I’ve thought often of what good, if any, can come from child loss.
I do not think for one minute that God “took” my son to teach me a lesson or to mold me in some way.
But I do believe with my whole heart that God can USE this circumstance to conform me more closely to the image of Christ Jesus.
Read the rest here: Hidden Manna
I first shared this seven years ago when I was still in the early days of mourning Dominic. Our family was facing the third set of holidays with an empty chair at the table.
Life since then has been full of additional challenges and loss.
I still rebel sometimes at the road I’m asked to walk.
But I am more convinced than ever that when I yield my life and heart to the Master Potter, He will mold me and make me into the likeness of Jesus.
And that’s really who I want to be-even if it hurts.
❤
I can’t claim to be satisfied with this life I’m living.
I do not like this path I am forced to walk, this darkness that hides the light, this pain that burrows deep in my bones.
But I can say I’m learning not to fight it.
Sometimes I still pitch a fit.
Read the rest here: Yielded and Still
One of the blessings of this awful, unwanted journey is the beautiful souls I have met along the way. Fellow travelers who, like me, wouldn’t have chosen this path but who are doing the best they can to walk it in a way that honors their child and Jesus.
One such precious friend is Rhyl Venning. Her daughter Kari-lee went to Heaven in 2014 a few months after Dominic.
We found each other through an online bereaved parents support group (While We’re Waiting) and discovered we both need to share openly and authentically about our child loss journey.
Over the years we’ve exchanged messages, participated in book studies together and very nearly met one another even though she lives in Australia and I’m in Alabama. (My mother’s illness and death prevented that.)
Rhyl has done what many set out to do but never accomplish: she’s written a memoir of her experience both as a mom and as a bereaved mom. It’s beautiful, heart rending, honest, riveting and ultimately, full of hope.
There is so much to be gleaned from her story!
The path to motherhood was not easy for Rhyl. Infertility, miscarriage and dashed hopes increased her longing for the precious daughter that finally made her way into the world.
Kari was born with cystic fibrosis though it was awhile before Rhyl and her husband knew. Thus began a lifetime of careful routine, watchful waiting and hope-filled pursuit of treatments and lifestyle choices and ultimately, a lung transplant.
In spite of that, Kari lived an exuberant, joyful and adventurous childhood, youth and young adulthood. She traveled. She loved. She was married.
Rhyl draws the reader into her world, into Kari’s world and into the world of her family and friends. She shares her inner life-her hopes, dreams, fears and sorrow. She doesn’t shy away from deep questions about her own faith and how much wrestling it has taken to reach a place of peace after her precious girl left for Heaven.
If you know a bereaved parent, you can gift this book to them without fear of adding pain to their suffering. They will find a fellow traveler-someone who is willing to tell it like it is and to lead them to the refuge of our Shepherd King without preaching at them.
I deeply love Rhyl and am so very thankful she has written her story and made it available for others to read.
I highly recommend this book to anyone but especially to bereaved parents.
You are not alone.
Not alone in your suffering,
in your wondering,
in your wrestling,
nor in the hope that is found in Christ Jesus. ❤
***You can find Sunlight on the Ocean at Amazon and Barnes & Noble***
In dark and burdensome seasons of life, I am tempted to cling tightly to what I can hold in MY hand instead of clinging tightly in faith to the One Who holds me in HIS hand.
Sowing in tears is choosing to walk obediently even when obedience is costly and there is no visible evidence that it will produce a good result.
There may be a long wait-perhaps my entire lifetime-to see the harvest of choosing obedience in faith.
Read the rest here: Costly Obedience
I’m not brave by nature.
If I have a choice, I will run every time. But there are just some things worth fighting for.
My family is one of them.
I will not let the enemy have them.
I will not allow despair to overtake us, fear to bind us, hopelessness to sap our strength.
I will not let death win.
Read the rest here: I Will Not Be Moved
Maybe what God has for me and others who suffer long is not a victorious tag line that can be slapped on a photo or shared on social media.
Maybe it’s only in the continued press of suffering that God reveals Himself in ways the non-suffering never see.
Maybe a dash to declare victory is actually rushing past what God has for us in deep pain and ongoing struggle.
Maybe waiting in hopeful expectation for what God is doing and will do in me and through me IS the victory.
Read the rest here: Not Ashamed to Wait
Grief has changed me in profound ways.
“Thoughtfulness” is one of them.
I was always (mostly!) outwardly thoughtful. I wrote thank you notes, brought hostess gifts, remembered birthdays, anniversaries and other important dates in the lives of friends and family.
But I wasn’t always as attentive to or aware of subtle and significant cues others might have been tossing in my direction.
Now I’m especially careful to pay attention and try to make space for things folks need or want to say, to be a safe person for the deposit of feelings or secrets that are too heavy to carry alone and I try, try, try to leave each heart better than how I found them.
I’ve had to examine so much in my own life and heart I never want to give the impression others aren’t free to do the same.
❤ Melanie
How many times have I chosen to ignore a friend’s need for companionship-brushing past importantly as I pursued the day’s tasks?
“I’ll get around to it when I have more time,” I think to myself.
And then one day there is no more time. The friend I kept putting off has left this world for the next and I can’t retrieve the missed opportunities.
Nothing stings like words unsaid, hugs not given or love left bound in a heart instead of set free to bless another.
Read the rest here: Priorities
Is faith always a never-faltering, wild “Hallelujah!”?
I don’t think so.
Read the rest here: What Does Faith Really Look Like?
Every morning I get up, make coffee, sit down and drink in the quiet with my caffeine. I listen for a bit and then write down what I hear my heart saying. It has been the most effective habit for helping me walk through this Valley in the four years since Dominic left us.
Silence is necessary for a heart to do the work grief requires.
Don’t fight it.
Read the rest here: Silence is a Gift
If someone asked me to describe Jesus I would say He’s the God who does not turn away.
He’s the God who comes near.
He’s the God who will always, always, always show up and bend down.
Read the rest here: Scripture Journal Challenge: The God Who Comes Near
This came across my Facebook newsfeed and I really liked it.
Concise, it also acknowledges that most bereaved parents understand folks generally mean well, even when they say something less than helpful.
Honestly, this is great advice for what not to say to anyone going through a tough patch.
Read the rest here: Helpful Advice on What Not to Say to a Grieving Parent
I had forgotten that in 2022 I took a couple of weeks off.
I was exhausted. Flat out unable to manage anything other than minimal day-to-day responsibilities.
I truly thought (prayed!) 2023 would be different. But I’ve found myself in precisely the same place THIS year after 7+ months of hard and busy and overwhelmed.
So that’s one reason I’m doing this compendium of past posts.
I need to tap into the energy and enthusiasm I expressed in thousands of words from years gone by.
I hope it helps others as much as it’s helping me.
Months ago, in my first post about prayer, I spoke to the difficulty of praying while experiencing great pain. In Praying Through the Pain I wrote:
I am thankful that before Dominic died I had a habit of praying and reading Scripture. I am thankful for the many verses that are so ingrained in my thoughts that they come, unbidden to my mind.
So I have continued to pray each morning, opening my journal and my Bible.
Even when I cannot feel the connection, I know God is there.
Today’s post is the final in a short series where I am sharing the prayers I still find easy to pray even after burying a child.
Read the rest here: Prayers I Still Pray, Last Installment
For it is by grace [God’s remarkable compassion and favor drawing you to Christ] that you have been saved [actually delivered from judgment and given eternal life] through faith. And this [salvation] is not of yourselves [not through your own effort], but it is the [undeserved, gracious] gift of God;
Ephesians 2:8 AMP
This is one of my favorite verses because it summarizes the Gospel-God calls, God saves, God keeps.
It’s ALL God.
Sadly, my human heart can forget this so easily.
Read the rest here: Faith in “Faith” or in a Faithful Father?
You want to know a secret?
Everyone, EVERYONE, wonders if they are “normal”.
And we all try on different masks trying to hide the real us just in case we aren’t.
Read the rest here: Let’s Stop Hiding, Shall We?
If you’ve joined me here for very long, you know I have a particular dislike for what I call “Sunshine Christianity”.
It’s not because I’m opposed to smiling faces and feel-good Bible verses plastered across doors, hallways, t-shirts and social media.
It’s because it doesn’t tell the whole story and sets up hearts for disappointment (at best) and walking away from Jesus (at worst) when their personal experience falls short of this hap, hap, happy picture portrayed by so many.
Read the rest here: Scripture Journal Challenge: Between A Rock And A Hard Place
I know I’m not the only one who carries a calendar in my head that threatens to explode like a ticking timebomb. Days that mean nothing to anyone else loom large as they approach.
Read the rest here: How To Survive Grief Anniversaries
I had forgotten that in 2022 I took a couple of weeks off.
I was exhausted. Flat out unable to manage anything other than minimal day-to-day responsibilities.
I truly thought (prayed!) 2023 would be different. But I’ve found myself in precisely the same place THIS year after 7+ months of hard and busy and overwhelmed.
So that’s one reason I’m doing this compendium of past posts.
I need to tap into the energy and enthusiasm I expressed in thousands of words from years gone by.
I hope it helps others as much as it’s helping me.
I didn’t grow up doing in-depth Bible studies so when I “discovered” the Bible in my early twenties, it was an exciting adventure to dig for treasure in the Word of God.
Along with Scripture itself, I devoured book after book on theology.
I could not get enough.
By my mid-thirties I had developed a fairly well-defined and defensible doctrine. I really thought I understood how God works in the world.
Then my son died.
Read the rest here: On My Worst Days, Mustard Seed Faith is Enough
I try to share this post a couple of times each year because it discusses a question many bereaved parents desperately want to answer: Did God take my child?
These are my thoughts-ones I believe are backed by Scripture and align with what I know personally about God’s character.
They are the result of many months of wrestling. I offer them in hopes they will help another heart.
❤ Melanie
This is a question that comes up all the time in bereaved parents’ groups: Did God take my child?
Trust me, I’ve asked it myself.
How you answer this question can mean the difference between giving up or going on, between turning away or trusting.
So this is MY answer. The one I’ve worked out through study, prayer and many, many tears. You may disagree. That’s just fine. I only offer it because it might be helpful to some struggling and sorrowful soul.
Read the rest here: Did God Take My Child?
thelifeididntchoose 