Bereaved Parents Month Post: How Am I Doing? That’s A Hard Question To Answer.

I promise I’m not being evasive.

But when you ask me how I’m doing I never know exactly what to say.

Do I give the conventional, anticipated answer so we can each get on with our day or do I give you the answer that reflects the state of my heart right now?

Either way is risky.

question

When I go along with convention and answer, “fine”, I let others off the hook.  I assure them the card they wrote or the meal they brought or the flowers they sent have staying power to convince my heart they care.

Depending on my relationship with them, sometimes it’s all (or more than) I expected.  So we’re good.

But sometimes I thought they’d stick around, check in more often or offer some kind of ongoing support.  Then I battle the temptation to reveal the actual state of my heart as a kind of retribution for being abandoned.

When I bravely offer an honest answer, I may catch someone by surprise, or make them supremely uncomfortable, or put them on the defensive as they scramble for some kind of response.

As a society we are simply unequipped to deal with the ongoing impact grief and loss has on a heart.  We want all things to fit into the medical model of “wound-treatment-healing”. 

But they don’t.  

So, so many sad, heartbreaking, life-changing blows are never healed this side of Heaven. 

Child loss is one of them.  

So some days (or moments) I’m doing pretty well.

Some days (or weeks) I’m not well at all.

How am I?

That’s a hard question to answer.  ❤

how are you fine words in letters

 

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

6 thoughts on “Bereaved Parents Month Post: How Am I Doing? That’s A Hard Question To Answer.”

  1. The true people that usually ask I’ll usually say, it’s hard but I just keep on going. Then I will say, thank you for asking, and I mean it. Thanks for asking. Thanks too for all you do for us Melanie on your daily writing. 🧡🧡

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  3. This is always the dilemma isn’t it?
    I try to steer away from “fine”. Since I am in the customer business and if it’s more about formalities then I say, “I’m not too bad..”
    If it’s people who know my story and say,”so how have you been doing?” then I say, “well..you know, some days good and some are hard.”

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  5. Our very wise minister advised us that people would ask how we were doing. He said it was perfectly fine to respond with, “We’re doing.” Leave it at that. Most people are satisfied with that and it kept us from getting into the details. It got us through the worst of it.

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