Fear Of What You Know

Last week was a roller coaster.

My first grandchild-a boy-was born prematurely on Saturday after several days of heart stopping, breath robbing drama as his mama went back and forth to the hospital three times in as many days.

My son, his father, is deployed overseas and paddling as fast as he can to get home.

james and lillie

I am twelve hours away and leaving early this morning to go down and do whatever I can to help.  My daughter-in-law’s mother is there and I’m not offended to believe she will be better suited to help her daughter than I am.

But I’ll stay for a bit just to be an extra pair of hands.

I’m sure anyone who gets the news that mama and baby are in trouble is frightened.  It doesn’t take much for a heart to fear the worst.

But for someone who knows exactly what the worst feels like, there’s a whole other level to this terror.

Fear of what you don’t know can’t hold a candle to fear of what you know by experience.

I spent Saturday in anxious prayer, begging God for grace and mercy.  I had no idea how much it took out of me until after I heard baby and mama were doing well and the sun went down.  Exhaustion swept over me like a heavy blanket and it was all I could do to make it upstairs and crawl in bed.

I am beyond thankful that this story has a hopeful ending.  The little tyke only weighs two pounds but appears to be a fighter.  

It will be a long, hard climb for him to mature enough to leave the hospital.  There will be challenges along the way.

But his mama is on the road to recovery and his daddy is on the road (flight!) home.

I’ll spend some of the time driving down finishing the baby blanket I was making before he made his early appearance.

Every stitch is a prayer.  

I don’t know what tomorrow holds.  

But I’m thankful today is a good day.  

I’m a grandma! ❤

all wise and prehistoric

 

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

13 thoughts on “Fear Of What You Know”

  1. Pingback: Fear Of What You Know – thelifeididntchoose | Loss, Grief, Bereavement and Life Transitions Resource Library

  2. Congratulate Grandma 👵🏼💙🎈 May your little Blessing soften the harshness of your loss. I have 10 beautiful Grand Gifts that give me reason to get through this difficult journey without my firstborn son. Strength and light sound your new Gift. My granddaughter was born at 24 weeks. Weighted only 1# 11oz, 12” ..she is not 18 and flourishing.. hold hope 💙🙏🏼

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  3. Oh, Melanie! I’m so glad you can take a deeper breath now. That would be a very frightening situation. It always is when control over life and death is out of our hands. But, joy does indeed come in the morning! I will be praying, and rejoicing, with you all.

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  5. Congratulations Grandma! Being a Grandmother is the best thing ever. My 2 Grandchildren are what have kept me going since my journey into my son leaving this world. I will be praying for all of you. It is amazing the advances in NICU. A long journey but all of your followers keep you in heart and prayer.

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  6. I am and will continue to pray for strength, peace, and favor as your newest blessing grows. Congratulations on being a grandma. ❤️ Thank you for all you do for grieving and bereaved families. Your words have brought truth and comfort to this momma many times.

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  7. Melanie- Congratulations on your grandbaby! Because my son died Somehow I expected to get a pass from other unthinkable life challenges, or at least those affecting me daughter & her baby. Doesn’t always work that way…Be kind to yourself. PTSD always lays in wait. Take a minute at a time, find whatever u can to be grateful for. Good nurses, medical care, car to get there. You know the drill. Sending hope & prayers. Life is hard You are strong & brave . Xo

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  8. Congratulations gramma. What a precious blessing. I will be covering him with prayers sending Psalms 107:20 according to what is written. Continued prayers for all you family that the lord our God brring hope and strength as they walk in the shadows.

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  9. Melanie, my heart has been in my mouth as I’ve prayed for you over the last couple of day. I’m so glad Mum and baby are doing well. So very thankful. I pray the great progress continues. Enjoy this precious gift ❤️

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  13. Oh my!!! Well, first of all…congratulations on being a grandmother! And next, I am glad baby grandson is doing all right so far. I will be praying for him. Our youngest grandson is 17 months old and I pray every day that he outlives our son…his daddy…because I don’t want him to ever have to go through the terrible pain of losing a child! Praying for baby, mom, dad, and all your family! God bless you!!
    Marilyn

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