Tapping Out-Everyone Needs a Safe Word

Today went from OK to not good at all in a matter of hours.

Before lunchtime I had a confrontation with someone I love, entered a public space (when I thought I had my emotions in check) and couldn’t stop crying, misplaced my debit card, misplaced my driver’s license and lost my mind.

I desperately needed a do-over.

And then I realized that I hadn’t queued up a new post. Which really isn’t that big a deal to anyone but me (in my pride) because this November will make four years I haven’t missed a day.

I know sometimes I run a series of old posts but y’all have just been subjected to that because of Hurricane Dorian. I didn’t want to do it again so soon.

And I don’t like just posting fluff. I want to honor the time you take to read what I send out.

But this time I think I’m tapping out.

All my kids and my husband participated in Tae Kwon Do for years.

I watched a lot of sparring matches, demonstrations, testings and practices. James Michael eventually rose to the rank of Second Degree Black Belt and Dominic was the youngest ever (at eight years old) to test for First Degree Black Belt in their particular school.

There’s a safety protocol for sparring in Tae Kwon Do. Even though no one is supposed to be overly aggressive when sparring, sometimes it gets a little out of hand. So if your opponent crosses the line and is actually hurting you, you tap the mat indicating that they need to stop-RIGHT NOW-before harm is done.

I was oh, so grateful for that safety protocol when trying to keep my seat in the bleachers as my little guys were tossed around. I knew that if someone was really hurting them, they had a way out.

I should have learned it then, but I’m a slow learner.

Everyone needs a safety protocol.

Everyone needs a safe word or a safe space or a safe friend so that when things pile high or heavy or both, they can make it plain that IT HURTS!

I’ve managed to do the necessary today.

And like I’ve said before, the worst day of my life only lasted 24 hours.

Tomorrow is a new day, another sunrise, another chance for things to be a little easier, a little better, a little more bearable.

Thanks for listening. ❤

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

22 thoughts on “Tapping Out-Everyone Needs a Safe Word”

  1. Melanie, you have given words to my feelings so often that any experience of yours is worth my time reading. Even a day you had to tap out is acknowledgement that you’re people, just like us! Thank you for not giving us fluff…ever.

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  2. Pingback: Tapping Out-Everyone Needs a Safe Word – thelifeididntchoose | Loss, Grief, Bereavement and Life Transitions Resource Library

  5. You are such an amazing woman with you continual woods for us all. I hope today is better for you…some days just need to end don’t they.

    I’m hoping my period of “keeping too many balls in the air” will end soon., so I can empathise with how it went for you yesterday. In the mean time…God’s peace be with you ❤❤❤

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  6. I’m sorry you had a bad day. When I meet another mom whose child has ran ahead to Heaven, I want to lighten their load just a hair! If only to give them a hug or a kind word. You do this for so many moms and dads on a much larger scale and daily!! I hope you realize what an impact that has for so many people!! I will say a prayer of gratitude for you tonight and pray you have a better day tomorrow!

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    1. What lovely words and beautiful encouragement! Thank you so very much, dear heart. May the Lord give you what you need for each new day and overwhelm your heart with grace, love and mercy. ❤

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  7. My wonderful 36 year old son died suddenly July 15,2019. A friend told me about your site and i find a lot of encouragement here. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. I am so very sorry for your pain and your loss. May the Lord give you what you need for every new day and may He whisper courage to your heart. It’s a hard journey but when made in the company of others who know and understand your pain, it’s a little easier. ❤

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  9. I’m sorry today was a struggle. We just passed the 13th anniversary of our daughter’s death last week and I spent most of the week feeling that way, too. Thankful for a new dawn in the morning. Hugs and prayers for you and thank you for sharing your journey with all of us

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  10. What a beautiful post to read tonight. I’m right there with you. Your honesty is so inspirational to me.
    In 16 days it will be three years of missing my son.
    In today’s mail was yet one more very good job offer for him.
    At first i wanted to scream, no not again!!! This kid had such a promising future, how unfair his life was cut so short. Instead I’m struggling to believe that this mail came as a reminder that he will never be forgotten.

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    1. So sorry today has been a rough one for you. And yes you’re right. Tomorrow is a new day. Praying that tomorrow will be brighter. Thank you so much for your inspiring posts. It helps those of us who struggle to make it through each day to know that we’re not on this journey alone. ❤❤

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      1. I am so thankful that I met you and appreciate your kind words and prayers. I’m sure today (tomorrow when you wrote this) will be better. Not yet sunrise but the sun will come up. Love you, friend. ❤

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    2. I’m guessing that no one but another bereaved parent understands how getting the mail can trigger so many emotions and how very long things come with our child’s name on them. I’ll be praying for you as your heart marks this milestone no mama should have to mark. May the Lord overwhelm you with His grace and mercy and strengthen you for each new day. ❤

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