Have you ever wondered why there are lists of names in the Bible? Do you, like me, sometimes rush through them or pass over them to get to the “main part” of a story?
But look again, the names ARE the story.
The God of the Bible isn’t the God of the masses. He is the God of the individual.
Read the rest here: He Knows My Name
You’d think that the depths of despair, the breath pressed out of your lungs would stop a brain from wondering if even here, I’m “normal”.
I’m not sure it’s the same need for affirmation junior high girls crave-am I doing/saying/being the things that will guarantee I fit in-but it’s a close cousin.
The human heart longs to know that what it feels is something other hearts feel.
I was desperate for assurance that what I was going through fell well within the range of “normal”.
So let me assure you.
If you wonder if all these crazy emotions are normal in grief, the answer is a resounding, “Yes!”.
Grief is a ball of emotions any one of which may demand more or less of your attention on a given day. It’s not just sadness or missing or sorrow or even pain.
It’s anger, frustration, rage, relief, abandonment, jealousy, rejection, inadequacy, guilt, denial, dismay, apathy, bitterness, longing, anxiety, woe, depression, vindictiveness, despair, confusion, depression, yearning and more.
Just like loving a living child is complex and complicated, loving a child that has run ahead to Heaven is just as complex.
So don’t make your journey harder by worrying that what you’re feeling is outside the range of normal.
It isn’t.
I promise. ❤
Oh, dear one who opened your eyes to the morning light carrying wounds so deep no one can see!
I am so, so sorry.
When things have gone terribly wrong it’s hard to get up and make merry.
I know.
Read the rest here: Christmas Morning Prayer for Hurting Hearts
Grief can be isolating.
It separates me as one who knows loss by experience from those who have only looked on from the outside.
It opens a chasm between me and people who aren’t aware that life can be changed in a single instant.
And I can feel like no one sees me, no one cares about me and no one notices my pain.
Sometimes it even feels like God has forgotten me-that He isn’t listening, that He doesn’t care.
Read the rest here: He Knows My Name
I’m not brave by nature.
If I have a choice, I will run every time. But there are just some things worth fighting for.
My family is one of them.
I will not let the enemy have them.
I will not allow despair to overtake us, fear to bind us, hopelessness to sap our strength.
I will not let death win.
Read the rest here: I Will Not Be Moved
I need to remind myself of this every few days.
I’ve mentioned it before.
I’ve encouraged others not to resist.
But I want to be absolutely clear: Losing my son made me doubt EVERYTHING.
Read the rest here: He Will Hold Me Fast
There are many burdens bereaved parents bear in addition to the heaviness of living with child loss.
Some had unfinished business,
some were estranged,
some had harsh words
or no words at all before their child left them.
And some are oh, so afraid that the child that made a sincere profession of faith in Christ might not be in heaven because he or she was living outside the will of God when they died.
I can’t offer words to undo or soothe some of the other burdens, but I can offer hope from the Word of God to assure any parent afraid for the eternal salvation of their child that he or she is safely Home.
If your child made a genuine profession of faith in Christ, then no single impulsive decision or even a series of bad choices, can undo what God has done for him or her through the blood of Jesus.
If Satan is not strong enough to snatch us from God’s hand, our feeble human choices are certainly not strong enough!
Jesus declared those whom the Father had given Him could in no way be snatched from His hand:
28 And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.
29 My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father’s hand.
30 I and my Father are one.
John 10:28-30 KJV
The circumstances of a child’s death do not negate his or her profession of faith in the blood of Christ Jesus!
42 Then he [the repentent thief on the cross] said, “Jesus, remember me when you enter your kingdom.”
43 He said, “Don’t worry, I will. Today you will join me in paradise.”
Luke 22: 42-43 MSG
I realize that various denominational traditions teach different things, but I am utterly convinced that it is God Himself Who calls, Who saves, Who keeps and Who is keeping at this moment our precious children who put their trust in Jesus:
For it is by grace [God’s remarkable compassion and favor drawing you to Christ] that you have been saved [actually delivered from judgment and given eternal life] through faith. And this [salvation] is not of yourselves [not through your own effort], but it is the [undeserved, gracious] gift of God;
Ephesians 2:8 AMP
I also rest satisfied that He Who began a good work in our children is faithful to complete it. If salvation depended on our good works, or our own faithfulness-ALL of us would be lost.
We are hid in Christ. His righteousness (and HIS alone) is our righteousness.
For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.
Colossians 3:3 KJV
Our sins are flung as far as the east is from the west. They are hid behind God’s back-unviewable (have you ever tried to see something on the small of your back-without a mirror?):
Dominic was not at the height of his Bible-toting, church-going, praise-song-singing days when he left us. He was an adult student in law school, living in his own apartment and making his own choices. He made some I didn’t like. But that doesn’t change the FACT that he belonged (and STILL belongs) to Jesus.
Your child who trusted Jesus is safe, dear parent.
He is in his really, truly Home.
One day there will be great joy when we are reunited. Until then, we rely on the promises of God in Christ to see us through.
I pray for every parent reading that God overwhelms your hurting heart with His love, grace and mercy and assures you of His faithfulness.
And may He give you strength for each new day.
❤ Melanie
I’m a stickler for accurate theology.
While that might make for interesting and lively debate with fellow believers, force of habit limits my imagination when it comes to what I believe with certainty about Heaven.
So on the other side of sending my child ahead of me to live with Jesus, I find I wish I were more free to make up scenes of what he might be doing there. But I cannot, no matter how hard I try, create a movie-style narrative that includes him and the saints that have gone before.
And that leaves a gaping hole in addition to the unfillable abyss in my heart of where Dominic used to be.
I also do not believe my son sends me signs from heaven. I wrote about that here a few months ago. Although I do believe that God Himself can and does use the natural world to encourage my heart and give me hope.
And approaching the third anniversary of Dominic’s leaving, I need a little encouragement to hope.
So a few weeks ago I did something for myself that I probably should have done long before. I bought six beautiful sets of windchimes-different lengths, different tones-and hung them all around my house under the porch eaves where even the slightest breeze sets them swaying.
They help me remember what Jesus told Nicodemus, “The wind blows all around us as if it has a will of its own; we feel and hear it, but we do not understand where it has come from or where it will end up. Life in the Spirit is as if it were the wind of God.” ( John 3:8 VOICE)
They help me remember that God drew Dominic to Himself by His Spirit when he was a little boy in ways I can’t see or fully understand.
They help me remember that God was present and working on the day He called him Home.
They help me remember that God is working right now to hold my heart steady and help me rest firmly on His promise that we will be together one day for eternity.
God has not abandoned me.
Every tinkling sings hope to my heart.
Today is 35 months-almost three years since I was awakened to the news no parent wants to hear.
And, yes, I still count the months.
Every 12th rolls around and reminds me that while Dominic’s leaving was an event on the calendar to others, it is an ongoing experience for me and my family.
I don’t say this for pity’s sake.
Pity is a poor substitute for what I really want: I want my son back; my family whole; my world unshattered and unshaken; my biggest problem to be how to get all my grown children together at the same place at the same time for holidays.
I can’t have what I really want.
So I hold on to what I have-the Truth that every promise of God in Christ is “yes” and “amen”. And the memories-I hold onto the memories.
I have the first Bible we ever gave Dominic.
It endured rough use-the corners chewed on, the pages bent and the covers full of creases where they’ve been folded back and forth.
We chose it because it is one of those children’s Bibles with pictures inserted every so often-old fashioned images taken from paintings no longer guarded by copyright or trusts.
His very favorite page was the illustration of David and Goliath-his most treasured story and his most requested reading.
We even had a “David and Goliath” themed birthday party way before Pinterest.
I made a life-sized version of Goliath and hung him on the wall so the boys could stand next to it for a photo.
I was recently reminded of these memories when a video made it’s rounds on Facebook (you can watch it here ).
It’s easy to focus on the fact that David’s stone slew the giant. But what my heart holds onto are David’s words, “All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.” (I Samuel 17:47)
David had little confidence in his own strength. He wasn’t certain that his skill in slinging rocks was what guaranteed victory. No. He was absolutely convinced that Jehovah would not allow His Name to be sullied. He rested in the fact of God’s faithful covenantal love.
He bet his life on it.
If you read the Old Testament you will find example after example of God’s people begging Him for mercy-not because they deserve it-but because it reflects the truth of Who He is.
Abraham leads Isaac up the mountain and tells his servant, “We will return”.
Why?
Because he trusted that God’s promises were true, that God could not and would not lie.
Moses begs God to give the Israelites another chance because if they perished, it would desecrate His Name.
Daniel asks God to remember His covenant, not for the sake of the people, but for the sake of His reputation.
On and on and on.
So in this Valley of the Shadow of Death, I don’t beg for mercy and grace because I think I DESERVE it.
I beg for mercy and grace because the character of God guarantees it.
God will finish what He started-not for me but for His kingdom.
His faithful love endures forever not because I am worthy but because He has claimed me for His own.
He will not allow His Name to be defamed.
I bet my life on it.
Whether I think about it or not, every day I’m feeding my soul.
I’m either feeding it truth from God’s Word so that it can grow fat and full of hope, joy, contentment and peace or I’m feeding it with the lies of this world so that it shrivels and becomes cold, disheartened, cynical and disillusioned.
I don’t always make the right choice.
Sometimes I give in to the temptation to linger long over my questions without answers, my pain without end in sight and my desire to have my old life back.
I have to choose, as an act of will, to turn away from despair and turn again to the Lover of my soul.
And when I do, He restores my soul, just as He promised.
The Psalms are full of verses that feed my soul hope and peace:
Adonai is a stronghold for the oppressed, a tower of strength in times of trouble.
~Psalm 9:10 CJB
I told You, Eternal One, “You are my Lord, for the only good I know in this world is found in You alone.”
~Psalm 16:2 VOICE
The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.
~Psalm 28:7 KJV
When struck by fear, I let go, depending securely upon You alone.
~Psalm 56:3 Voice
Trust God, my friends, and always tell him each one of your concerns. God is our place of safety.
~Psalm 62:8 CEV
Never forget your promises to me your servant, for they are my only hope. They give me strength in all my troubles; how they refresh and revive me!
~Psalm 119:50 TLB
Guess what happens when you linger with the Lord?
He restores your soul.
– Eric Mason
thelifeididntchoose 