There is so much work to do in grief!
So many chores that demand time, energy, effort and sheer determination.
Finding me again is one of them.
I think it’s hard for anyone whose family and close friend circle is complete to understand that I didn’t *just* lose Dominic when death claimed him, I lost the unique part of me that was reflected back from him. There is a “me” only he could draw out, make laugh a certain way, frustrate and tease over very specific issues.
Some memories were held between just the two of us. Now half the experience is buried with him. No matter how hard I try I can’t recall some of the details and even if I do they are only from my perspective.
Before child loss I was a mom who couldn’t imagine living without one of her children. Now I’m a mom who lives without one of her children. I still haven’t figured out all the ways that’s changed who I am and how I walk in the world.
Mirrors and photographs surprise me.
I know it’s my own face staring back but I barely recognize it.
I’m still searching for me.
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thelifeididntchoose 
LOVE your posts!
Thank you for reaching out and opening up. You echo what I feel. Dominic is so handsome!!!! Our Matthew has been with the LORD since 5/4/13. I believe he’s met Dominic and they are watching over us.š¦ššš¦
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I wonder sometimes if all our children have met in Heaven. I know they are safe and full of joy in the presence of Jesus. ā¤
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Tommorow is my son’s 3 in heaven. It would be his 22nd have on Earth. From now until Easter when passed away is my darkest time. Thank you for sharing your experience with us in this blog. I read it every day and I know I am not alone. I don’t know how to find me…..
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I call those months (different ones for me) my “Season of Sorrow”. Everything hurts more and life is harder to handle. Praying the Lord greets you every morning with grace and strength for that day. ā¤
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So so true, unfortunately!
Love everything you write, I lost my son on April 20, 2020 to a rare horrible disease. Ethan was a healthy 22 year old and got sick early December 2019. Gone in 5 months . It sucks and hurts so badly
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I am so, so sorry for your pain and your loss! It does suck. Death is awful. Praying that you feel the Father’s loving arms around you and that He overwhelms your heart with His grace and mercy. ā¤
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Loss of identity is definitely something I relate to. Thank you for sharing
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I lost my son Brandon at the age of 30 just 5 1/2 years ago and Iām still walking in those shoes . I wouldnāt want any other mother to have to wear them . My heart is so broken . I donāt like who I am. I look in the mirror and I donāt like who I see . I will never be the same . I feel I have aged 10 years or more . My husband wishes I could be the old me again , he doesnāt like the who I am now . My family thinks I should just get over it and move on , snap out of it . Well it doesnāt work that way , I wish I could wake up out of this nightmare and my son is home again and I feel normal again .
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I know the feeling, it just sucks. I want to wake up from my nightmare too. I donāt think we will ever be the same people we were. But i need to try so i can be there for my other 3 kids. Iām only 6 months out from my sons death. Itās depressing hearing it doesnāt get better as time goes by …. praying for you
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I’m so sorry for your loss Laurie. Grief comes from Love and it’s so clear that you loved Brandon with all your heart. No wonder it’s broken. But, I’m so sorry that you no longer like yourself and that you feel your husband doesn’t like the person you’ve become. I hope that one day you can look in the mirror and see a reflection that Brandon would be proud of and smile. I’m 16 years on from losing my daughter and I am trying to live my life rather than exist – to participate more, notice more and to be more curious. I’m growing into a different person and one that I think my daughter would love. Sending compassion to you
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This is encouraging but I hope it doesnāt take me 16 years lol. Iāll be an old lady. Iām happy to hear youāre becoming somewhat whole agaonšā¤ļøšš»
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I am so sorry that those closest to you are not supportive. Praying that the Lord opens their eyes and inclines their hearts toward yours. ā¤
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It’s such a hard part of grief! Praying that the Lord strengthens you on this journey. ā¤
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