For most of us in America it seems that we rush from place to place, from event to event, from meal to meal, from crisis to crisis.
But when I read the Gospels I don’t feel a sense of rush at all.
Jesus expressed urgency when proclaiming that the kingdom of God was near, but He was never in a hurry.
Read the rest here: Choosing the Eternal Path
Our family has never been the “go somewhere for the holidays” sort. We tend to stick close to home, to what’s familiar, to routine and regular bedtimes.
But lately life has thrown us a number of curveballs. And we are learning to swing at them instead of just letting them lob past us.
So just after Christmas, the four of us that were together in Alabama took a drive down to Florida to spend time with our oldest son and his wife in their new home.
We spent New Year’s Eve on a windy dog beach enjoying waves and walks and friendly strangers whose mutts came over to sniff ours.
Seafood and people watching at a nearby restaurant sitting outside in the breezy cool topped off a lovely day.
I’m learning to live with Dominic’s absence.
I’m (almost) used to photographs of my three surviving children documenting adventures that don’t include his smiling face and raucous antics. I’m trying to recapture the joy of his life and not dwell as much on the fact and circumstances of his death.
I can look forward a little further on a calendar. I can plan a bit more. My heart finds some satisfaction again in hosting friends and family for special occasions or no occasion at all.
In a word, I’m “better”.
Not healed-never healed (past tense)-until heaven.
But oh, so thankful for the days I have to spend with the family I have left.
I don’t know if Dominic can see us from where he is, but if he can’t, we’ll have lots to tell him when we get there.
One day closer.
I’ve mentioned it before.
I’ve encouraged others not to resist.
But I want to be absolutely clear: Losing my son made me doubt EVERYTHING.
I grew up going to church, listening to Bible stories, hearing “God is in control”, “Jesus loves me”, “prayer moves mountains” and (even though it isn’t true) being “good” gets rewarded.
The prerequisite, of course, was receiving Christ, being “saved”, trusting Jesus.
I did that when I was eight years old.
And I leaned in and studied Scripture, fashioning my life around the Holy Word. My home rested firmly on the solid rock foundation of belief in Jesus and the sovereignty and sufficiency of God.
For heaven’s sake! I spent twenty years homeschooling my kids! We might skip a math lesson but we never missed a chance to note how biblical principles and biblical truth informed our worldview and guided our choices.
I know, I know, I know that I don’t deserve special treatment. I know that God does not promise to exempt any person from hurt and heartache as long as we walk this earth.
But somewhere I got mixed up.
Somehow I thought that if I did all the right things, made all the necessary personal sacrifices, read the right books, walked the right path, my heart might be spared.
I was, oh, so wrong.
So when I had to bury my perfectly healthy, vibrant, brilliant, loving son who was here-one-moment-gone-the-next, I had to take a little while to decide how much of what I used to believe I could still believe.
I had to pull out all the verses, all the suppositions, all the theological arguments upon which my faith had rested and test them against my new reality.
Is God sovereign? Does He have control?
I decided that He is and does.
Based on His Word and my own life experience, I am convinced that God is in control.
But His control does not routinely override the laws of physics He has put in place to rule the world. His control does not always spare someone the natural consequences of choices made by free will. His control does not always supersede the sinful brokenness that abounds on this earth.
So, here I am. Left with absolute rock solid faith in the few, most important things upon which my hope can rest.
Christ died.
Christ rose.
Christ will come again.
Death is conquered.
Heaven is sure.
Redemption has been paid for and restoration will be complete.
I know by painful experience that His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts.
I do not understand everything.
But I cling to what I can understand.
Doubt is not sin. I don’t try to talk myself out of it anymore.
Because the One Who made me holds me fast.
Those He saves are His delight
Christ will hold me fast
Precious in His holy sight
He will hold me fast
He’ll not let my soul be lost
His promises shall last
Bought by Him at such a cost
He will hold me fast~He Will Hold Me Fast, Getty Music
I wake before the morning light. Every. single. morning.
I get my coffee, sit in my chair and wait for sunrise.
I never worry that today it might not happen.
I’m never concerned that after all these years of faithfulness, this day may be the one where daylight fails to make an appearance.
There is no fear in this darkness because I know it will not last forever.
Morning is coming.
Morning. Is. Coming.
And that’s the hope I cling to in this longer darkness of the Valley of the Shadow of Death-no matter how many years it may be, the Valley has an end.
The same God Who keeps the earth in orbit around the sun has ordained that death will not have the last word.
Light will triumph.
Darkness will have to flee.
I look forward to heaven, where everything that the enemy has stolen will be redeemed and restored.
I’ve been reading The Jesus Storybook Bible-it is a remarkable way to re-imagine and re-engage with God’s Story.
My very favorite part is a paraphrase of Revelation 21:4:
“And the King says, ‘Look! God and his children are together again. No more running away. Or hiding. No more crying or being lonely or afraid. No more being sick or dying. Because all those things are gone. Yes, they are gone forever. Everything sad has come untrue. And see-I have wiped every tear from every eye!’”
An eternal morning is coming.
Morning. Is. Coming.
A close family member is facing a difficult, scary and extensive surgery.
It’s one more reminder that we live in a broken world.
The victory Christ gained is real. But we do not yet have the full benefit of all its fruit.
We still face death.
We still bear pain.
We still long for that day when ALL will be made right.
Until then, we Live Between the Crucifixion and the Resurrection.
The Fall Feasts of Israel are a beautiful reminder of Who God is and what Christ has done for us.
Beginning this evening and continuing until sunset tomorrow, Jews around the world are observing Yom Kippur or The Day of Atonement.
According to Scripture (Leviticus 16), The Day of Atonement was commanded by God for Israel to remember the terrible debt of sin and the only acceptable payment–blood.
The high priest would enter the Holy of Holies and apply blood to the horns of the mercy seat, thus covering over for another year the individual and corporate sin of Israel.
According to Jewish tradition, God inscribes each person’s fate for the coming year into a book, the Book of Life, on Rosh Hashanah, and waits until Yom Kippur to “seal” the verdict. During the Days of Awe, a Jew tries to amend his or her behavior and seek forgiveness for wrongs done against God and against other human beings. The evening and day of Yom Kippur are set aside for public and private petitions and confessions of guilt. At the end of Yom Kippur, one hopes that they have been forgiven by God.
Yet year after year, this sacrifice was not enough.
The blood of animals is insufficient to pay the debt owed by men to a perfect and holy God.
But the blood of the Perfect Lamb, Jesus Christ, has completely paid the debt I owe-I no longer cower in the shadow of my sin.
When I chose to apply that blood to my heart by faith, I was made right with the LORD.
As a believer in Jesus the Christ, I have a High Priest that has offered His own blood as the Perfect Sacrifice once for all (Hebrews 9).
I can rest assured that I’m not sealed only for a day, or even a year, but for all eternity!
Because Jesus is the eternal and sufficient propitiation for my sins, I need not fear death.
It is sin which gives death its power, and it is the Law which gives sin its strength. All thanks to God, then, who gives us the victory over these things through our Lord Jesus Christ!
I Corinthians 15:55-57 PHILLIPS
We do not have to bring a sacrifice to the altar and hope that our sins are forgiven. The Law holds no power over us who believe-Jesus fulfilled its every obligation.
But it is a good thing to take a day to reflect on the cost and the gift
Too often we grasp the gift and forget its cost.
Today, remember what the LORD has done for you. Remember the burden He lifted by His sacrifice. Remember His claim on your life–the life He purchased with His blood.
Remember.
If you are withholding grace and forgiveness–remember, and repent–give to others what God has graciously given to you.
If you are walking outside the will of God for your life–remember and repent-fall back in step behind the Lord Jesus and let Him guide you.
If you are dabbling in sin–remember and repent-turn from your wickedness and back to holiness.
Remember and be thankful.
“Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.”
~Psalm 32:1
It’s easy to develop the habit of hurrying.
An inner voice screams, “I’ve got to do it NOW, I’m running out of time!”
When I talk to people, or overhear others’ conversations, they say, “I just don’t have time” or “I’m so busy, I don’t know what to do”.
I have said it myself more than once.
For most of us in America it seems that we rush from place to place, from event to event, from meal to meal, from crisis to crisis.
But when I read the Gospels I don’t feel a sense of rush at all.
Jesus expressed urgency when proclaiming that the kingdom of God was near, but He was never in a hurry.
He walked everywhere He went even though His was the most important ministry ever executed on the earth and it would have been much more efficient to choose a faster mode of transportation.
The message I receive from His life in this regard is that the journey is as important as the destination.
We justify our lifestyle by claiming we have no control.
We just can’t help the fact that our cell phones ring, that we have to go here or there and that we can’t seem to get a handle on our schedules.
I think that as Christ followers, God would say: “Choose!”
We do have control over how we spend our time.
It is true that we have to fulfill our God-given responsibilities and that may include work-hours we can’t choose. But even those who work full-time have many hours that they direct.
How many conversations do we neglect with the very people God has put in our path because our minds are focused on the next thing?
How many times are we multi-tasking with our phones or Ipads and missing a divine appointment to show the love of Jesus to someone right in front of us?
God has not called us to be a people out of breath, with no energy or heart for the ministry He has given us.
He is the Lord of the Sabbath-the King of Peace and the Giver of Rest. He invites us to join Him and to take His yoke upon us-a yoke neither heavy nor cumbersome.
In Jeremiah, God called Israel back to Himself with these words:
Thus says the Lord; Stand by the roads and look; and ask for the eternal paths, where the good, old way is; then walk in it; and you will find rest for your souls
Jeremiah 6: 16
Our techno-toys should be used as tools not as taskmasters.
The activities that fill our calendars should be evaluated in light of the greater call God has on our lives, not chosen just because our friends are doing them.
We need to do “first things first” and make room for people before things and conversation before commerce.
We are free in Christ to choose.
Abundant life is a gift of God to be experienced right now, right where we are.
When we refuse to get sucked into the “busy-ness” of our culture, we open up a world of possibility to be the people God has called us to be.
I am not a fan of church signs.
Most of the time they try to be cute and reduce eternal truth to a few words that often leave room for [mis]interpretaion.
But I saw one today that I DID like: “Dig the well before you are thirsty”.
It takes time to dig a well.
And it’s hard work.
You can’t wake up one morning, decide to dig and expect results in a couple of hours. If you want a reliable source of water to quench your thirst you have to plan ahead.
It’s been my habit for about 25 years to wake early in the morning, read my Bible and journal. I started this practice when my children were young and boisterous and our active household meant once they were awake I’d have no time for quiet meditation.
But after reading Scripture for so long, I’d noticed the stories had become too familiar. I would read through some of them with a “yeah, yeah-heard that before” attitude.
So I committed to SLOW DOWN and force my heart to look carefully and listen closely to what the Spirit was speaking from the page.
I decided I would read just a single chapter each day and copy out a verse or two that stood out into my journal along with notes and comments. I found as I went along that it was harder and harder to choose only a couple of verses, so I began to copy whole chapters.
Of course I missed a day or two here and there so it took about three and a half years.
Just a few months before Dominic left us, I finished my slow journey through the Bible. I had copied out most of it by hand in six journals. I had underlined and circled and annotated the pages, making it my own.
I was digging my well.
I had no clue that I would be desperately thirsty in such a short time.
The morning I received the awful news-my heart shattered, my world spinning, my life undone-words of Truth bubbled to the surface unbidden.
Living Water sprang forth from the deep well of promise that was dug before I knew I needed it.
When I began my slow walk through Scripture, I didn’t know what the future held.
But my Shepherd-Who knows the end from the beginning-was leading me.
When my hands trembled too much to open the pages of my Bible and my eyes were too full of tears to see the print, the words stored up in the well of my heart spilled out to soothe my soul.
I continue to draw from this deep well and drink the Living Water.
It is a source of life and hope and sustaining strength until that day when a well will no longer be needed-when faith will be sight and I possess what has been promised.
Then he showed me a river of the water of life, clear as crystal, coming from the throne of God and of the Lamb, in the middle of its street. On either side of the river was the tree of life, bearing twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit every month; and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. There will no longer be any curse; and the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and His bond-servants will serve Him; they will see His face, and His name will be on their foreheads. And there will no longer be any night; and they will not have need of the light of a lamp nor the light of the sun, because the Lord God will illumine them; and they will reign forever and ever.
And he said to me, “These words are faithful and true”; and the Lord, the God of the spirits of the prophets, sent His angel to show to His bond-servants the things which must soon take place.
“And behold, I am coming quickly. Blessed is he who [e]heeds the words of the prophecy of this book.”
Revelation 22:1-7 NASB
One of the ongoing challenges in my grief journey is fighting back fear.
Fear of what COULD happen, now that I know by experience what it feels like when it does.
So I try to remind myself on a regular basis that my life and the lives of those I love have never been in my own hands:
I’m not brave by nature.
If I have a choice, I will run every time. But there are just some things worth fighting for.
My family is one of them.
I will not let the enemy have them.
I will not allow despair to overtake us, fear to bind us, hopelessness to sap our strength.
I will not let death win.
And though he stalks me like a hungry lion, knocks persistently demanding attention, follows me as close as my own shadow-I will not let the evil one overtake me or find a home in my heart.
I refuse despair.
This night of loss will be longer than I can bear in my own strength, but I am convinced the Lord will restore my joy.
I am committed to cling to Christ even through my eyes are worn out with tears.
I fight fear.
There is no guarantee that my cup of suffering is full. It may yet hold more sorrow, but I will not worry about what tomorrow may bring.
God is there
I won’t give in to hopelessness.
I hold onto hope because hope is a Person. He is faithful and He is able. What I have given to His hands is safe and secure.
And though death is awful-it is not the end of the story.
When trapped between the Egyptians and the Red Sea, the nation of Israel was understandably frightened.
There WAS no escape-turn back and be slaughtered or move forward and drown.
They despaired of help and begged God to save them.
…Moses told the people, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand where you are and watch, and you will see the wonderful way the Lord will rescue you today. The Egyptians you are looking at—you will never see them again.
Exodus 14;13
They could never have imagined the miraculous answer to their desperate plea for rescue.
I realize that the answer to my cry for help is not going to be restoration of my son in this life. I know that I will have to wait for redemption of my pain.
But I am convinced that what the world regards as a final chapter is only the beginning of the story.
I serve the same God Who parted the Red Sea.
He is still on the throne.
He is not sleeping and He is not silent.
I can stand my ground between today and eternity confident that He is at work in all things.
He is an ever present Help in time of trouble.
I will not be moved.
thelifeididntchoose 