One of the things I’ve been forced to embrace in the wake of child loss is that there are very few questions, experiences or feelings that are simple anymore.
Read the rest here: It’s Complicated
Tag: authenticity
Ask Away!
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard or read bereaved parents second-guessing themselves. They say or write: “I know you’re not supposed to ask ‘why?'”
Baloney! The Psalms are FILLED with “Why God?”
Questions are where the rubber meets the road in the Christian life.
Questions are where I learn to submit my heart to the lordship of a God Who loves me and Who has a perfect plan even when all I can see is pain.
Questions are the way I weed my garden of faith-they force me to choose between trust and doubt.
“There are those who say faith means you never doubt. Those who live by the creed, ‘Don’t ask questions!’
But I say faith is exactly what you cling to in the margins of doubt–when you have exhausted all the possibilities that exist in the physical, you-can-touch-it world and yet you KNOW there is MORE”
Read the rest of this post here:Debate and Faith
Share this:
The Hard Question of Prayer
In the wake of burying Dominic, the most difficult spiritual discipline for me to recover has been prayer.
In part because my heart just doesn’t know what to ask for or how to talk to a God Who has allowed this pain in my life.
In part because I don’t really have a framework for placing the prayers I want to pray inside my ongoing struggle to commit my future and the future of my family to the hands of a Father Who didn’t step in to prevent Dominic’s death.
I still struggle with this.
“When it’s not your kid you can think of all kinds of lofty, theologically correct arguments or reasons for why God answers one prayer and not another–for why one person is healed and not another–for why one person survives a devastating-should-have-killed-him accident but not another.
But when it is your child that doesn’t survive or isn’t healed or is stolen through the violent actions of someone else…well, that’s a different matter entirely.”
Read the rest of this post here: The Problem of [Un]Answered Prayer
Share this:
Rest
For the next few days I’m taking a break from creating lengthy new posts. So I’ll be posting some short notes of encouragement along with quotes I treasure and maybe re-posting the most popular old entries.
The summer heat is on here in Alabama and I think I need a little “refresh and renew” time.
I pray that each one reading this and carrying the heavy burden of missing a child of your heart will also be refreshed and renewed-that even in the midst of heartache and pain,
you will hear the Father’s voice,
you will know the Savior’s love and
you will receive fresh wind for the journey from the Spirit of God.
YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE.
Love,
Melanie
Share this:
Leaning on the Everlasting Arms
Growing up digesting Disney fairy tales can warp your sense of reality.
There are no unblemished princes or perfect princesses out there. The bad guys don’t always get what they deserve and the good guys don’t always win.
At least not here on earth.
Read the rest here: Messy Lives, Merciful Savior
Share this:
Changed
I’m not the same me I was two years ago.
I no longer look with confidence down the driveway as friends and family pull away, certain that we will see one another soon.
I whisper, “Be safe” when we part, but know that they are not the keeper of their days and that “being safe” doesn’t mean everyone escapes deadly peril.
Read the rest here: A Different Me
Share this:
You Don’t Have to Pretend
It’s OK to not be OK.
If you are grieving, you are not responsible for making others feel better about YOUR pain.
You have suffered a great wound and you carry a heavy load.
You are allowed to express sorrow and longing. It’s what people do.
It’s what we have to do if we are going to make it through this dark valley.
Find a safe person and let. it. out.
Bottling it up inside only drags me deeper under the waves. Hiding my tears doesn’t save me from sorrow, it only makes me ashamed and anxious.
And there is nothing shameful in grieving my missing child.
Great grief is the price I pay for great love.
I’m not advocating pitching a fit in public.
It’s good to be sensitive to other people, and I want to extend the same courtesy and kindness to others I would like to have extended to me.
BUT–when sorrow rolls over me like a tidal wave, I do not have to hide to preserve the comfort of others.
And I won’t.
Share this:
I Am What I Am
The cartoon character Popeye responded to critics with “I am what I am”.
And while this phrase can be used to excuse all sorts of bad behavior, there is a ring of truth to it.
Every one of us is the sum of our experiences. Each of us is hemmed in by what we know and how we are made.
We are more than the things that happen to us.
But, in part, we are Defined by Moments.
Share this:
June Challenge From Kathleen Duncan
I have met a number of amazing women on this journey I would never have chosen for myself.
They encourage me, love me and give me a safe place to bare my pain, my questions and my prayer requests.
One of these women is Kathleen Duncan, a fellow homeschool veteran and also a bereaved mother. She blogs at Kathleenbduncan and I highly recommend you check out her site.
This month she’s posting a daily challenge and has invited others to join in.
I’m pretty sure that I won’t manage to do it every day, but today’s prompt was too good to pass up, and I had the time to write something.
The prompt is: ” One Piece of Advice”
My response:
Make peace with yourself-your body, your hair, your personality and all the things that make you, “you”.
Don’t wait until things are “better”, “perfect” or somehow different to jump in and savor the life you have and the people God gives you.
Be yourself, no one is better qualified!
Share this:
Unhealthy Denial
Ignoring pain doesn’t make it go away.
The world we live in is a broken place where bad things happen and life can be hard.
Sometimes believers in Christ can convince themselves that admitting their world is dark with pain or suffering or questions diminishes the power of God–that it speaks ill of God or that it means God is insufficient to uphold us in our weakness.
If I pretend that I’m never afraid, or that I never experience darkness, I am denying others my aid.
Even worse, I may be shaming them to silence, sending the message that if they are experiencing pain, something is wrong with THEM.
God of the Day and God of the Night
thelifeididntchoose 