Category: support

A Little Update

I’m no good at what feels like self promotion in an age of influencers and social media personalities chasing after likes and shares. I subscribe to the George Mueller philosophy of ministry which is to take your needs and heart’s desires directly to the Lord.

But I also know that if people aren’t aware of what the Lord may be doing in a particular area, they may be unaware of how to participate in that work.

So in the hopes of giving folks that opportunity, I wanted to share a bit about what’s been going on lately with Heartache and Hope (the ministry) and with the blog.

Soon it will be ten years since I began writing here.

Since that time, The Life I Didn’t Choose has been viewed over 4,250,000 times. There are more than 3,500 entries and some posts have been shared in the tens of thousands. According to WordPress it has been accessed in every country around the world except North Korea. There is no way to calculate the number of individuals and families impacted reflected by those statistics.

I founded heartacheandhope.org in September, 2024 to expand the ministry begun through the blog and to reach out in different and varied ways to bereaved parents, their families and those that love them.

Since then, we’ve hosted four in-person support group meetings including a special “Blue Christmas” memorial service in December.

I’ve hosted and facilitated two bereaved moms’ retreats (three more scheduled for this year) and traveled to Chattanooga to share with a group there.

Through those contacts and events over forty families have been encouraged to hold onto Hope and wait well, leaning into the promises of Jesus that their pain will be redeemed.



We will continue to host the monthly meetings and hope to add a monthly virtual meeting beginning in March. I will travel to Virginia to share at the Our Hearts are Home Spring Conference in April.

I’d LOVE the opportunity to meet with pastors, chaplains, social workers and those who tend to be with families at the point of hearing “the news”. I am available and willing to meet with others-just message me.

I’ve developed downloadable, printable resources that are available free on the website.

I host a private Facebook group for bereaved parents (https://www.facebook.com/groups/947404501987955 ) and a public Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/heartacheandhope) accessible to anyone offering helpful insights into walking this broken road and to walking beside those who must travel it.

I know everyone reading this is not a bereaved parent but I promise you KNOW a bereaved parent (even if you think you don’t). I also know that both the blog and the ministry have been helpful to other hearts who are living with intractable unsolvable-this-side-of-eternity pain.

I am so, so thankful to every single person who has prayed for me in the more than ten years since Dominic ran ahead to Heaven. Coming up on another anniversary is hard no matter how long it’s been.

I cannot say enough about those who have chosen to walk beside me and who have encouraged me to share my story in hopes of encouraging others. I couldn’t do it without you!

I appreciate the many tangible donations (monetary, time, materials) that have been made to facilitate this work.


You are making an eternal difference, friends!

Lighting a candle is never in vain.

And lighting the way to Hope always bears fruit.

If you want to know more about the ministry you can find that here:

http://heartacheandhope.org

If you want to subscribe to the blog you can do so here:

thelifeididntchoose.com

If you feel led to join me in this ministry to the brokenhearted, here’s the link:

http://square.link/u/cNen14Q1

If you have any questions or just want to chat, feel free to DM me on Facebook.

Some Step Up. Some Step Away.

I was absolutely overwhelmed in those first days.

Cars, cars, cars filled my long driveway and front yard.

People spilling out like ants scrambling after the hill is disturbed.

Oh, our hill was disturbed-knocked wide open by that deputy’s visit.

Read the rest here:Who Steps In? Who Walks Out?

We Pray You Never Know

I participate in a number of online support groups for bereaved parents.

And one topic that makes the rounds at least once a week-often once a day-is how those outside our experience cannot truly understand our experience.

Because it’s true-you THINK you can imagine the pain of child loss if you have children, but even the most vivid imagination can’t conjure the utter blackness that waits on the other side of hearing, “Your son is dead.”

There’s a great divide between me and those who have not experienced child loss.

But it’s one I hope they never have to cross.

Because it’s a mercy to not know.

If all of us could fathom the pain of losing a child, no one would bear children–the risk would be too great.

So while the gap can be a source of misunderstanding and isolation for ME, it is a safeguard for YOU.

And I am grateful for it.  ❤

pain-behind-every-tear

Our Hearts are Home Spring Conference: Won’t You Join Me?

It took me a long time before I wanted to gather in a room with other bereaved parents. 

My son’s death had undone me and I had no capacity for other people’s raw grief where I might not have an escape.

I wish I hadn’t been so reluctant and waited so long because what I found when I finally walked into the in-person community of other moms and dads who shared my loss, it was life giving, uplifting and utterly amazing. 

So I want to extend an invitation to fellow broken hearts who hope for hope: 

WHO? Bereaved parent & grandparents, and anyone who wants to better know how to comfort a grieving friend

WHAT? Our Hearts Are Home Spring Conference

WHEN? April 25-26, 2025

WHERE? Online or In Person

(If you can’t come on those days, you’ll receive all of the session recordings that remain available for two weeks following the conference.)

Read the session details and register at: https://ourheartsarehome.org/spring-conference

I’ll be sharing in a main sessions and participating in breakout sessions. AND there will be many opportunities to chat informally around meals and other unstructured times.

This is NOT your typical “Christian Conference” where what’s shared is memorized and rehashed in city after city. This is a unique opportunity to interact with parents who are walking the same broken road as you and are willing to reveal the ups and downs, ins and outs of navigating child loss. (My husband will be there too, bereaved dads!)

The cost is minimal although I know travel expenses may make attending in person out of the question for some of y’all. (Online option available!)

I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to meet (in the flesh!) anyone who has joined me here online. 

You have no idea how often your words of encouragement have helped me hold onto hope. 

So if you can, join us. 

You may be nervous up to the very minute you show up or log on but I PROMISE you will not regret it. 

See you there!

Practical Ways to Love a Mourning Heart at Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is Thursday and I know many are making final plans and preparations to gather family and friends around the table.

In the rush toward celebration, please don’t forget those in your circle who have suffered loss.

The first Thanksgiving without your child is excruciating.

Even the second or third Thanksgiving with an empty chair is unbelievably hard.

Here are some helpful ideas to get you started. 

❤ Melanie

We are all on a journey through life and each carry some sort of load.  Mine is child loss.  Yours may be something else.

We can help one another if we try.  

Love and grace grease the wheels and make the load lighter.  

Here are ten ways to love a mourning heart at Thanksgiving:

Read the rest here: Ten Ways to Love a Mourning Heart at Thanksgiving

Here are Some Ways to Create Space For Grief During the Holidays

We are days away from plunging headfirst into the rough and tumble holiday season.  

Thanksgiving is coming fast and I don’t know about you, but it seems that once I eat the turkey and dressing, the clock moves faster and the days crowd one another in a race to Christmas and the end of the year.

So I want to take a minute to think about how important it is to make and maintain space for grief during this busy season.

Read the rest here: The Importance of Making Space for Grief During Holidays

Calling Courage: A Lesson From Geese

Every autumn I hear the geese overhead and I think about how all that honking serves only a single purpose:  to remind the stragglers they are headed in the right direction.  

It speaks courage to my own heart as I remember that not only does the leader call out to those behind, but that each bird takes a turn at the head of the line so that the others can rest a bit.  

What  beautiful picture of how life SHOULD be.  

Read the rest here:  Of Flying Geese and Calling Courage!

I Depend on Flickers of Light to Guide My Heart Home

A fellow bereaved mom commented on my recent holiday post with this question: How do you make joy, when your heart has no joy?

It was a good and honest query. One that stopped me in my tracks.

Read the rest here: Flickers Of Light, Guiding My Heart Home

What a Sacred Privilege to Share a Burden!

When someone invites you in and serves up her deepest pain along with the coffee it might feel like a trap or a burden or a bother.

But it’s actually an act of great respect and trust.

Read the rest here: A Sacred Privilege

Broken Into Beautiful: Inviting Hope to Heal Our Hearts

I mentioned yesterday that I’d be spending the weekend at a retreat with other bereaved moms.

I chose the theme, “Broken into Beautiful, because I believe with my whole heart there is no yin/yang dual universe where darkness has power enough to overcome the light. Sin mars creation and wreaks havoc but even all that awful is being woven together into a tapestry of beauty and usefulness that one day will display the glory of God and His love for us.

I also believe that one must make a choice to invite God to transform pain into purpose through His comfort, hope, strength and grace.

So we are settling in this morning with our coffee, Bibles, journals and sweet, sweet time to read about, talk about and digest the promises of God in Christ that can lead us faithfully through the Valley of the Shadow of Death.

We will be exploring prayer-choosing to engage even when we don’t have anything to say and don’t want to listen; perspective-learning to trust truth over feelings; perseverance-doing the next right thing no matter how long the journey; and purpose-sharing our stories for the good of others and to the glory of God.

We will chat over meals and craft times (even for the non-crafty!).

We’ve got a jig saw puzzle going.

We will enjoy afternoon walks on dirt roads, evening campfires and plenty of time to pray with one another in quiet corners.

Every time I gather with moms in these intimate settings, I’m amazed by how the Spirit moves and hearts receive some measure of healing.

I can’t wait to see what He does in us this weekend.