A tender broken heart can make all kinds of excuses for less-than-gracious behavior or words.
I know that often we grievers bear the brunt of others’ well-meaning but misplaced and sometimes downright painful advice, remarks, looks and gossip and that makes it easy to rationalize returning like for like.
But I’m not responsible for THEM, I’m responsible for ME.
❤ Melanie
Oh, how I need to learn to practice the pause!
I’m getting better, but still react when I should reflect.
I need to do thisEVERYtime.
Lord, help my stubborn heart slow down and give me grace to yield and allow You to melt it, mold it and make it more like Your own!
It took me a little while to realize that if I was going to survive this lifelong journey I had to make some changes in how and when I responded to requests to do something, be somewhere or participate in outside events.
Because no matter how worthy the request, there was only so much of me to go around and I was forced to spend nearly all my energy and time and effort on figuring out how this great wound was impacting me and my family.
I cannot overemphasize how much strength and energy is needed to do the work grief requires.
If I had my way I’d store up grace like green beans-stacking one can atop the other “just in case”.
Then I could decide if and when to open it up and pour it out.
But grace isn’t like that. It’s a perishable though infinite commodity-like manna.
When God led the Israelites into the desert, He promised to feed, nurture and sustain them.
Daily bread rained down from Heaven every morning-enough and more than enough-for their needs. But He warned them not to gather more than they could useTHATday.
He promised there would be another bountiful plenty the next morning.
Faced with the choice to trust God or trust themselves, some tried to hoard this gift and guarantee (so they thought!) tomorrow’s bounty. It turned to maggoty mush by the next morning.
God was making a point.
He wanted His people to know that He was the Source of their provision. He wanted His people to learn that His faithful love endures forever and shows up every morning.
Many of us grew up reciting this blessing without understanding the deep truth hidden inside:
God is great,
God is good,
Let us thank Him for our food.
By His hand we all are fed,
Thank You, Lord, for daily bread.Children’s Blessing
Few of us live on daily bread anymore.
Most have pantries and refrigerators and freezers full of food. It’s hard to hearken back to a time when the penny you earned for working a field was the penny you used to purchase that day’s meal.
So, in some ways, the idea of having only enough and no more is both foreign and frightening.
But my Father wants me to trust Him, to lean on Him, to wake looking for His face and reaching for His provision.
Like manna in the desert, if I try to gather more grace than I need it rots before I can use it.
God greets me each morning with the grace I need for that day-no more, no less. It is always enough for the work I must do and the challenges I must face.
He nurtures and sustains me.
His daily grace is sufficient.
I can rest in His bountiful provision without fear for tomorrow because His faithful love endures forever.
Sometimes I have to remind myself that the One Who holds me in His hand IS“All That” and MORE.
He is more than I can imagine,
more than I need,
His resources are limitless
and His grace sufficient for every day
and all eternity.
HE IS-
The Way and the Way maker:
“Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”
~Isaiah 43:19 KJV
The Truth and the Truth Speaker:
“When swearing an oath to confirm what they are saying, humans swear by someone greater than themselves and so bring their arguments to an end. 17 In the same way, when God wanted to confirm His promise as true and unchangeable, He swore an oath to the heirs of that promise. 18 So God has given us two unchanging things: His promise and His oath. These prove that it is impossible for God to lie. As a result, we who come to God for refuge might be encouraged to seize that hope that is set before us. 19 That hope is real and true, an anchor to steady our restless souls, a hope that leads us back behind the curtain to where God is (as the high priests did in the days when reconciliation flowed from sacrifices in the temple)20 and back into the place where Jesus, who went ahead on our behalf, has entered since He has become a High Priest forever in the order of Melchizedek.”
~Hebrews 6:16-20 VOICE
The Life and the Life Giver:
“The Word gave life to everything that was created, and his life brought light to everyone.”
~John 1:4 NLT
The Promise and the Promise Keeper:
“Whatever God has promised gets stamped with the Yes of Jesus. In him, this is what we preach and pray, the great Amen, God’s Yes and our Yes together, gloriously evident. God affirms us, making us a sure thing in Christ, putting his Yes within us. By his Spirit he has stamped us with his eternal pledge—a sure beginning of what he is destined to complete.”
~2 Corinthians 1:19-21 MSG
I cannot see the end of this journey but He is already there.
It looks black as night to me and I am fumbling around in the dark, but there is no darkness in Him at all.
My flesh and my heart will fail, but His never will.
Chole identifies several groups that were in proximity to Jesus as He was dying on the cross.
Perhaps two people were silenced by grief or gently sobbing.
The others were taunting Him, mocking Him and reveling in His [apparent] inability to save Himself or be rescued by the Father He claimed close connection to.
They had no idea that His death was a last act of willing submission and laying aside of His power, position and possible retribution against those who had put Him there.
I’ll just be completely honest here-there are some sins I don’t have much trouble avoiding. I’m not tempted to shoplift or physically harm others.
However, like all of us I have some pet sins I not only don’t avoid but I actually feed from time to time.
And like most folks, I justify my sin as “small” compared to the “big” sins of headline worthy wars or crimes or dastardly actions by those in power over those beneath them.
Time, by itself, does not heal the pain of child loss.
But time, plus the work grief requires, plus God’s grace poured out on my heart and in my life,does bring a measure of healing.
I did not believe that in the first months or even years. But I can testify to that truth today. It has been a slow and very painful process full of stops and starts, one step forward, two steps back.
Am I still very broken?
Absolutely!
Am I still limping?
YES!
Until the day I die I will never be the same.
But I have grown stronger and better able to carry this load of sorrow and God is helping me turn the ashes into something beautiful.
That something bears witness to my son, to my pain and to the truth that, with God’s help, I can endure faithfully to the end.
And God is no respecter of persons-He has not given me anything He will not pour out on every single heart that asks.
My prayer for each wounded reader is that you will feel the Father’s loving arms around you and that He will flood your broken heart with His grace, mercy and comfort.
What I think misery longs for is compassionate companionship.
I think broken hearts need to know they are not alone, that they are not an aberration and that deep sorrow is an appropriate response to profound loss.
What I think folks sitting in darkness need is someone to light a candle and remind them that the night won’t last forever.
That’s why I founded Heartache and Hope, the ministry.
If you visit the website, you’ll see one of my very favorite quotes:
People who have come to know the joy of God do not deny the darkness, but they choose not to live in it. They claim that the light that shines in the darkness can be trusted more than the darkness itself and that a little bit of light can dispel a lot of darkness. They point each other to flashes of light here and there, and remind each other that they reveal the hidden but real presence of God.
― Henri J.M. Nouwen, quote from The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming
And that is why I am offering four retreats for bereaved moms in 2025.
These are small, intimate gatherings of six to eight moms at my family’s property in the panhandle of Florida offered free of charge to those who come.
Bereaved moms can join me in a quiet, rural setting for a weekend of rest, renewal and restoration through fellowship, study of God’s Word and unfettered sharing of our hearts, our stories and our children.
The theme is “Broken Into Beautiful: Inviting Hope to Heal Our Hearts”.
I’ve had a decade to think about and design the kind of gathering I would have benefited from early on in this journey. We begin on Thursday evening (instead of the traditional Friday evening) to give us additional space and time to get to know one another, to develop relationship and to grow toward trust which promotes profound and breakthrough sharing which leads to healing growth. I have no illusions.
One weekend is not going to put the pieces back together but one weekend can provide the inspiration and confidence that the pieces can be put back together.
We will never be unblemished or unbroken but we can be beautiful again.
Our stories are part of THE story-the story that God is writing not only for us but for all eternity.
Jesus is our Shepherd King who longs to bind up our wounds.
Mercy and goodness don’t just follow us-they chase us down, overtake us and weave the broken bits into a beautiful testimony of love and faithfulness-if we let them.
Are you ready to bring your heart to the table of grace where hope can begin to heal it?
Then join me for one of these retreats.
I’m praying already for the moms God will invite and for the work Holy Spirit will do.
Be brave.
Available dates are: February 6-9, 2025; May 1-4, 2025; August 7-10, 2025; October 9-12, 2025.
If you woke this morning feeling more broken than blessed, I see you.
If you could care less about the bounty on the table and can only feel the barrenness in your heart, I know how you feel.
Today doesn’t have to be any special way, my friend. Give yourself grace. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel and do what you do and not do what you can’t do.
❤ Melanie
THANKSGIVING PRAYER FOR HURTING HEARTS
Father God,
We live in a world that isn’t always (or even often) what we hope for, pray for and long for.
But here we are.
Two hands open and waiting for the blessing You have promised in our brokenness.
I am oh, so thankful for the many ways You have blessed me, continue to bless me and uphold me with Your righteous right arm. I know, know, know that if You were not walking with me in this Valley, I would have given up and given in long ago.
I am not ungrateful. I am blessed.
But I am also broken.
My heart longs desperately for what it cannot have. I am forced to walk forward but I want to turn back time. I’m grateful for every face around my table but always thinking about the one that will never sit there again.
I miss those I love who have run ahead to joyous celebration in Heaven. I long for just a taste of divine joy as I wait my turn to join them.
Thanksgiving big and loud just isn’t in my playlist anymore. Quiet gratitude that makes space for sorrowful reflection is more my style.
Make me truly thankful for the promise that no matter how often circumstances change or how dreadful those changes may be, You are the same-yesterday, today and forever!
Your steadfast love holds us fast. I rest in that truth.
Help me hold onto hope. Help me hold onto every good and perfect gift You still give me as I wait. Grease the wheels of every relationship with grace.
Greet me this morning with new mercies and fresh strength.
Give me the strength to endure, the grace to participate, the breath to speak love and the confidence that you see every tear I shed when no one is looking.
thelifeididntchoose 