Only Natural

Whether surrounded by friends or strangers, I sift through the words threatening to fly out of my mouth very carefully.

Like most of us, there’s a script in my head that doesn’t always bear sharing.

But unlike many, part of my script involves a child that lives in Heaven.

And I’m constantly weighing whether or not I should mention him even though the conversation leads my heart to a memory I very much want to speak aloud.  It often makes others uncomfortable, awkward and upset when I do.  So sometimes I just don’t.

I hate that I edit myself like that.

I hate that another person’s response or lack of response makes me cautious.

If Dominic were still walking among us, I’d be sharing away.  His life, his work, his challenges, his accomplishments would all be fair game as I sat with fellow mothers and grandmothers talking about our families.  No one would bat an eye if I mentioned his name, said I missed him since he moved away for that job, admitted that I counted the days until the next family get-together or holiday and I could host a full table.

But because he moved to Heaven, I’m supposed to be “over him”.  I’m supposed to bow to convention and quietly stop talking about the son that’s missing from all the photos we’ve taken since 2014.  I should shush my heart and silence my lips because it makes other people uncomfortable.

I’m not doing it.

talk about them better image

Our family just welcomed the first grandchild.

Little Ryker will never see Uncle Dominic, hear his amazing drum skills or be the brunt of his snarky jokes.  But Ryker will know about Dom.  I will tell him stories and show him pictures and let him know that the chair at the end of the table is where Uncle Dom used to sit.

ryker smiling

I’ll help Ryker learn something everyone needs to know:  It’s perfectly natural to include and talk about ALL our family-the ones that are here AND the ones in Heaven.

Even when we no longer enjoy their earthly companionship, we love them and they are still very much part of our lives.

So when I’m reciting all the exciting news, be prepared.

I am mom to four, grandmama to one.

Always and forever.

Amen.

desimones uab family

 

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

12 thoughts on “Only Natural”

  2. My daughter also passed away in 2014. Sometimes I wonder if it’s “normal” to still feel this sad. It feels impossible that she’s been gone 5 years. We will celebrate her 21st birthday without her next month. I don’t know what to do. It’s still unbelievable that she’s gone. Do you feel this way? How do you get through the birthdays, milestones? No grandchildren for us yet. But, I dread not having her here for that. She loved children and couldn’t wait for one of her brothers to make her an aunt.

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    1. Honestly, I haven’t found a “magic” way to get through the milestones. I try to do what feels right or manageable on that day. And I remember that no matter how challenging or horrible or sad a day is, it only lasts 24 hours. So sometimes I simply endure, one breath at a time, until it’s just over. Praying for you dear one. ❤

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  3. AMEN! So well said and I think you should still talk about Dom. I thankfully am a mother to 2 that are still with me here and I recognize my blessings thanks to you and many other berieived mothers that I pray for. It’s a very common theme and one I learned from you all… you NEED to talk about them and hear stories about them. God bless you on your journey and know I pray for your strength and will continue to learn from you! Thank you for sharing Dom with us!

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    1. Thank you for that encouragement and for “listening” to my stories about Dom. It helps my heart. May the Lord continue to meet you where you are and give you the strength you need for each new day. ❤

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  6. Beautiful – congratulations on your grandson. I too have the same conflicts when I speak of my son Danny, but after becoming a grandma I often find the opportunity to speak to the granddaughters, now almost 4 and 7, of their Uncle Danny, one of my three sons and their dad’s younger brother . The girls enjoy the stories of my three sons that I tell and listen carefully. Your grandchildren will too….❤️

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      1. I am so, so sorry for your loss and pain. May the Lord overwhelm your broken heart with His grace, mercy and love and may He give you the strength you need for each day. ❤

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