Every spring and every fall we dutifully make the rounds to our clocks and digital devices, putting them first forward an hour and then back in an attempt to make the days “longer”.
As if time was in our hands.
The sun rises and sets according to the Creator’s schedule, we can neither speed the world’s turning, nor slow it down.
We can only choose whether to be present in the moments He grants us.
Read the rest here: Time Change
We all know those folks-the ones who have a kind word, quick smile and warm hug for everyone they meet.
And we all know the other type-the ones that suck the oxygen out of the room when they walk in and effectively dim any spark of hope a heart might be trying to fan into flame.
I want to be the former, not the latter.
I want to be a light bearer, not a candle snuffer.
In fact, this has become my anthem since Dominic left for Heaven. I cannot bear to think I’m heaping weight onto an already burdened soul.
A smile, a kind word, an outstretched hand may be exactly what a hurting heart needs that minute to keep holding onto hope.
And how many of us are just about to let go at any given minute?
So much of the New Testament is about perseverance. Who needs to persevere if life is full of rainbows and unicorns?
No.
Perseverance is needed for trial and hardship.
My guess is that if you’re reading this, you know about both.
So I pray that the Lord will send someone each day to encourage YOUR heart.
And, being strengthened yourself, you will pass it on.
Life is hard. Most of the time I wanted a participation ribbon just for living through another day. We don’t give each other enough credit for hanging in there during tough times, and we often criticize more than we comfort. Can you imagine what our world would look like if we spent more time encouraging people who are making it against all odds instead of criticizing them?
Paul told us to ‘encourage one another and build each other up’ (1 Thessalonians 5:11). … While God in His infinite wisdom and timing does choose to deliver some of us quickly, many of us spend years persevering before we find freedom and healing for our wounds.
~Esther Fleece, No More Faking Fine
I think I will repost this every year as long as I maintain this space.
It may get old for some, but it will never get old for me.
While my heart is turned toward thankfulness this time of year, I’m also profoundly aware of my own brokenness…
Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday.
My birthday sometimes falls on the day itself, and I have often been able to celebrate with extended family and friends-a full table of food and a full house of fellowship.
Read the rest here: Thankful But Broken
Except for a few years early in childhood, I have never liked Halloween. The combination of darkness and creepiness makes my skin crawl.
And now, this side of child loss it makes me angry.
Read the rest here: Halloween
When someone invites you in and serves up her deepest pain along with the coffee it might feel like a trap or a burden or a bother.
But it’s actually an act of great respect and trust.
Not everyone gets the privilege of hearing a heart laid bare and broken, vulnerable and uncovered.
If you are entrusted with such a treasure, consider it a sacred privilege.
Treat it with care.
Carry it carefully.
Wrap it in love.
❤
We don’t mean to speak words that echo like a whistle in an empty auditorium.
But we do.
We open our mouths and pour out platitudes because that’s what’s been poured into us.
But we need to stop. We need to listen.
And then we need to respond to the heart that stands before us and not to our need to shut down and shut up and shut out another person’s pain.
It’s hard to choose compassion. It’s hard to lean in and listen well. It’s hard to let our hearts get all tangled up with someone else’s when we could just walk away.
I am well aware that you have a life of your own full of drama, daily duties and demands. I don’t want to drain you dry.
Truly.
But I might need just a moment of your time and a bit of your courage to make it through my own darkness and despair.
One word.
One REAL word.
“I’m sorry. That is awful.”
“I hate that you have this heavy burden.”
“How can I pray for you?”
“I don’t know what to say, but I want you to know I’m here and not going anywhere.”
When I was a little girl, I struggled mightily being afraid of the dark.
Sometimes I could barely close my eyes because I was scared something terrible would happen between going to sleep and waking up.
I outgrew that as I grew into my faith.
But after Dominic ran ahead to Heaven, I found myself again afraid to go to sleep.
Not because of “monsters” hiding beneath the bed but because it was between sleep and wake that he left.
I fell asleep with four living children and woke up with three.
I’m still not so good at falling asleep or staying asleep-just another change child loss has wrought in my life. Most nights I have to talk myself into it.
I recite truth to my spirit, sing songs to my soul.
I remind my heart that God was with me and was with Dominic the night he was killed.
He was with me the morning I got the news and Dominic is with Him forever in Heaven.
I’ve learned that leaning into Him, I can find rest and wake to a new day, confident that whatever the sunrise brings, I am not alone.
You don’t have to bury a child to know that changing long-standing family traditions around holidays is a hard, hard thing.
Just ask a parent trying to work out Thanksgiving and Christmas for the first time after an adult child marries. Suddenly the way things have “always been” are no longer the way things are.
If you’ve decided to try to do things differently this year, you know that means telling other folks who might not like it.
And that’s really hard.
But the sooner you have those conversations, the better.
Because the only thing that makes it worse is procrastinating until it feels like an ambush to your extended family and friends.
Read the rest here: Grief, Holidays and Hard Conversations
I have never wanted to make my life journey with blinders on. I realized young that MY perspective is not the only one. I understand that more clearly now.
So I try hard to think about, acknowledge and accommodate the feelings and needs of others.
But it’s especially challenging since Dominic left us. And doubly so this time of year when every sight, smell and song screams, “It’s the holidays and HE IS NOT HERE!“
I may not be as thoughtful to some in my circle as want to be, but I will expend every ounce of energy and effort I can muster to make space for my living children’s needs during this season.
Read the rest here: Holidays and Grief: Surviving Siblings
I wish I had found some of these ideas before we headed into our first set of holidays after Dominic ran ahead to Heaven.
It would have helped so very much.
So I’m sending these out early enough so that someone else may be both validated and liberated in planning how to approach one of the most difficult times of year for bereaved parents.
I pray they reach the heart that needs them. ❤
It cannot be overstated: holidays are extremely hard after loss. Every family gathering highlights the hole where my son SHOULD be, but ISN’T.
There is no “right way” or “wrong way” to handle the holidays after losing a child.
For many, there is only survival-especially the very first year.
These days also stir great internal conflict: I want to enjoy and celebrate my living children and my family still here while missing my son that isn’t. Emotions run high and are, oh so difficult to manage.
Read the rest here: Practical Ideas for Dealing with the Holidays after Child Loss
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