retreat – thelifeididntchoose

Heartache and Hope: Retreats for Moms 2025

There’s an old adage: Misery loves company.

I’m not sure that’s really true.

What I think misery longs for is compassionate companionship.

I think broken hearts need to know they are not alone, that they are not an aberration and that deep sorrow is an appropriate response to profound loss.

What I think folks sitting in darkness need is someone to light a candle and remind them that the night won’t last forever.

That’s why I founded Heartache and Hope, the ministry.

If you visit the website, you’ll see one of my very favorite quotes:

People who have come to know the joy of God do not deny the darkness, but they choose not to live in it. They claim that the light that shines in the darkness can be trusted more than the darkness itself and that a little bit of light can dispel a lot of darkness. They point each other to flashes of light here and there, and remind each other that they reveal the hidden but real presence of God.

― Henri J.M. Nouwen, quote from The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming

And that is why I am offering four retreats for bereaved moms in 2025.

These are small, intimate gatherings of six to eight moms at my family’s property in the panhandle of Florida offered free of charge to those who come.

Bereaved moms can join me in a quiet, rural setting for a weekend of rest, renewal and restoration through fellowship, study of God’s Word and unfettered sharing of our hearts, our stories and our children.

The theme is “Broken Into Beautiful: Inviting Hope to Heal Our Hearts”.

I’ve had a decade to think about and design the kind of gathering I would have benefited from early on in this journey. We begin on Thursday evening (instead of the traditional Friday evening) to give us additional space and time to get to know one another, to develop relationship and to grow toward trust which promotes profound and breakthrough sharing which leads to healing growth.

I have no illusions.

One weekend is not going to put the pieces back together but one weekend can provide the inspiration and confidence that the pieces can be put back together.

We will never be unblemished or unbroken but we can be beautiful again.

Our stories are part of THE story-the story that God is writing not only for us but for all eternity.

Jesus is our Shepherd King who longs to bind up our wounds.

Mercy and goodness don’t just follow us-they chase us down, overtake us and weave the broken bits into a beautiful testimony of love and faithfulness-if we let them.

Are you ready to bring your heart to the table of grace where hope can begin to heal it?

Then join me for one of these retreats.

I’m praying already for the moms God will invite and for the work Holy Spirit will do.

Be brave.

Available dates are: February 6-9, 2025; May 1-4, 2025; August 7-10, 2025; October 9-12, 2025.

Details here: https://www.heartacheandhope.org/

Heartache and Hope: November Ministry Update

Last month was a wonderful opportunity for ministry firsts!

I hosted the first retreat for bereaved moms and it was a great blessing.

Five women shared their stories, their children and studied the Word of God for several gloriously unhurried days.

We had four structured sessions along with craft time, meals, long chats on the front porch and around a campfire, as well as casual conversation in between. We even caught a rare appearance of the Northern Lights in the Panhandle of Florida!

We ended the last evening with a candlelit time of remembrance.

Each mom (by her own report) came away encouraged, refreshed and better equipped to do the work grief requires. Laughter and tears in abundance!

Thanks to generous donations it was provided at no cost to those in attendance.

Four more retreats will be offered next year so look for dates to be released soon on the website if you’d like to attend.

A few days after returning home, my husband and I hosted the first in-person support group meeting here in Bibb County, Alabama.

There was a light supper and got to know one another a little over our meal. We talked about our children and some tips for surviving the holidays with a broken heart.

Ten parents attended and several came from quite a distance to be there. All expressed gratitude for a safe space where grief was welcome and hope was shared.

There are no other nearby groups for parent in our area so I look forward to hosting these on the third Thursday of most months.

You’ll be able to find the dates under the “Events” section of the website as well as on Facebook.

In January I will share some thoughts on how our perception of time changes after loss and how turning a calendar page can be difficult.

I continue to be humbled by the many individuals-both bereaved parents and those who love them-who message, give and contribute in some way to the this ministry.

I’m still a little overwhelmed with the administration of details but am learning better how to do those things proficiently and in less time.

Who knew you CAN teach an old dog (or at least an older woman!) new tricks?

I figured out how to edit the website and add events with details and the opportunity to RSVP
I am publishing some previously published blog posts directly to Heartache and Hope and sharing them on Facebook which helps raise the profile of the ministry.
I added a direct link in that blog section to thelifeididntchoose.com so folks can find the more than 3,000 posts archived there.
I created a section of downloadable resources that can be accessed and printed from anywhere. Please feel free to download and share these with other bereaved parents or those who love them or minister to them.
I ordered business cards for Heartache and Hope with a QR code for donations on the back. I’ll be handing these to folks at conferences, speaking engagements and when I’m out and about.

Some days I spend all day tracking down tips, asking more tech savvy friends or family for help or simply googling how to undo a giant mess I made trying to make something better.

But I’m truly excited to have the time and energy to invest in reaching out in a new way to bereaved parents.

So what can you do to help the ministry continue to grow?

PRAY! For wisdom, strength, endurance and obedience to follow the Lord where He leads me. Also pray for every heart seeking solace, that the Lord will bring them to this ministry or one of the many others pointing to the hope found in Jesus Christ.
CLICK, CLICK, CLICK! On the website (you don’t even have to read anything) so Google Analytics notices and begins to return it in searches made by bereaved parents.
SHARE, SHARE, SHARE! The website, this blog site, the public Facebook page to help get the word out.
And, if the Lord leads you to join in this work by giving, you can use this link: https://square.link/u/cNen14Q1

Child loss has been my greatest challenge, my deepest pain and my most profound misery.

But is has also been the very place God has met me with the greatest comfort, the deepest compassion and the most profound revelation of Who He is.

In spite of everything I’ve endured, my hope remains unshaken and unshakeable.

The comfort I have received is now mine to give to others.

I am oh, so grateful for your partnership, prayers and encouragement that is making it possible.

May the Lord richly bless you as you have blessed me.

***If you would like me to share with your online or in-person group in 2025, feel free to message me on Facebook Messenger or drop me an email at Godsgrdnr@gmail.com. I’m working on my calendar now and will accept as many invitations as time, energy and resources allow. ***

Broken Into Beautiful: Inviting Hope to Heal Our Hearts

I mentioned yesterday that I’d be spending the weekend at a retreat with other bereaved moms.

I chose the theme, “Broken into Beautiful, because I believe with my whole heart there is no yin/yang dual universe where darkness has power enough to overcome the light. Sin mars creation and wreaks havoc but even all that awful is being woven together into a tapestry of beauty and usefulness that one day will display the glory of God and His love for us.

I also believe that one must make a choice to invite God to transform pain into purpose through His comfort, hope, strength and grace.

So we are settling in this morning with our coffee, Bibles, journals and sweet, sweet time to read about, talk about and digest the promises of God in Christ that can lead us faithfully through the Valley of the Shadow of Death.

We will be exploring prayer-choosing to engage even when we don’t have anything to say and don’t want to listen; perspective-learning to trust truth over feelings; perseverance-doing the next right thing no matter how long the journey; and purpose-sharing our stories for the good of others and to the glory of God.

We will chat over meals and craft times (even for the non-crafty!).

We’ve got a jig saw puzzle going.

We will enjoy afternoon walks on dirt roads, evening campfires and plenty of time to pray with one another in quiet corners.

Every time I gather with moms in these intimate settings, I’m amazed by how the Spirit moves and hearts receive some measure of healing.

I can’t wait to see what He does in us this weekend.

February 2020 Retreat For Bereaved Moms

Retreats are not for everyone.

In fact, I’ve never been the retreat kind of gal myself.

But I’ve changed my mind about one very different type of retreat that has both encouraged my heart and led to deep and lasting friendships with other women who know the pain of child loss.

Since February, 2018 I’ve had the privilege to be part of two unique, intimate and life-giving retreats for bereaved moms.

This February (21-23) will be the third.

This time we are focusing on God’s promises to redeem our pain, to restore our hearts and to weave the broken threads of our lives into a beautiful tapestry that testifies to hope, grace and the faithful love of our faithful Father.

He binds their wounds, heals the sorrows of their hearts.
Psalm 147:2 VOICE

Hope Lee, a fellow mom-in-loss, provides the wonderful facility (a cozy but spacious camp house in the Mississippi countryside) and I facilitate interactive sessions filled with Bible study, sharing and encouragement.

There is plenty of time to just visit, lots of great food and we usually do a fun craft or other slightly zany activity.

It’s a wonderful opportunity to meet other moms whose experience may help you in your journey. It will definitely be a safe space to let your hair down and take your mask off.

I have left each weekend with renewed energy, hope and courage for this often tiresome and lonely road.

Depending where you are in this journey the thought of a weekend away with other bereaved moms may be either terrifying or exciting.

But may I encourage you-whether terrified or excited-to listen to the Spirit? If He is pushing you to step out in faith, do it.

I promise you won’t regret it!

Spaces are limited so call or text Hope at 662-574-8445 today and reserve your spot.

The Healing Power of Fellowship

I spent last weekend with eleven other bereaved moms.

And lest you think, “How sad!”, let me just tell you we had a beautiful time together.

Sure there were tears-how can there not be when talking about the precious children we miss-but there was fun too.

Of course we had somber moments.

Especially as we lit candles in honor of each child whose light lives on even as their physical presence is denied us.

In between Bible study sessions we ate, talked, walked outside and got to know one another.

A game of “Two Truths and a Lie” revealed all kinds of surprises that had us practically falling off our chairs with uproarious laughter.

Even though most of us had never met before, knowing we shared the heartache of child loss drew us together and opened the door to meaningful conversation.

For 72 hours we didn’t have to put our masks on or walk with one foot in the world of the spared and one foot in the world of the deeply wounded.

We were free-gloriously free-to be real and unguarded.

One of the fun things we did was have a Mary Kay consultant come and do facials and makeup. I think we kind of shocked her when she went around the circle asking, “So what are you primary make up concerns?” and over half of us said, “I don’t wear make up.”

Poor woman.

She had no idea that we had long passed the point of faking feelings or saying what someone expects just because they expect it.

I know it was a stretch for some of the moms to make their way to this place they’d never been to and walk into a room full of women they’d never met.

It was a stretch for me to facilitate discussions when I felt I had reached my limit for anything besides staying home for the rest of this year.

But it was worth it.

There is nothing as beautiful as broken hearts gathering together to love, uplift, encourage and listen to one another.

If you have the opportunity and are afraid, please step out.

Take a chance and link arms with fellow grievers.

I promise you will be glad you did.

Heartache, Healing and Hope

I spent last weekend with eleven other bereaved mamas in a small Christian camp in Mississippi*

I’ll be honest-what sounded like a great idea a few months ago had begun to sound like an awful and intimidating idea about three days before I was supposed to go.

Even though I felt more prepared for this event than the Through This Valley Conference in October, I was still filled with trepidation at facilitating five sessions over three days with women I had only “met” online.

I wanted to go.

I wanted to take this next step toward sharing and serving and healing for my own heart. But I was still more than a little scared.

I am so, so glad I went!

Every single mama who came through the door brought one more measure of grace into that cabin. Every heart that cracked open and shared spread the sweet aroma of brokenness and compassion rose up to meet it.

Every tear was acknowledged, every sorrow counted, every story heard.

It was beautiful.

I was overwhelmed by the grace, mercy and love that flowed in, around and through the women there. It was a perfect picture of how God intends the Body of Christ to work!

We were all poured out in service to one another.

No need for a kitchen committee or clean up crew because it was natural to reach out and pitch in.

I am oh, so sorry for the reason that brought us together. But I am absolutely amazed at the blessing that ran like a river through that place.

It was a river of healing and life.

No one left “healed”. But we all left a little better equipped for this journey.

No one received “answers”. But we all left with a few more truths tucked into our belts.

Our hearts are knit together because we chose to show up and be vulnerable.

It is a gift I will carry with me wherever I go.

*If you are looking for a lovely place to hold a children’s camp for your ministry, please consider Abby Acres Christian Camp Facebook Page

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