It’s really hard to wrap my mind around what exactly Dominic is doing now that he’s not here with me. Sometimes I try to create a narrative or a scene or a story line that gives me something to hold on to.
It’s not easy though.
So I absolutely understand why some parents think of their missing child as their “guardian angel”. But that just doesn’t correspond to what Scripture tells me about what happens after death.
I firmly believe that there is a heaven and that my son is there, in the presence of Jesus and the saints that have gone before.
We are confident, then, and would much prefer to leave our home in the body and come to our home with the Lord.
I Corinthians 5:8 CJB
He’s not an angel nor has he been assigned to look out for me down here with some kind of supernatural power to intervene and make things happen-either good or bad.
He is worshiping with other believers at the feet of Jesus, the Lamb slain before the foundation of the world.
And honestly, that brings me more comfort than the thought that he is watching me suffer his absence down here.
Dominic loved me-still loves me, I believe-and if he were aware of the deep pain his absence causes it would be torture for him.
But in the presence of Christ there is only joy.
You teach me the way of life. In your presence is total celebration. Beautiful things are always in your right hand.
Psalm 16:11 CEB
So he cannot know my pain.
It would break his heart.
It is great consolation in this journey to realize that he is beyond ALL pain and sorrow.
I am deeply thankful for that.
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thelifeididntchoose 
I truly agree with what you have shared on your post. I cringe whenever I hear a grieving parent say that “God needed another angel in heaven” when trying to justify the death of their child. I know it may be a comforting thought to some but true comfort comes from Biblical truth….the loving inspired word of our Father. I am blessed beyond measure in knowing where my son resides for all eternity and that me and my family will be with him and Jesus soon.
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In reading these responses the one thing I feel is true: we grieving parents all have the same common denominator, a loss unbridled, but also a faith to tether us all. I have missed dear, 30 year old son Daniel now for almost 3 years. I feel him daily and like many of you, feel his presence and him watching over us all. Is it Biblical? Are my feelings founded on The Word? I don’t know…I just know what I feel. Does he see me cry? I think he does. Does it make him feel sad. I don’t think so…not in an earthly way. I believe Daniel is fully gloried next to our Father in Heaven and I believe he waits for us all…but I also concoct this image that he’s working with Jesus 🙂 to send us regular touches of him because he knows it brings us comfort (the way his 4 year old son runs, talks, eats…the irredescent clouds recently spotted on my birthday…the number of his football jersey seen everywhere…the feathers…the songs…the forget me nots in a field that NEVER has bloomed forget me nots until the summer after his death….the person named Daniel at the bank, the airport, the everywhere…). I know none of this is based on Scripture, but it is what I feel, and I hope no one ever corrects me and tells me not to feel what I feel. We all do what we can. I feel Daniel watching over us all, fully glorified in Heaven, not wanting to come back, but just waiting, sending comfort to us all, always.
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Peggy, thank you for sharing this. I agree with you. I feel my son Scotty every day. I look for him , I feel him and no one can take that away. Thank you for sharing.
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my Lydia was 23 when she took her life. she didnt believe in God or the son of God, Jesus. she had budda statues and believed more in the hindu religion. she isnt with jesus in heaven and i will never see her again. my Hell on earth until the day i get to die to be out of this devastating pain
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Hurt, confused,angry,lost..dont know what i thought i knew to be true so many views,interpertations.. whats the truth? I love and miss my daughter with every breathe I take and every beat of my heart 💔💔
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I agree Melanie. My daughter is not an angel watching over me or her friends. You put it very tenderly and straight, according to The Bible without hurting anyone. I some times think I’m more eager to see my daughter than The Lord himself… that’s clearly wrong. I’ve been so ingrained by my grief, my sorrow that Jesus has taken a backseat. I just dont feel like I ever get my faith right. It hurts to breath somedays. I should consume himself with my heavenly father yet I’m too preoccupied by my daughters life and death. It’s a struggle. Actually everything these days are a struggle. Is God mad at me? Did I do something? Did she? Did I do enough? I know salvation is a gift. I’m questioning things in my spiritual life that I used to take for granted. When it was easy to believe i Believed! Now that the road is so tough, I’m wondering if I had faith at all. Idk can’t really explain what I mean. I hope you or someone gets what I mean.
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I understand exactly what you are saying. I too struggle with my faith that once came so easily to me my entire life until the death of my daughter. I continue to remind myself that what He says is true…what He promises in His word is true… regardless of how I feel. He has not changed. My longing to see my daughter is stronger than my longing to see Jesus and it terrifies me because I know I should long more for Him. I don’t know how to make it different though.
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Trish Adams what you describe is normal for someone who believes in God’s power to change the situation pertaining to your child’s death but knowing that he did not change it therefore he allowed it and that is a hard pill to swallow your foundation has been moved from under your feet and you are trying to look up you do have faith it’s different because it has been tried and tested. you long to feel normal and you feel like you fail .Its a daily struggle but I know for sure the Lord knows your struggle and he understands you long to be home with you’re child that day will come .Even if you feel you are not doing it right the right way is to realize you are only human and you deserve a break .Your thoughts are between heaven and Earth and that is ok .Keep fighting for the ultimate prize you will make it.Baby steps breathe , cry, pray,repeat , but above all don’t lose hope.You are special you are loved no matter what.
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I struggle with exactly the same feeling.
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I really get what you mean – I feel exactly the same
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❤
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I understand what you mean, Susan. It’s easier to believe when the idea of God being sovereign, loving and good fit with my idea of what loving and good mean. I know He is still all those things but it doesn’t feel good nor loving that His plan includes my son’s death. One thing I’ve come to acknowledge is that faith is still faith (maybe MORE faith?) when it doesn’t come easy but my heart still holds on. I pray the Lord meets you where you are, gives you what you need and helps your heart hold onto hope. ❤
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Oh Wow! You just said Exactly how I feel. In my case it was my son James 25. I absolutely know what you are going through. What you said, All Of It.
I have only said this out loud to two people. My husband and my mom.
I am so ashamed of my feelings and praying relentlessly for God to help me not feel this way. I don’t know how to overcome these feelings. I pray for forgiveness.
You are not alone! I will pray for you and please pray for me too.
Thank you so very much for sharing how you feel. Because just like you I thought I was the only one. Sending you love and hugs from one broken 💔 to yours.
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My daughter has been gone nearly 6 weeks now and it feels like 6,000 weeks. It’s interesting how I feel the opposite of all who have posted.
I guess it’s proof that we all grieve in very different ways. I am so struggling with watching my daughter’s son & daughter and grieving over her not being here and missing out with what they are doing. So I desperately want to know that she is watching them and even beside them when they are happy or when they are scared. I’m reading Heaven by Randy Alcorn and his interpretation of verses in Revelation is that people in heaven possibly can see and know what is going on down here on earth. The only way that could be the case is that they are watching with a different perspective (heavenly perspective) and God might possibly limit what they see also. I believe she can see what is going on but she thinks & sees things in a different way than she did when she was here on earth. Because she too would be sad when the kids cry for her. Obviously no one really knows.
So it is important for each of us to read God’s Word and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to us what He wants us to know about heaven.
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That is my deep pain also. Watching my daughter’s son and knowing what all he and she are missing together breaks my heart. He still cries for her also. He’s 5 and she’s been in heaven 7 months.
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I agree!
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❤
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I have come to the same conclusion during the past 20 months. If heaven has no more pain or sorrow, Then I have come to believe Timothy can not see me or have any memory of earth. If could see my pain, he would hurt. If he remembered that he left me here, he would know that I hurt and he would hurt.
I believe when I go to heaven I will be reunited with Timothy and all my loved ones. I believe we will know each other in heaven… but, we will not remember or know anyone on earth,until they join us in heaven
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I think, though, that my son can pray for me and his siblings and his dad, and that being so much closer to God now, he does a good job of it.
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Brenton would be the same if he knew the true depth of the pain I live with daily because of his loss. I, too, rest assured that he no longer suffers any pain or sorrow. He would never let his “momma” be in pain because of himself.
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I console myself with the thought that my beloved son, Dale is praising and singing around the throne, with the angels and other heavenly beings. Sometimes in church I feel especially close to him knowing we are all praising the Lord! Can’t wait to join in that praising.
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Yes! I feel the same during worship!
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Amanda had a lovely voice. I see her on the praise team singing her heart away. We are created beings in the image of God and not created as angels. I don’t see us as morphing over to be an angel when we get heaven. Luke 16:19-31 talks about a great chasm between here and there and no one can cross over. So I don’t see how they could even get here if they wanted to.
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I believe also that Mikal is part of heaven’s “praise and worship”! I have never believed we become angels… and since the Bible tells us There are no tears in heaven.. I think he is not “looking down” on my sorrow. I prefer to think he is so surrounded by the love of his Heavenly Father, that when God calls me and I enter heaven, that Mikal will turn and say”Hi Mom! I’m glad you’re home!”
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