When I started writing, Dominic had been gone nearly 18 months.
Before I went public with my thoughts, I had filled six journals with page after page of ramblings, Scripture, quotes from books, questions and tears.
Those are some of my most precious possessions because when I look back I can see how even in the very first hours (yes, I started writing that morning) God was already bringing truth and healing to my shattered soul and broken heart.
In a couple months it will be three years since I started sharing here. And while I rarely look back on the posts in any orderly way, I can see that God has continued His faithfulness when I do.
But just like I promised when I wrote the introduction to my site, I will always be as honest as possible when I share.
So let me just tell you: It’s STILL hard.
Not in the same first, breath-robbing, soul-crushing, can’t-lift-my-head sort of way that makes a heart certain it can. not. survive.
But in a slow-leak, not-enough-air-in-my-tires sort of way that makes every road less comfortable to travel and necessitates lots of stops to make sure I can keep going.
I’ve just endured two weeks of one bad thing after another.
All of them have a solution which (on my scale) makes them hardly worth noting.
But each disrupted my life and will require significant time, energy and resources to address.
And for a heart that has learned how to make it by going slow, choosing predictable paths and incorporating lots of stops along the way, those kinds of disruptions create stress and strain on an already taxed system.
I will absolutely survive.
I’ve already survived the cruelest and most difficult days of my life.
But it’s no cake walk.
It’s still hard.
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October will be 3 years my son passed from this world. I agree that days have become softer. The healing continues, I surprise myself that I am able to calmly speak of my son the majority of the time. The waves of emotion still hit me unexpectantly, and it just reminds me how much I miss and love him. ❤ We are certainly survivors. Thank you for your honest posts.
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Sorry to hear you have had a tough couple of weeks Melanie ❤
There is a song called “Depth over Distance” which the last meme Luke posted on his Instagram just hours before he died. Having listened to the lyrics if this song deperately seeking what it had meant to Luke, I take solace from the line
“Hold on wait until that lone sun breaks from the arms of the Lord.”
My wish for you is in this line. I too Hold on….struggling until trials pass BUT it is bitter sweet as I do sometimes think that there is a possibility that Luke waited for that very moment when the sun rose that morning to go to the Lord 💔
The Lord grant you Peace in your day xxx
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My thoughts exactly!!! When it was fresh and new, the grief was constant… the ‘constant’ has faded after 3 1/2 years ……. but the tides of grief still roll in…..sometimes so unexpectedly…………I am drowning before I realize it ……sometimes that makes it even harder to deal!
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