I minimize the power of grace and mercy to change a heart or a life because the changes I expect or want to see aren’t the ones I can observe and fit neatly into categories?
Religious profiling is a thing, y’all.
We tend to interpret others’ experiences in light of our own and the traditions with which we are familiar and comfortable. When someone comes to us with a tale of an authentic spiritual encounter that falls outside those boundaries, it’s easy to dismiss it.
Imagine Moses walking back home after meeting God in the burning bush and trying to explain THAT to those he lived with!
It’s not my place to authenticate or validate how the Lord chooses to work in another person’s life and heart.
As long as what they share is consistent with Scripture I should welcome them as Jesus does.
Whom do we spiritually underestimate? The elderly? The young? The poor? The wealthy? The beautiful? The disabled? What group or class of people would we have turned away from Jesus?….Today ask God to shine His light upon any form of religious profiling in which you are dismissing those Jesus would welcome.
Alicia Britt Chole
This video and song are particularly dear to my heart. William Wilberforce fought for the abolition of slavery in Britain for most of his adult life.
He was considered lots of things-crazy among them-but stayed the course in spite of illness, discouragement and seeming failure because he was convinced God had called him to the task.
Many well-meaning Christians questioned whether or not he had really heard from the Lord.
Hindsight makes it clear they were wrong.
**As promised, I am sharing thoughts on 40 DAYS OF DECREASE (a Lenten journal/devotional). If you choose to get and use the book yourself, I’ll be a day behind in sharing so as not to influence anyone else’s experience.**
Traumatic loss rewires your brain as well as your body.
So here I am, nearly eight years into the journey of sudden child loss and I’m reminded once again I am not the same “me” I once was.
Our newest grandbaby made an early entrance into the world nearly two weeks ago and I’m doing Mama D duty with his big brother. It’s a delight to be with my three year old grandson but it’s also challenging for this aging/post trauma brain.
Trying to navigate (super simple) routes to and from the hospital, to and from preschool, and to and from the closest grocery store has led to more than one U-turn and long way around. Sure I could use my phone’s GPS but I keep thinking I’ll finally remember next time.
I should know better by now…
❤ Melanie
I’m looking right at her.
I know her. In fact, I’ve known her for years. But please don’t ask me her name.
I have no idea.
It happens to all of us-meet someone in the store or at the Post Office and you just know you know them, but cannot-for the life of you-remember a name.
Chatting on, you search mental files desperately trying to make a connection you can hold onto. Five minutes after she walks away it pops up-oh, yes! That’s so-and-so from such-and-such.
Imagine if instead of searching mental files without success you can’t even find the file cabinet and start to wonder if one ever existed.
That’s what “grief brain” does to you.
Here are a few more examples of things that actually happened:
Read the rest here: Grief Brain: It’s a Real Thing!
Uncertainty is quite revealing. The unknown triggers different reactions in different hearts and exposes our souls’ defaults. Ambiguity reveals where we instinctively go to feel the illusion of security again.
Alicia Britt Chole
Wow! Can I identify with this!
One of the things I’ve learned in this life I didn’t choose is that the earthquake of child loss revealed all the weak spots in my character and my faith.
When faced with uncertainty and lack of control, I desperately want to bring order to my wildly disordered world.
But faith (real faith) requires I be willing to embrace mystery.
I have got to face the FACT that I do not understand everything God is doing or allowing. I can’t pretend it’s not happening.
I can’t ignore the discomfort the unknown births in my soul.
Avoidance is never a long-term solution in any relationship-not my relationship with the Lord or my relationship with others.
Today, pay attention to avoidance mechanisms that surface when you face the unknown, unknowable, uncomfortable, or unavoidable…Ask God’s Holy Spirit to sensitize you today to the existence of avoidance defaults in your life. Prayerfully consider what beliefs might underlie any avoidance that emerges when you are facing uncertainty.
Alicia Britt Chole
**As promised, I am sharing thoughts on 40 DAYS OF DECREASE (a Lenten journal/devotional). If you choose to get and use the book yourself, I’ll be a day behind in sharing so as not to influence anyone else’s experience.**
There have always been those who tried to reduce faith to something completely comprehensible.
But even a cursory reading of God’s Word and a casual experience with His ways makes that laughable.
When Jesus began teaching His disciples more and more about the Kingdom of God and His role as Christ, they were confused and dismayed. When I read His words they are still challenging and sometimes obscure even though I live on the other side of the resurrection.
Not everything can be explained.
When I insist on living life fully within the edges of rational thought, I not only miss out on many wonderful and inexplicable experiences, I also reduce my relationship with Jesus to rules.
If I am to fully embrace and inhabit the Kingdom life He has for me, I must be willing to embrace and inhabit the mysterious space between what I can know and understand and what I must trust I will one day know and understand (perhaps not until eternity!).
Thankfully, human reasoning neither leads nor limits God’s love. Consider passages in Scripture in which God’s words escape your understanding. What would it be like if God withheld His voice until humankind could fully comprehend it?
Alicia Britt Chole
Today’s fast is rationalism-letting go of a need to understand the mysterious, to insist on circumscribing God’s work in the world by human understanding and dismissing anything I can’t comprehend as immaterial or inconsequential.
How have you limited God’s love and work in your life by clinging to rationalism?
How can you let go and “let God”?
Take ten minutes to sit quietly with the Lord and allow Him to fill you with His Presence without demanding explanations.
Rest in Who He is and let His love overwhelm your heart.
**As promised, I am sharing thoughts on 40 DAYS OF DECREASE (a Lenten journal/devotional). If you choose to get and use the book yourself, I’ll be a day behind in sharing so as not to influence anyone else’s experience.**
As a people-pleasing firstborn pseudo-control-freak I’m all about fixing it.
I’m pretty sure I chose Psychology as one of my college majors because I figured it would better equip me to fix relationships around me.
But life intervened with first smaller unfixable crises and then the ultimate no-way-on-earth-to-fix-it death of Dominic. So I’m not nearly as inclined toward even trying now as I was a few years ago.
Still, I can find myself falling into the old habit of offering up advice instead of offering an ear. I might quickly delve unasked into my own experience and silence a heart that simply needs to be heard. I may well toss out trite “reasons” that “explain” why awful visited my friend while God seemed silent.
Part of the compulsion results from the author’s observation:
The church in general panics when miracles miscarry. We scurry clumsily about to prop up God’s sagging reputation. There must have been a problem, we offer. God must have something even better around the corner, we propose. Must He? Here, then is my Lenten plea for the day: let the mourning mourn. Grant those who grieve the dignity to ask questions. Bestow upon the bewildered permission to not edit their honesty.
Alicia Britt Chole
Recall miracles that ended in heartbreak…when, if ever, have you felt the need to “prop up God’s sagging reputation”?
How might you choose a different approach that grants grace and space to those who mourn?
**As promised, I am sharing thoughts on 40 DAYS OF DECREASE (a Lenten journal/devotional). If you choose to get and use the book yourself, I’ll be a day behind in sharing so as not to influence anyone else’s experience.**
thelifeididntchoose