It is possible to go through life without having to question your faith.
But I’m not sure that is a good thing.
Although I would never, ever have chosen this path, child loss has forced me to entertain questions I might have ignored and to dig deeper than I might otherwise have done if life had been easier and less challenging.
My faith is not blind faith.
My faith is not unchallenged faith.
I am facing the fact that terrible things happen even to those who love and trust God. I will not parrot empty phrases that promise smooth sailing to new converts if they will “only turn their lives over to Jesus”.
I don’t even know where we get that idea. Every single disciple was martyred except John and he was boiled in oil and exiled to the Isle of Patmos.
There are faithful believers starving TODAY, dying TODAY and suffering TODAY.
Why should I be exempt?
‘No heart is as whole as a broken heart.’ And I paraphrase it differently: No faith is as pure as a wounded faith because it is faith with an open eye. I know all the elements of the situation; I know all the reasons why I shouldn’t have faith. I have better arguments against faith than for faith. Sure, it’s a choice. And I choose faith.
It’s not uncommon for those of us who have faced the fiery trial of child loss to wonder if God is still listening, still cares and remains near.
Pain is such a giant presence, taking up all the space in our hearts, that there is barely room to imagine a good and loving God could be part of this.
I’ll be honest, when the deputy brought the news of Dominic’s death, peace did NOT descend on me like a dove. Unearthly howls filled my foyer and I dropped to my knees, begging it not to be true.
But I knew that my feelings weren’t always (or even often) the best arbiters of truth so even then I recited facts out loud to my shattered heart. God is with us. God will sustain us. God’s grace and mercy are sufficient.
And God has been with us, IS with us and sustains us.
Now our family faces another kind of awful.
I see my adult children choosing brave and compassion and steeling themselves against what might be while hoping, hoping, hoping things turn out better than predicted.
One of my favorite passages in the Old Testament is the story of Hagar and Ishmael in the desert. Abraham sent them away because Sarah was jealous for Isaac to receive all his father’s love and energy.
It’s the only time (as far as I know) a human named God.
Hagar calls the Lord, El Roi, “the God who sees me”, because He spoke to her and promised a future for her forsaken son.
I believe that while our Heavenly Father does not always intervene in miraculous ways, He alwaysSEESus in our suffering. He does not abandon us. He does not condemn us to walk this rocky path alone.
I don’t understand or even always like what God allows. I can’t fit my life story into a neat box labeled “Blessed by God”. Many days feel like I’m being beaten and bruised, not blessed.
But I do not think I am left alone.
We just celebrated Christmas and the gift of Immanuel-God with Us. In suffering, we have to hold on to that truth.
When I am afraid, I remind my heart of the fact that the Creator of All Things chose (voluntarily chose!) to become flesh. He chose to subject Himself to the vagaries of human life. He actively entered the world of His creation for the express purpose of proving His love for us (for me!).
Jesus is love made flesh. The Babe in the manger is God’s promise that He is with us and He is for us.
The funny thing about New Year’s resolutions is that they are pretty much the same, year after year. We all have particular struggles and the turning of the calendar seems like the perfect moment to commit to action to try to overcome them.
But most of us fail miserably and find ourselves back at precisely the point from which we started, regardless of our best efforts to change.
Truth is, we are terrible at remaking ourselves. Habits wear ruts in our thinking and in our behavior. It requires more strength than most of us possess to climb out and start fresh.
But God has promised that those who trust Jesus will be “made new”–they will be changed dramatically, like a caterpillar to a butterfly. From the inside out and no turning back.
“Therefore, if anyone is in the Messiah, he is a new creation. Old things have disappeared, and—look!—all things have become new!”
I Corinthians 5:17 ISV
In the five years before Dominic died, I had slowed my Bible reading to a crawl–limiting myself to one chapter a day and writing it out in my journal. After decades of church attendance, I realized that the stories had become too easy to rush through, the verses too familiar to resonate deeply in my spirit. I had just finished my journey through God’s Word in this way when my son was killed.
No one is prepared to bury their child, but God did lead me in the years before Dominic’s death to commit to reading Scripture in a slower, more deliberate way.
Having those Bible verses in my heart and in my head gave me a safe place to land when I received the awful blow.
So may I suggest that this New Year’s, choose the one resolution that can truly transform–if you don’t know Jesus, ask someone who does to introduce you to HIm.
If you are a Christ follower, commit to reading His Word. Store it in your soul. Write it on the tablet of your heart. You never know what a new year will bring…
And so, dear brothers, I plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living sacrifice, holy—the kind he can accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask? 2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but be a new and different person with a fresh newness in all you do and think. Then you will learn from your own experience how his ways will really satisfy you.
Today’s verses may seem an odd choice as a stand-alone source for an Advent devotional.
But when you dig a little deeper, they are a beautiful affirmation of how God used ordinary people to bring about His extraordinary purposes.
Zechariah and Elizabeth were two humble and obedient Jews living their lives according to the Law. As a priest, Zechariah was responsible to serve in the Temple two weeks of every year. He’d been faithfully doing his duty for years. Elizabeth had done hers too.
But they were fruitless. Elizabeth was barren. And barren women (in those days) were considered cursed.
And then something amazing happened.
Zechariah, chosen by lot, seemingly random, is given the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to burn incense before the Lord. A sacred trust, a holy encounter representing the prayers of all Israel and especially those positioned outside in the temple courtyard.
“5 In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zechariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron. 6 Both of them were righteous in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commands and decrees blamelessly. 7 But they were childless because Elizabeth was not able to conceive, and they were both very old.
8 Once when Zechariah’s division was on duty and he was serving as priest before God, 9 he was chosen by lot, according to the custom of the priesthood, to go into the temple of the Lord and burn incense. 10 And when the time for the burning of incense came, all the assembled worshipers were praying outside.”
Luke 1: 5-10 NIV
We will stop here for today although I’m sure most of you know where our story is going.
I’m glad to take things a little slow. Because when I race through verses full of detail I tend to miss important insights. And there are several in these words that help my heart.
Doing my daily duty can be pretty boring.
Living a life of faithful obedience sometimes becomes a burden. And when obedience doesn’t lead to blessing but perhaps even to pain I can lose heart.
Luke reminds me that being precisely where God wants me to be doing exactly what He’s called me to do may lead to unimagined and unanticipated blessing.
Zechariah and Elizabeth had no idea that their yearly pilgrimage to Jerusalem would change everything.
But it did.
And that was just the beginning.
QUESTIONS:
Do you ever tire of daily routine, regular responsibility? Does this passage challenge that attitude?
Scripture teaches that God is in control even when it seems like chance rules. Is that a comforting thought? Why or why not?
Zechariah and Elizabeth’s story echoes that of Abraham and Sarah. An old couple, past the age of childbearing whom God blesses with not just any child but a child of promise. How does their story once again that God is the God of the impossible and improbable?
Prayer is likened to incense throughout the Bible. I sometimes like to light a scented candle in the still dark early morning hours when I talk to God. Do you have any physical representations that help your heart connect with the Father?
PRAYER:
Father God,
I admit it-sometimes I’m just flat out tired of doing what’s expected of me. Dishes and laundry and ordinary work are dull and hardly rewarding. Obedience takes self-control. I’m not always interested in being who I ought to be especially when I feel like maybe there’s no upside to sacrificing fun for duty.
Even worse, I feel cheated when I’ve been a “good girl” and still not received the desire of my heart. In fact, the desire of my heart has been snatched away.
Help me feel Your Presence speaking courage and strength to my soul when I grow weary of doing well. Help me show up every time and everywhere You want me to be. Let the truth that there is no better place to be than in the center of Your will sink deep into my spirit.
You have a plan and You work through perfectly ordinary people to bring it to life. Who knows? It might be me doing my daily duty that impacts eternity. Thank You for inviting me to be part of the Eternal Story.
One of the recurring themes in Scripture is redemption, rescue and renewal.
Over and over, just when it seems things can only get worse, God steps in and crafts an unexpected and beautiful story from the broken bits.
The challenge for we who are trapped in time is to remain patient and hope-filled in the waiting.
Israel had plenty of practice.
I do too.
But God doesn’t leave us without promises to hold onto while we wait.
Jeremiah is often called “The Weeping Prophet” because the messages God have him were full of gloom. Judgement and destruction were on the way. There was no escape and Jeremiah had been commissioned by the Lord to tell folks all about it.
Yet woven throughout the verses detailing all the awful, God spoke hope to the heart of His people:
14 “‘The days are coming,’ declares the Lord, ‘when I will fulfill the good promise I made to the people of Israel and Judah.
15 “‘In those days and at that time I will make a righteous Branch sprout from David’s line; he will do what is just and right in the land. 16 In those days Judah will be saved and Jerusalem will live in safety. This is the name by which it will be called: The Lord Our Righteous Savior.’ “
Jeremiah 33: 14-16 NIV
These words speak hope to my heart too.
Dominic’s death is the most devastating thing I’ve ever endured. It was not only the earthly end of him, it was the earthly end of me in many ways. All the things I anticipated for him, our family and the future were cut down in one fell swoop.
So when Jeremiah promises that even though all that’s left of David’s progeny is a pitiful stump, God will raise up a glorious and most Righteous King, I hear that redemption is possible.
And because Jesus DID come, I know that redemption is guaranteed.
Advent reminds me that even when waiting is long and in the dark, God is working.
Just as He raised up life from a (humanly) lifeless bit of wood in the ground, He will raise my son and redeem my pain.
QUESTIONS:
Have you ever thought a plant was dead only to have it sprout fresh some time later? How might that experience help you cling to hope while waiting on the Lord?
What do the words “The Lord Our Righteous Savior” mean to you?
The literal translation of those words is “Jehovah Tsidkenu” or The Lord My Righteousness. There is no righteousness apart from Christ. No way for me to clean up enough to stand in the presence of God. Have you embraced and received the gift of God’s grace and mercy through Jesus? Is HE your righteousness?
God has never hidden from His people the fact that life in this fallen world is hard. Are you encouraged or discouraged by His honesty?
Do you have favorite promises your heart clings to in times of discouragement? Consider typing or writing them out in a journal or small booklet to review often.
PRAYER:
Father God,
It is so, so easy to be discouraged and disheartened. Truth is, life is hard and often seems headed in the direction of becoming harder.
I’m tired and sometimes I want to give up and give in. Not only is there no end in sight, I can’t even imagine an end that would be worth waiting for.
But I will choose to trust in Your unfailing word. I will rest in Your everlasting love. And I will take hold of every single promise You have made. Help me trust that You are working-even when I can’t see it-to redeem, restore, rescue and rewrite my story.
Let me remember that You are the God of new things, the God who transforms death into life.
In our modern age of light switches and street lights it’s hard to imagine a world where the tiniest candle flame could lead a body to safety.
But for most of human history that was how people lived.
It’s how some still live.
So when John described Jesus as the “Light that bursts through gloom-the Light that darkness could not diminish” (John 1: 5 TPT) he’s really saying something.
This isn’t a tiny candle or smoky oil lamp barely pushing back the edges of inky night.
Jesus is a spotlight dispelling not only the experience of darkness but the power of darkness!
And that’s only a fraction of the truth revealed in these five verses.
In the very beginning the Living Expression was already there.
And the Living Expression was with God, yet fully God.
They were together-face-to-face, in the very beginning. And through his creative inspirations this Living Expression made all things, for nothing has existence apart from him!
Life came into being because of him, for his life is light for all humanity.
And this Living Expression is the Light that bursts through gloom-the Light that darkness could not diminish!John 1: 1-5 TPT
Jesus is co-equal with God. He has existed for eternity past along with the Father. They were, and are, in perfect community.
Face-to-face, cooperating in speaking life and light into existence.
No thing and no one draws breath apart from Christ.
That is why my heart can rest secure in the promise that the resurrection is coming.
If Jesus breathed life once into my son, He will most certainly breathe life once again into his glorified body.
So when the darkness threatens to consume me I light a candle.
I watch the flame and listen for my Shepherd King’s voice singing hope over my soul.
QUESTIONS:
Do you have personal experience of being lost in the dark? How did you find your way to safety?
When have you felt soul darkness? Could you hear or feel the Lord reaching out and reaching down to lead you to the Light of His love?
Why is it important to know that Jesus is eternally co-existent with the Father?
Does the fact that Christ is the creative force of the Godhead give you confidence in His promise to redeem and restore what the enemy has stolen?
How does the fact that Jesus is the Eternal and Inextinguishable Light help your heart hold onto hope?
PRAYER:
Lord,
I live in a world of uncertainty and often great pain. It’s easy for my heart to sink into despair. It’s hard to hold onto hope.
In the natural it feels like darkness is winning.
But I know, deep in my soul, that Your Light will conquer the darkness. In Your Presence there is no night-only, always, glorious Day.
Help me lean into this truth and hold onto hope.
Let the light, love and life of Christ dwell in me richly and spill over into a lost and lonely world.
thelifeididntchoose 