Category: bereaved parent groups

Heartache and Hope: November Ministry Update

Last month was a wonderful opportunity for ministry firsts!

I hosted the first retreat for bereaved moms and it was a great blessing.

Five women shared their stories, their children and studied the Word of God for several gloriously unhurried days.

We had four structured sessions along with craft time, meals, long chats on the front porch and around a campfire, as well as casual conversation in between. We even caught a rare appearance of the Northern Lights in the Panhandle of Florida!

We ended the last evening with a candlelit time of remembrance.

Each mom (by her own report) came away encouraged, refreshed and better equipped to do the work grief requires. Laughter and tears in abundance!

Thanks to generous donations it was provided at no cost to those in attendance.

Four more retreats will be offered next year so look for dates to be released soon on the website if you’d like to attend.

A few days after returning home, my husband and I hosted the first in-person support group meeting here in Bibb County, Alabama.

There was a light supper and got to know one another a little over our meal. We talked about our children and some tips for surviving the holidays with a broken heart.

Ten parents attended and several came from quite a distance to be there. All expressed gratitude for a safe space where grief was welcome and hope was shared.

There are no other nearby groups for parent in our area so I look forward to hosting these on the third Thursday of most months.

You’ll be able to find the dates under the “Events” section of the website as well as on Facebook.

In January I will share some thoughts on how our perception of time changes after loss and how turning a calendar page can be difficult.

I continue to be humbled by the many individuals-both bereaved parents and those who love them-who message, give and contribute in some way to the this ministry.

I’m still a little overwhelmed with the administration of details but am learning better how to do those things proficiently and in less time.

Who knew you CAN teach an old dog (or at least an older woman!) new tricks?

  • I figured out how to edit the website and add events with details and the opportunity to RSVP
  • I am publishing some previously published blog posts directly to Heartache and Hope and sharing them on Facebook which helps raise the profile of the ministry.
  • I added a direct link in that blog section to thelifeididntchoose.com so folks can find the more than 3,000 posts archived there.
  • I created a section of downloadable resources that can be accessed and printed from anywhere. Please feel free to download and share these with other bereaved parents or those who love them or minister to them.
  • I ordered business cards for Heartache and Hope with a QR code for donations on the back. I’ll be handing these to folks at conferences, speaking engagements and when I’m out and about.

Some days I spend all day tracking down tips, asking more tech savvy friends or family for help or simply googling how to undo a giant mess I made trying to make something better.

But I’m truly excited to have the time and energy to invest in reaching out in a new way to bereaved parents.

So what can you do to help the ministry continue to grow?

  • PRAY! For wisdom, strength, endurance and obedience to follow the Lord where He leads me. Also pray for every heart seeking solace, that the Lord will bring them to this ministry or one of the many others pointing to the hope found in Jesus Christ.
  • CLICK, CLICK, CLICK! On the website (you don’t even have to read anything) so Google Analytics notices and begins to return it in searches made by bereaved parents.
  • SHARE, SHARE, SHARE! The website, this blog site, the public Facebook page to help get the word out.
  • And, if the Lord leads you to join in this work by giving, you can use this link: https://square.link/u/cNen14Q1

Child loss has been my greatest challenge, my deepest pain and my most profound misery.

But is has also been the very place God has met me with the greatest comfort, the deepest compassion and the most profound revelation of Who He is.

In spite of everything I’ve endured, my hope remains unshaken and unshakeable.

The comfort I have received is now mine to give to others.

I am oh, so grateful for your partnership, prayers and encouragement that is making it possible.

May the Lord richly bless you as you have blessed me.

***If you would like me to share with your online or in-person group in 2025, feel free to message me on Facebook Messenger or drop me an email at Godsgrdnr@gmail.com. I’m working on my calendar now and will accept as many invitations as time, energy and resources allow. ***

Webinar: Remembering Our Children During the Holidays

I barely remember the very first holiday season after Dominic ran ahead to Heaven.

What I DO remember is that it was nearly as hard as the day we laid him to rest.

I had no idea how to carry this heartache into a season of light and laughter. There just didn’t seem to be any room for grief at the table.

Eleven years later and I’m a little better at it.

You can find many posts about Grief and Holidays on this site. Many of you have read them and I pray they help your hearts.

This year, I’m excited to be partnering with a sister ministry, http://ourheartsarehome.org, to offer a webinar on November 7th from 7:30-8:30 PM (EST).

I and several other seasoned bereaved parents will share a bit about how to navigate this difficult time of year AND how to include our children in family gatherings.

It promises to be a time of encouragement and hope.

It is absolutely free and open to anyone. You do need to register though.

If you’d like to participate, use this link to sign up: https://ourheartsarehome.org/remembering-our-children

We ALL Need a Little Affirmation Now and Then. Yes, Your Grief is Normal.

Today, five other bereaved moms will join me for a weekend retreat where we will share our stories, our children, laughter and tears.

Each of us brings something unique to the experience and each of us will walk away with something different to ponder in our hearts.

But one of the things I’ve discovered over and over when bereaved parents get together is this: we ALL still (even after years, decades) need affirmation that what we are feeling, thinking and struggling with is absolutely, positively normal.

❤ Melanie

Do you want to know one of the most repeated questions in grief support groups?  

It is, “Am I normal?”

In the midst of great loss,

in the middle of reconstructing a life that includes a giant hole,

while struggling to place one foot in front of the other,

parents who have buried a child are often worried about whether what they feel and how they act is “normal”.

Grieving a child is a complex and life-long process as I wrote about here: Am I Normal?

Heartache and Hope Ministry Update

Oh, my!

I’ve been overwhelmed and undone by the outpouring of support for my tiny steps into the world of bigger ministry.

So many of you have messaged, commented, texted and donated and it has encouraged my heart.

I’ll be honest, when the Lord first whispered the idea of creating something “official” in my ear, I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it.

It sounded like a lot of work and a lot of commitment and a lot of potential for public failure.

But y’all have shouted a resounding “amen” to the questions, “Should I do this? Is there a need? Can I fill a space no one else is currently filling?”

Thank you.

I think you deserve an update on progress and plans, so here it is.

I’ve been working, working, working to learn the ins and outs of website design, non-profit record keeping and wise administration (along with delegation-not my forte!).

I finally figured out how to share at least some blog posts on the new website.

Don’t worry. I will continue to write here every day as usual but I will publish the most popular and most helpful articles at http://heartacheandhope.org as well.

The first in-person gathering for bereaved parents will be at my little rural church in the underserved community of Bibb County, Alabama on Thursday, October 17th.

There will be a time for sharing our stories, fellowship around a light supper and some brief helps on how to face the holidays after child loss.

These gatherings will be held most months and are open to any bereaved parents who want to attend.

I am hosting a small bereaved moms’ retreat at my family homestead in October as well. The theme is Heartache, Hope and Healing in Jesus-Broken Vessels, Beautiful Message.

My prayer is that the intimate setting, teaching, sharing, prayer and bonding fellowship will raise up other moms ready to share their stories and shed light for other hurting hearts.


We’ll close out the year with a Blue Christmas service honoring our missing children and preparing our hearts to receive the life, love and light that is Emmanuel-God With Us-during the Christmas season and always.

Next year’s calendar is already filling with presentations to various local (but out of town for me) support groups, additional retreats (information to follow),
monthly gatherings, facilitating a book study through Our Hearts are Home and (hopefully) a couple of opportunities to speak to pastors and others in ministry about how to help grieving parents.

You’ll be able to find these on the website calendar.

I’m developing several one or two page handouts for bereaved parent group leaders, pastors, social workers, healthcare workers and funeral homes to help them connect others to resources and ministries that support and encourage grieving parents.

I hope to have the first ones ready by January.

Look for that announcement here, on the website and on Facebook.

So what can you do to help the ministry continue to grow?

  • PRAY! For wisdom, strength, endurance and obedience to follow the Lord where He leads me. Also pray for every heart seeking solace, that the Lord will bring them to this ministry or one of the many others pointing to the hope found in Jesus Christ.
  • CLICK, CLICK, CLICK! On the website (you don’t even have to read anything) so Google Analytics notices and begins to return it in searches made by bereaved parents.
  • SHARE, SHARE, SHARE! The website, this blog site, the public Facebook page to help get the word out.
  • And, if the Lord leads you to join in this work by giving, you can use this link: https://square.link/u/cNen14Q1

Child loss has been my greatest challenge, my deepest pain and my most profound misery.

But is has also been the very place God has met me with the greatest comfort, the deepest compassion and the most profound revelation of Who He is.

In spite of everything I’ve endured, my hope remains unshaken and unshakeable.

The comfort I have received is now mine to give to others.

I am oh, so grateful for your partnership, prayers and encouragement that is making it possible.

May the Lord richly bless you as you have blessed me.

It Slipped Up On Me: More Than Four Million Visits!

I have to be honest.

When I began writing in this space I thought I might reach family and friends I knew face-to-face (IRL for those of you familiar with social media speak).

I NEVER dreamt I’d reach people in other countries, on every continent, from such varied backgrounds.

But I shouldn’t be surprised.

A fuzzy photo of a map of every country in which at least one person logged onto thelifeididntchoose. From the tip of the world to the bottom, east to west, there are bereaved parents everywhere.


Child loss is (sadly) universal.

It doesn’t respect borders or socio-economic boundaries or age or race. It happens everywhere, every day to so, so many people.

What I’ve always tried to do is be honest and vulnerable.

I’ve exposed my heart and my helplessness. I promised myself and my readers I would not hide a thing.

And I haven’t.



I don’t keep close tabs on things like blog statistics because I don’t monetize it. So it crept up on me one day when I happened to glance at the little footnote on the sidebar there were over 4,000,000 folks who had visited the site.

I’m thankful for every one of you.

I’m thankful for the grief groups that choose to print the posts or share them electronically. I’m thankful for the comments and encouragement from other bereaved parents that fuel my continued resolve to show up and share how grief changes over time (and how it doesn’t).

I’m thankful for the friendships that have been forged over distance and time and the encouragement that flies back and forth in the comments.

I’m still learning so I plan to keep on sharing.

I hope you plan to join me.

Grief Work: A Video

In April I was privileged to share on the topic “Grief Work” with bereaved parents at the Our Hearts are Home Conference in Lynchburg, Virginia.

I’ll be honest, while I’m not generally anxious about speaking in public, the weightiness of the topic and the responsibility I felt to “get it right” led to many long hours agonizing over content and a few sleepless nights worrying about delivery.

It was recorded and is available on YouTube but I’ve been reticent to share it because:

  • I hate to see myself on camera even at a settled 60+ years of age (Oh, Vanity! Thy name is Woman!); and
  • it’s pretty long and I was afraid that it would overwhelm parents who, like me, now suffer from shorter attention spans.

But I recently posted it on my Facebook page and there has been positive response so here it is for anyone who would like to view it:

I plan to publish a series of posts based on my notes for this presentation which might be easier for some folks to access and use over the next few days so if you are interested in a deeper dive, look for those.

Our Hearts are Home has a number of videos available on their YouTube channel produced by and for bereaved parents on a variety of pertinent topics so if this one isn’t for you, there may well be another that speaks to your heart.

I’d also encourage you to think about registering for the upcoming October conference. There are in-person and online options available.

You can find out more here: https://ourheartsarehome.org/fall-conference

It’s always my hope and prayer that those hearts who gather here are encouraged and equipped to take the next breath, do the next thing and to cling to hope.

Surviving after my son ran ahead to Heaven is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

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I’m living proof that the God who made us, loves us and longs to come alongside to help us carry this heavy, heavy burden.

I’m here to walk with you, dear heart.

You are not alone.

Stepping Out in Trust: Heartache and Hope

It’s still dark here.

The days are getting perceptibly shorter for those of us tuned in to the turning of the earth and the passing of the seasons.

But the light is coming. It always does.

And that is what I have clung to in these more-than-ten years since Dominic ran ahead to Heaven. That’s what compels me to write.

I want every hurting heart to know that the night doesn’t last forever.

It’s also why today I have something exciting (and scary, if I’m honest!) to tell you: I’ve created an official ministry for the work I do here and on Facebook through Heartache and Hope (https://www.facebook.com/heartacheandhope/).

The Lord planted a vision in my heart awhile ago to expand into new territory.

I am a quiet person who longs only to stay (mostly) in my home and surrounding area. I once loved traveling but now only really enjoy it in the company of family to low-key destinations that afford plenty of space and natural beauty.

But I am stepping out into uncomfortable places and trusting my Shepherd King to provide the means and direction to journey on.

I’m not one to appropriate Old Testament verses to justify current choices but I do absolutely believe that He nudges us to spread out and to reach further than we might choose to do in our flesh.

So, like Jabez, I pray:

Oh that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory! Let Your hand be with me, and keep me from the evil one.”

And God granted his request.

I Chronicles 4: 9, 10

The ministry is called “Heartache and Hope” and is a federally recognized 501(c)3 non profit so donations are fully tax deductible to the extent allowed by law.

This is my hope and heart for this new endeavor:

  • I am committing to monthly local bereaved parent gatherings (check out my personal Facebook page for details if you live close);
  • to make myself available to share with and speak to others if invited to do so;
  • to speak to and gather with pastors and others (such as healthcare providers and social workers) who are positioned to come alongside grievers in critical moments;
  • to provide printed resources to bereaved parents;
  • to host small retreats to encourage and refresh bereaved parents; and
  • to be a voice for grief education in the larger community.

If you host a local group and are interested in my coming to share with you in person, please feel free to DM me. I can’t promise to accept every invitation, but I am going to accept as many as I can.

Along with the blog, public page and private bereaved parents’ group, I am working on a website with resources, links to other excellent ministries and graphics for sharing. There will also be a way to donate and to contact the ministry online. (Look for that in the next week or so!)

Until then, I am including a QR code at the end of this post and will also share it on my personal and public Facebook pages if you feel led to join me in this endeavor.

I won’t be making appeals or sending emails or selling products because I trust that what the Lord births in a heart, He brings to fruition. Other than periodic updates on where He is leading and how He is providing, nothing will change in this space.

I am, and will always be, devoted to sharing honestly about my journey and encouraging other hearts along the way.

*If you would like to donate, you may scan this QR code or click on the following link:https://square.link/u/cNen14Q1

Bereaved Parents Month 2024: Broken Legs, Broken Hearts, Broken Lives

Sometimes I’m envious of folks hobbling along in those plastic boots designed to support an injured leg or ankle and aid healing.

Not because of the injury–I’m thankful I’ve never broken a bone-but because it’s an outward warning to anyone who might otherwise be impatient or insensitive that they just can’t go any faster.

I think there ought to be a t-shirt, pin or banner that gives the same kind of warning for those of us walking around with broken hearts and broken lives.

But there isn’t.

Read the rest here: Broken Legs, Broken Hearts, Broken Lives

Grief Journey: Why is the Second Year SO Hard

It’s not true for everyone but it is true for enough of us. The second year after child loss can be especially hard.

Numbness and the rhythm of all the “firsts” in the twelve months following Dominic’s death kept me both anticipating the shock and protecting me from its full impact.

The second year was when it dawned on me that I was doomed to repeat this cycle as long as I lived.

I was absolutely overwhelmed.❤ Melanie

I remember very well the morning I woke on April 12, 2015-it was one year since I’d gotten the awful news; one year since the life I thought I was going to have turned into the life I didn’t choose.

I was horrified that my heart had continued to beat for 365 days when I was sure it wouldn’t make it through the first 24 hours. 

And I was terrified.

Read the rest here:  Why is the Second Year SO Hard?

Father’s Day 2024: A Bereaved Dad’s Perspective on Grief

I belong to a number of closed online bereaved parent groups.  

I’m not sure if it is a function of gender or not, but the moms seem to be a bit more willing to share their feelings and to respond to the feelings of others.  

Every now and then, a dad speaks up. When he does, I usually pay close attention to this male perspective.

Read the rest here: What I’ve Learned About Grief: A Bereaved Dad’s Perspective