Birthday Ideas? Anyone?

Some folks are great at it.

They find a tagline or a cause or even a certain color and it becomes shorthand for remembering and honoring their missing child.

Me, not so much.

Dominic wasn’t the kind of person you could sum up in a few words or a certain favorite anything.

He was a drummer, a social commentator, an adrenaline junkie, a fitness fanatic, a neat freak, a bargain hunter, a mechanic, an electronics aficionado, so very funny and a loyal and fierce friend.

He could be sarcastic and cutting.

He was nearly always brutally honest. His twitter feed is full of (sometimes misspelled) witty commentary on everyday irritations and observations. I can hear his voice in my head when I read them.

Dominic was also kind and compassionate.

He was often the kid that sat next to the kid that no one else wanted to sit with. His friends from law school told me tale after tale of how he helped them with one thing or another, how he went out of his way to be there for them and how his kindness made a difference.

He was a stubborn mule too.

When he’d established a position it took a heap of convincing to get him to change his mind. More than once he simply waited the other person out, trusting exhaustion to do the work of making his case.

His thirtieth birthday is coming up in a few days. It will be the seventh one without him.

If he was still here I’d do what I do for most milestone birthdays-create a portfolio of gift cards in an amount equal to the years. I love hunting down a recipient’s favorite places to shop and filling up the envelope.

I’m still not good at figuring out what to do about birthdays down here when he’s in Heaven and probably not even marking the day.

He would hate balloons.

He’d know none of us needed any cake.

Between now and then I’m going to try to think of something.

Any ideas?

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

8 thoughts on “Birthday Ideas? Anyone?”

  1. Another beautiful post..on the one day I will always Celebrate as others will too, although I mean that in a respectful way .the day that our child was BORN, but they can’t be with us unthinkable isn’t it so we have to keep them close in our hearts and thoughts, so the world knows they will never be forgotten and they are loved to eternity!!!
    I have already decided that the dreadful day he left for heaven is not one I want to remember..when that date comes I shall retreat into my shell. I literally cannot bear even the thought as the calendar heads towards it. The worst is both these dates are in the same month for us.
    I’ve seen some beautiful photos of Dominic you kindly posted cross country running…and also musical photos ..playing drums etc.. he radiates happiness in his lovely smile …So how about something that celebrates one or all of these things..a sponsored run/walk/push by friends and family..donations to a charity of Dominic’s passion? Or how about some friends getting together and playing on those drums to celebrate the end of that..any donations to something Dominic was passionate about? You probably have done this already !
    I’m sure you’ll have plenty of ideas like that because whatever you do it’ll be filled to the rafters with love and you’ll be surrounded it …Dominic will hear it up there !!! God Bless xxxx.
    Thanks Melanie.x


  2. Our Brandon loved fireworks. If the conditions work, we do a few. He also loved to target practice with his pistol. That fills in the times when fireworks conditions won’t work. Our prayers, Melanie. Brandon’s birthday is also in a few days. We understand. 💧💙🙏🏻

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My son died May 7, 2019 at age 18. For the month of May 2020 I wanted to do one random act of kindness a day but with shelter in place I am stuck at home. I have been mailing a $10 gift card to Chick-Fil-A (his favorite restaurant) to a family member or friend with his picture asking them to pay it forward each day. It feels nice on my end and people have been happy to receive it.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dominic sounds like such an incredible person. I wish I had met him. He sounds similar to my son, Nick. Maybe they are friends in heaven. I’d like that.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Last year was Karis 30th birthday and I too wanted to mark it. Somehow it seemed extra special, possibly because it was the life expectancy we were always given for her. We expected to beat it well and truly, but of course that wasn’t to be. 😥
    Initially I had BIG plans. About 6 months before I began planning a fundraising dinner, with a goal of raising enough money to start a new Mums and Babies home for Compassion (a Charity close to Kari’s heart and mine). It would be a beautiful tribute to Kari, who loved babies SO much, but never got to have her own.
    Obstacles seemed to be constantly in the way, as plans changed to a fundraising lunch and then a picnic. (Kari loved picnics) In the end it was way too stressful and I reluctantly scrapped the whole fundraising idea.
    After a little while to recover, I resurrected the idea of the picnic, but without the pressure of fundraising. I invited her close friends and relatives and we celebrated Kari. I had a cake and we mingled and told some Kari stories, but mostly just chatted and caught up. Kari’s godfather said to me “I thought it was really weird that you wanted to have a birthday party for Kari when she’s not even here, but it’s been really nice”. To be honest, I really didn’t care if people thought it was weird. I needed to do it. I think it’s the last “big” thing I’ll do in her name or in her memory, but that could change down the track.
    Is there something Dominic loved to do, or eat, or enjoy that you could share on the day with family and close friends? I love the idea of gifting and raising money in their memory etc, but for me it came down to just remembering and celebrating my girl and the incredible blessing she was to me (and so many others)
    I hope you will find something that feels “just right” for you. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  6. It will always be your Happy BIRTHing day Melanie. Celebrate his sunrise into his earthly life. I try hard to focus on the day he first was laid into my awaiting arms. As Christ welcomed him into his arms at his rebirth. John weighed 10# 2 ozs. At 46, his cremains where returned before we interned his ash’s back to the earth. I was crushed in grief, rocking that box and I realized the weight seemed so familiar. Yes, I did weigh the box 😢😢. Yes, it weighted 10#s 2 ozs. That day I found a little grace, gratitude in grief. Heavenly 30th Dominic. 🌅🕯💙🙏 Peace to your grieving heart Mama

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: