I have no idea why God’s plan includes me outliving my child but He has a purpose that is yet unfulfilled for my life.
What happens TO us doesn’t determine our worth-not even the awful and heart shattering experience of child loss.
You are loved by a Heavenly Father Who has a plan for your life.
He can bring beauty from ashes, even the ashes of child loss.
You are not alone-you have a community of bereaved parents who will listen, love and lift you.
Read the rest here: You are a Treasure
When I was a little girl my family made a yearly pilgrimage to the white sand and clear water beaches in Florida.
We were allowed to wade out on our own as high as our waist while the adults talked and sunbathed on shore. If we wanted to go deeper, even for those of us who were good swimmers, we had to wait for the grown ups to join us.
I have a vivid memory of one sunny day when the waves were rolling in and my six-foot-tall dad was standing neck deep in the Gulf. I was a little closer to shore and decided to join him.
My young mind didn’t do the math between my short self and his taller one and stepped off an underwater ledge into water way over my head. I panicked when I realized there was no way for me to save myself.
In a flash, Papa’s strong arms scooped me up and held me close.
As quickly as fear set in, it vanished because I knew he wouldn’t let me go until I could safely set my own feet down in shallower water.
My daddy wasn’t about to let anything happen to me.
I think about that summer moment nearly every time I read today’s verses.
8 But thou, Israel, art my servant, Jacob whom I have chosen, the seed of Abraham my friend.
9 Thou whom I have taken from the ends of the earth, and called thee from the chief men thereof, and said unto thee, Thou art my servant; I have chosen thee, and not cast thee away.
10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.Isaiah 41: 8-10 KJV
God assures Israel (the nation) that He chose them. He cherishes them. He has called them and He will never forget nor forsake them.
It’s a beautiful thing to know that just like Israel, those of us who have been grafted in by the blood of Christ are also heirs together of these promises. (Ephesians 3:6; Romans 11:17)
If you have received the gift of eternal life through Jesus, you can be absolutely assured that God is your Father . He chose you in Christ before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:4). He will always take care of you.
Fear is a reasonable response to a situation outside our control.
It wasn’t silly for me to be afraid when my head went underwater and I despaired of saving myself.
When God tells me in His Word to “fear not!” it isn’t a rebuke. It’s encouragement.
God is my Father, He loves me so He says, “Don’t be afraid, don’t be dismayed”.
Why? Because He is with me.
As soon as my dad’s arms reached around me, fear fled. I was safe.
And if my earthly father’s strength and love was enough to allay my fears, how much more should my fears flee in the face of the strength, love and power of my Heavenly Father?
There are so many times I am afraid in this life.
So many times when things are out of control and beyond my comprehension. So many ways life goes wrong and I feel like they will never be made right.
But when I stop and point my heart in the direction of these promises, I can hold onto hope in spite of my fear.
Because my daddy has his arms around me.
QUESTIONS:
PRAYER:
Father God,
Sometimes I am afraid. I’m afraid not only of my circumstances but that You don’t see me, hear me and (worst of all!) might not even care what happens to me if You did.
When my feelings overwhelm my heart, help me remember truth. Help me trust that You are faithful. Give me the assurance that Your heart toward me is always love and your plans and purposes are always good.
Amen
Today, before I sat down to write this post, I was out running errands and made a decision due to traffic to go through a parking lot I’ve avoided because of strong memories associated with Dominic.
I was suddenly overwhelmed by grief even after ten years on this journey.
The tightness in my chest, tears in my eyes, empty sickness in the pit of my stomach washed over me anew.
Time, by itself, absolutely does not heal a thing in child loss. It only enables me to develop skills for sublimating the horror enough to walk around among the spared.
But one thing IS better now than way back then: I’m quicker to lean into the strength and grace available to me through Christ Jesus. I’m not as resistant to the idea that my weakness is no impediment to God’s work in and through me.
I’ve stopped asking for relief and now ask for grace to bear up under the pain.
Today’s verses are taken from Paul’s pleading with God to take away what many believe to be a physical ailment-perhaps pain or weakness in his eyes-and God’s refusal to grant miraculous healing.
Three times I begged the Lord for it to leave me, but his reply has been, “My grace is enough for you: for where there is weakness, my power is shown the more completely.” Therefore, I have cheerfully made up my mind to be proud of my weaknesses, because they mean a deeper experience of the power of Christ. I can even enjoy weaknesses, suffering, privations, persecutions and difficulties for Christ’s sake. For my very weakness makes me strong in him.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
I can imagine Paul’s conversations with the Lord.
“You know I’m really on fire for You, Lord. Don’t you think I’d be in a better position to minister if You would take this pain away? It’s distracting and, well, painful! If You will heal me, I can focus on the work You’ve sent me to do. “
~ Paul
I know it’s dangerous to put words in God’s mouth but I imagine (based on Paul’s own account) that God answered something like this: “Paul, you don’t understand that part of the ministry I have for you is a demonstration that My strength is what sustains you. I don’t want there to be any doubt about where the power comes from. I’m not going to heal you but I will give you enough grace to bear up under this pain.”
I don’t think Paul really thought that was great idea-at least not at first. But as he continued to walk with the Lord and experience that sufficient grace, he saw God was absolutely right (no kidding!).
I can attest to this in my own life.
Before Dominic ran ahead to Heaven I was afflicted with a number of health problems that forced me to admit I was not capable of meeting every obligation to and certainly not every expectation of those around me.
I didn’t like it one single bit.
As a self-proclaimed overachiever it hurt my pride to ask for help. But God’s grace eventually worked it’s way into my heart and I learned that physical weakness was truly an opportunity to proclaim God’s provision and sufficiency.
When Dom left us, I was struck down in a whole new way.
But the grace I had learned to rely on for the strength needed to endure physical pain proved more than sufficient for even this awful heartache.
It is still enough.
God’s strength IS perfected in my weakness.
Not that my weakness makes God perfect. Instead it is my weakness that makes God’s strength undeniably and unmistakably obvious.
When I choose to reveal my brokenness, unveil my weakness and testify to God’s sustaining and enabling grace, I proclaim His sovereignty, His sufficiency and His love.
QUESTIONS:
PRAYER:
Lord, my pride makes me loathe to admit my weaknesses and to reveal my brokenness. I would rather people think I’m strong and unbreakable. But that’s just not true.
Help me embrace my own limitations and turn to You for your limitless grace and mercy. Help me quickly acknowledge that it is Your Spirit that breathes life into my heart and soul and strengthens me to carry on.
Strip me of false pride and bravado that might conceal how very much I rely on You. Make my life an open declaration of Your sufficient grace.
Amen.
You think, dear heart, that you are forgotten because of your nothingness and weakness and poverty. This is the very reason you are remembered.Spurgeon
Today’s verses are ones often read at funerals and memorial services to remind those left behind that for believers in Christ, death does not have the last word.
What a comfort!
But it’s also a reminder that the world as it is right now, is NOT the world God intended. He made everything perfect and perfectly alive.
Sin brought death.
Death brought heartache.
And for those of us who have too soon been separated from the child of our heart, we know how very much a heart can ache.
I absolutely rest on God’s promise that there will be a Day when everything is redeemed and restored. Christ’s resurrection is proof that His sacrifice is sufficient.
But even Jesus does not yet (in time) possess the full reward for that sacrifice.
So it’s no wonder we often struggle walking in the here and now while waiting patiently for the perfect hereafter.
We are not the first to wonder just how long we might have to wait! Paul was writing to comfort the church at Corinth. He reminded them of truth. He encouraged them to take hold of it and hide it in their hearts as ammunition against the lies of the enemy of our souls.
Stay close because I am going to tell you a mystery—something you may have trouble understanding: we will not all fall asleep in death, but we will all be transformed. 52 It will all happen so fast, in a blink, a mere flutter of the eye. The last trumpet will call, and the dead will be raised from their graves with a body that does not, cannot decay. All of us will be changed! 53 We’ll step out of our mortal clothes and slide into immortal bodies, replacing everything that is subject to death with eternal life. 54 And, when we are all redressed with bodies that do not, cannot decay, when we put immortality over our mortal frames, then it will be as Scripture says:
Life everlasting has victoriously swallowed death.[a]
55 Hey, Death! What happened to your big win?
Hey, Death! What happened to your sting?[b
56 Sin came into this world, and death’s sting followed. Then sin took aim at the law and gained power over those who follow the law. 57 Thank God, then, for our Lord Jesus, the Anointed, the Liberating King, who brought us victory over the grave.
I Corinthians 15: 51-59 VOICE
Look at that first verse, “I’m going to tell you a mystery…”
Paul reminds the Corinthians (and us!) that what he’s about to say doesn’t necessarily “make sense” in the way a math equation does. In order to lean into the truth to follow, I have to become comfortable with the space between what I can see, taste, touch and feel and what may very well be true but not accessible by my limited physical senses.
That can be hard and uncomfortable.
So often I want tangible proof.
But that’s not how God works.
He asks me to step out in faith and trust His heart even when I can’t trace His hand.
The good news is that the world is not being tossed about in a battle between equals.
There’s no doubt that the final victory belongs to Jesus, the Author and Perfector of my faith.
So how can I arm my spirit against the wiles of the evil one? By studying the Word, hiding it in my heart and choosing-as an act of willful obedience-to believe.
Questions to ponder:
Prayer:
It’s not always easy to choose life, Lord
Because then we have to struggle with who we are
and why we are, and who you are,
And what to do with who we are,
and why we are, and who you are.
We have to let you make us new,
and being made anything always hurts.
Father,
Let the morning come in our hearts,
So morning can come in our lives,
And the world that needs a word of hope can hear
‘Death has lost, and life has won.’Verdell Davis, Riches Stored in Secret Places
Please join the conversation as we encourage one another, discuss Scripture and ask questions.
Just remember that THE BLOG site is PUBLIC. My own Facebook page post is set to PUBLIC. So any comments you post there will be visible to ANYONE.
All of the closed groups for bereaved parents are PRIVATE.
Only members can see your comments there.
I don’t want anyone to accidentally post something publicly they would rather remain private. ❤
I have to talk to myself all the time.
Literally.
There are some mornings I open my eyes and would do just about anything to be able to stay in bed, hide under the covers and wish the day away.
But I can’t.
So I recite truth until my heart can hear it. I speak courage to my own spirit.
If you are feeling weak and weary today, may I share a few of my favorites?
Read the rest here: Something to Hold On To When You Feel Like Letting Go
I didn’t grow up doing in-depth Bible studies so when I “discovered” the Bible in my early twenties, it was an exciting adventure to dig for treasure in the Word of God.
Along with Scripture itself, I devoured book after book on theology.
I could not get enough.
By my mid-thirties I had developed a fairly well-defined and defensible doctrine. I really thought I understood how God works in the world.
Then my son died.
Read the rest here: On My Worst Days, Mustard Seed Faith is Enough
I’m really thankful that more and more Christians are willing to shed false positivity and embrace lament.
Because the truth is lots of stories this side of eternity end in tragedy or at least unmet expectations and sorrow instead of glorious, victorious sunshine and roses.
Crops and marriages fail. Dreams come and go.
We hope for healing but don’t receive it.
Loved ones die.
Let’s just be honest about it-about ALL of it.
❤ Melanie
In the wake of burying Dominic, the most difficult spiritual discipline for me to recover has been prayer.
In part because my heart just doesn’t know what to ask for or how to talk to a God Who has allowed this pain in my life.
In part because I don’t really have a framework for placing the prayers I want to pray inside my ongoing struggle to commit my future and the future of my family to the hands of a Father Who didn’t step in to prevent Dominic’s death.
I still struggle with this.
Read the rest of this post here: The Problem of [Un]Answered Prayer
If there is anywhere on earth a lover of God who is always kept safe, I know nothing of it, for it was not shown to me. But this was shown: that in falling and rising again we are always kept in that same precious love.
~Julian of Norwich
Truth is this life is not easy.
There is joy.
Absolutely amazing awe-inspiring, breath-taking joy.
But there is also suffering.
Utterly devastating, heart-breaking suffering.
Read the rest here: On Suffering and Redemption
I try to share this post a couple of times each year because it discusses a question many bereaved parents desperately want to answer: Did God take my child?
These are my thoughts-ones I believe are backed by Scripture and align with what I know personally about God’s character.
They are the result of many months of wrestling. I offer them in hopes they will help another heart.
❤ Melanie
This is a question that comes up all the time in bereaved parents’ groups: Did God take my child?
Trust me, I’ve asked it myself.
How you answer this question can mean the difference between giving up or going on, between turning away or trusting.
So this is MY answer. The one I’ve worked out through study, prayer and many, many tears. You may disagree. That’s just fine. I only offer it because it might be helpful to some struggling and sorrowful soul.
Read the rest here: Did God Take My Child?
In the waiting, in the searching
In the healing and the hurting
Like a blessing buried in the broken pieces
Every minute, every moment
Where I’ve been and where I’m going
Even when I didn’t know it or couldn’t see it
There was Jesus
~Jonathan Smith/Casey Beathard/Zach Williams, “There Was Jesus”
Songs reach places in my heart that words alone can never touch.
Read the rest here: Every Minute, Every Moment There Was Jesus
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