Tag: grief waves

Christmas 2024: “Get Out of Christmas Free” Card

If your heart cannot bear the thought of one more holly, jolly song, one more hap-hap-happy get together, one more frenzied rush to the store for a forgotten present or pantry item-just choose to sit this one out.

It is possible to go through the month of December without caving in to consumerism or being guilted into celebrating when your heart’s not in it.

Close the blinds.  Let the telephone go to voicemail.  Fast from social media and turn off the TV.  

Read the rest here: “Get Out of Christmas Free” Card

Christmas 2024: Christmas Cards-Yes? No? Maybe?

Getting Christmas cards out on time was always a challenge in my busy household.  

So for the last years of kids at home, we transitioned to sending New Year’s greetings.  It was easier to get a family photo with everyone home for Christmas, there was no artificial deadline to send them and we could include a “thank you” or respond to news in their Christmas letters.

I hadn’t sent anything for three years.  

What could I say?  

And a family photo was out of the question.

Read the rest here: Christmas Cards-Yes? No? Maybe?

Christmas 2024: Why, Oh Why, Is Christmas So Hard???

I first shared this a few years ago when I really thought I should have reached a place in my grief journey where holidays weren’t as difficult as they were at first.

But what I realized then and what has been confirmed since is that every year has new and unique situations that make Christmas a fresh challenge each time.❤

As the eleventh Christmas without Dominic rapidly approaches, I am pondering the question:  “Why, oh why, is Christmas so hard?” 

I think I’ve figured out at least a few reasons why.

Read the rest here: Why, Oh Why, is Christmas So Hard???

Christmas 2024: Why I Still Put Up a Christmas Tree


I confess that I am already exhausted and we are barely into December!

I haven’t yet brought the tree down from the attic but plan to do it early next week.

I’m looking forward to the opportunity to sit and savor the twinkling lights that remind me that darkness doesn’t win.

❤ Melanie

It’s a question every hurting heart has to answer if you celebrate a traditional western Christmas:  Will I put up a tree this year?

I had a few months of lonely travel through the Valley of the Shadow of Death before I had to answer that one.

Dominic left us at Easter, so by December I had learned that wishing didn’t make anything better nor did it make decisions disappear.

As Christmas drew near, I just could not bring down the usual decorations from the attic.

So I didn’t.

Read the rest here: Why I Still Put Up a Christmas Tree

Thanksgiving 2024: Post Holiday Blues

I always like to share this post after a holiday because I never want any hurting heart to think the pain they feel “the day after” is not a normal part of the grief journey.

It is absolutely, positively NORMAL to feel more anxious, more sad, more lonely, more despair once the plates are cleared away and everyone else has returned to their respective homes.

Grief is funny that way-sometimes the very busyness and noisy conversation we dread so much BEFORE a big day turns out to be a good distraction from the quiet desperation and longing that would otherwise demand attention.

And then…in the quiet, in the stillness it all comes crashing down.

It’s a paradox really-that grieving hearts can be more anxious and more sorrowful BEFORE and AFTER a milestone day, birthday or holiday than on the day itself.

That’s not true for everyone, but it’s a frequent comment in our closed bereaved parent groups.

Read the rest here: Post Holiday Blues: When The Grief Comes Crashing Down

A Thanksgiving Morning Prayer for Hurting Hearts

If you woke this morning feeling more broken than blessed, I see you.

If you could care less about the bounty on the table and can only feel the barrenness in your heart, I know how you feel.

Today doesn’t have to be any special way, my friend. Give yourself grace. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel and do what you do and not do what you can’t do.

❤ Melanie

THANKSGIVING PRAYER FOR HURTING HEARTS

Father God,

We live in a world that isn’t always (or even often) what we hope for, pray for and long for.

But here we are.

Two hands open and waiting for the blessing You have promised in our brokenness.

I am oh, so thankful for the many ways You have blessed me, continue to bless me and uphold me with Your righteous right arm. I know, know, know that if You were not walking with me in this Valley, I would have given up and given in long ago.

I am not ungrateful. I am blessed.

But I am also broken.

My heart longs desperately for what it cannot have. I am forced to walk forward but I want to turn back time. I’m grateful for every face around my table but always thinking about the one that will never sit there again.

I miss those I love who have run ahead to joyous celebration in Heaven. I long for just a taste of divine joy as I wait my turn to join them.

Thanksgiving big and loud just isn’t in my playlist anymore. Quiet gratitude that makes space for sorrowful reflection is more my style.

Make me truly thankful for the promise that no matter how often circumstances change or how dreadful those changes may be, You are the same-yesterday, today and forever!

Your steadfast love holds us fast. I rest in that truth.

Help me hold onto hope. Help me hold onto every good and perfect gift You still give me as I wait. Grease the wheels of every relationship with grace.

Greet me this morning with new mercies and fresh strength.

Give me the strength to endure, the grace to participate, the breath to speak love and the confidence that you see every tear I shed when no one is looking.

Amen

Children’s Grief Awareness Day 2024

I’m thankful a day is set aside to focus on children’s grief because it’s so easy for their grief to be overlooked, underrated and even dismissed.

Grown ups often tout the line, “Kids are resilient. They will adapt.”

And while it’s true that from the OUTSIDE it might look like a child is OK or even thriving, on the INSIDE she may be curled up into a ball or he may be angry and resentful.

Read the rest here: Children’s Grief Awareness Day

Just Want You to Know, I’m Sorry.

My son’s death is a point in time for people outside my immediate grief circle. It’s a date on a calendar. There is a period after his name.

But it is an ongoing experience for me and my family.

We don’t only remember on birthdays, holidays and anniversary days, we can never forget.

Yet often others do.

Read the rest here: I’m Sorry

Here are Some Ways to Create Space For Grief During the Holidays

We are days away from plunging headfirst into the rough and tumble holiday season.  

Thanksgiving is coming fast and I don’t know about you, but it seems that once I eat the turkey and dressing, the clock moves faster and the days crowd one another in a race to Christmas and the end of the year.

So I want to take a minute to think about how important it is to make and maintain space for grief during this busy season.

Read the rest here: The Importance of Making Space for Grief During Holidays

An Invitation: Blue Christmas Service

One of the reasons I founded Heartache and Hope, the ministry, was to be able to provide safe spaces-online and in person-for bereaved parents to gather because so often grief is excluded from our tables.

Most holiday celebrations don’t lend themselves to broken hearts expressing how very hard it is to bear up under the pressure to be hap-hap-happy while grieving the loss of a child.

To be honest, I doubt any degree of education or advocacy will change that on a larger scale.

But I want Heartache and Hope to make a difference in our own local community by hosting a “Blue Christmas” service at my home church in Bibb County, Alabama.

So, if you are able, join me Thursday, December 5th at 6:00 PM for an evening of gentle worship, remembrance and prayer-looking to Jesus, the Light of the World and the true meaning of Christmas.

The people who had been living in darkness have seen a great light. The light of life has shined on those who dwelt in the shadowy darkness of death.

~ Isaiah 9:1

My desire is that together we lean into the hope of the Promised One who came as a babe so long ago.

Don’t drag your heart through Advent feeling unseen, unheard and unloved.

Join me.

You can RSVP and get more information here:

https://www.heartacheandhope.org/event-details/blue-christmas