Lots of Questions, No Answers

After screaming, “Oh no!  Oh no!”  the next words out of my mouth were, “Why? Why MY son?”

Nearly three and a half years later I have yet to receive an answer.

And I don’t expect to get one this side of heaven although every fiber of my being continues to cry out for some kind of explanation.

But, really, what answer would ever satisfy my mama heart?

Even if God allowed me to see everything He is weaving together through my sorrow and pain how could I embrace it as fully as I embraced the little baby laid in my arms over 27 years ago?  My flesh would continue to yearn for the physical presence of my son,  my soul would continue to mourn his too-soon (from my perspective) departure from this mortal life.

I am convinced that the only answer that will be enough is Jesus Himself.

When I meet Him face-to-face, my fears, my questions, my tears and my pain will melt away in the glorious perfection of absolute joy.  No corner of my heart will remain unfilled, no aching longing will be remembered.

I will not shake my fist and say, “WHY???”

I won’t have to.

I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice?
― C.S. Lewis

those that wait in hope shall not be ashamed

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

6 thoughts on “Lots of Questions, No Answers”

  2. My dear Melanie – You have an uncanny knack of saying exactly what I need to hear, exactly when I need to hear it. Thank you for speaking from your heart and continuing to share your journey. ❤

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  3. This spoke right to my heart this morning. Thank you for the reminder that Jesus is MORE than enough. I want to hold my boy, but I long to be with my Savior. Much love sent to you this morning. Ann

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  4. Melanie, seventeen months later I still have this yearning to talk to someone who has also lost a child as if they could put my heart at ease and give me answers that I so desperately seek. As I read your writing this morning I realize I like you would not be satisfied even if we knew why, nor I think could I comprehend. I am reading the book of Job and also Nancy Guthrie’s book, Holding on to Hope, which I’ve read a couple of times now. Hope is the anchor for our souls and even when I cannot see or fail to understand I believe that all He requires of us is trust. Thank you for sharing your brokenness and know that you help so many of us to be directed back to Christ when we are drifting out into the darkness of death that we are walking through. God bless you richly.

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