Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty together again.
~children’s rhyme
Shattered beyond repair-that certainly describes my broken heart in the first days, weeks and months after Dominic’s leaving.
I felt like Humpty Dumpty.
The pieces were too small to find, much less glue back together in anything resembling wholeness.
And the essence of the “old me”-the person that existed before loss-was spilled onto the ground, leaking strength and life and joy into the dry earth.
Humpty Dumpty had no hope-the king’s men and horses were powerless to breathe life into the lifeless bits and pieces that were left.
But I don’t have to depend on the king’s men or the king’s horses.
I have access to the King Himself.
I am not separated by a veil from the Mercy Seat.
I can come boldly before the Throne of Grace and pile my broken life on the Altar of Hope.
Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let’s not let it slip through our fingers. We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.
Hebrews 4:16 MSG
The One Who made me can remake me.
He IS remaking me.
I have no illusions that the cracks won’t show.
But I am trusting that my new fragility will make me both more grace-filled and more grace dependent.
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thelifeididntchoose 
Did you ever feel distant from God? Indifferent? Numb? After your son died?
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Yes. Distant in the sense that I couldn’t “feel” Him near. In my mind I knew He was no further away than ever-which is to say as close as my breath-but I couldn’t feel it in my heart. So I kept speaking truth to my heart until it could hear it. I still don’t get the goosebumps I used to get when I sing praise songs or read the Bible. But I’ve got a solid, settled confirmation that God is God and He is still in control. It doesn’t take away the pain but I have Someone to take it to. I pray that the Lord makes His Presence very real to you and that He overwhelms you with His grace, love and mercy.
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Well said, thank you! I wish I could put my thoughts into words. I’ve tried, but my mind and heart won’t get on the same page, so the words remain buried deep inside. That’s why I love reading your blogs because so much of what you share, is how I feel.
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I like this approach, thank you.
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