I have to talk to myself all the time.
Literally.
There are some mornings I open my eyes and would do just about anything to be able to stay in bed, hide under the covers and wish the day away.
But I can’t.
So I recite truth until my heart can hear it. I speak courage to my own spirit.
If you are feeling weak and weary today, may I share a few of my favorites?
Read the rest here: Something to Hold On To When You Feel Like Letting Go
It’s hard to sit silent in an age when most of us live with noise nearly 24/7.
Out where I live, surrounded by grass and trees and plenty of room between me and my nearest neighbor, I am used to the quiet.
But it makes many folks uncomfortable.
They hasten to fill any empty airspace with chatter or nervous laughter or music or television or just about anything that means they don’t have to listen to their own thoughts.
It can be tempting, when trying to do the work grief requires to chase away the sorrow and pain with noise.
But that’s unhelpful.
Because you can’t really chase grief anywhere. It’s inside you, part of you, with you wherever you go.
Read the rest here: Silence is a Gift
It may not be this way around the country or around the world, but here in Alabama school has been in session for several weeks and the hot weather along with added commitments makes life a little harder.
After the excitement of posting “first day” photos wears off, routine sets in.
Carpools, music lessons, homework, getting everyone ready to rush out the door...it’s enough to wear anyone down.
That’s when it’s easy to lose sight of what’s important. That’s when the enemy whispers, “You don’t make a difference.”
He’s wrong.
You are shepherding eternal souls.
Don’t give up!
The tyranny of the urgent can push what’s important past the fringes of our attention.
Our vision can be so consumed with the day-to-day until there’s no space for long-term goals or ambitions.
But God has ordained that our children, eternal beings, be set in families.
Read the rest here: Sowing in Tears, Reaping in Joy
When I first began sharing in this space I had absolutely NO IDEA that my words could reach so many hearts in so many places.
I was simply being as transparent as possible in the hopes that others who were walking this road would feel seen, heard and understood.
That was almost nine years ago!
To date, over four million people have visited the site and viewed at least one post.
I’ve gotten message after message from broken hearts who say essentially:
Thank you for telling the truth about child loss. Thank you for speaking honestly about your struggle with faith. Thank you for assuring me that light CAN shine again in darkness.
Sometime in January of this year, I felt the Lord was asking me to step out in faith and expand the ministry. I began prayerfully exploring what it might look like to form a non-profit corporation and seek 501(c)3 status so others could join me in blessing bereaved parents.
With fear and trembling, I filled out the paperwork and sent it into the ether, praying that every jot and tittle was correct.
To my joy and great surprise, I received notification that Heartache and Hope was a really, truly recognized ministry. What I’d been doing for almost a decade was now official!
So what doors are opening in this new chapter?
I’ll be hosting monthly in-person bereaved parent gatherings at my sweet little home church in rural Bibb County, Alabama. It’s an underserved community on every level and when Dominic ran ahead to Heaven there wasn’t a single resource within thirty miles. Too often bereaved parents convince themselves they are alone in their pain. I want to change that for those in my area.
I’m hosting and facilitating some small, intimate retreats for bereaved mothers at our family’s homestead in the Florida Panhandle. The first one is in October and is filled. I’ll be announcing others soon when the website is up. I hope to do these four times a year.
I am already scheduled to share in some other in-person bereaved parent groups in January. If you’d like me to come share in yours, let me know and we can get it on the calendar. (The donations received make it possible for me to do this without asking for travel funds.)
A couple of podcasts have contacted me to set up on-air chats that should be available in the next few months.
I’m working on editing and publishing some of the blog material into booklets that are easy to read and helpful as handouts for the newly bereaved and the not-so-newly bereaved. I will be able to provide these at minimal cost or for a small donation.
I would love the opportunity to speak to pastor groups, healthcare providers, hospice workers, social workers and others who are likely to be the first folks who interact with parents after loss. Please contact me if you know of such a group or can facilitate a gathering.
I will continue to partner with other ministries like Our Hearts are Home by facilitating online book studies and speaking at yearly conferences.
I plan to keep writing.
I am, and will always be, devoted to sharing honestly about my journey and encouraging other hearts along the way.
*If you would like to donate, you may click on the following link:https://square.link/u/cNen14Q1
I was recently told by someone that my world was tiny.
It hurt my heart.
Not because it is factually inaccurate but because the person who said it implied that distance traveled from my front door equaled responsibility and influence. If I don’t wander hither and yon, then I’m inferior. If I don’t have paid employment then whatever I do doesn’t “really” count.
I know many bereaved parents have been forced to scale back commitments, maybe change jobs or retire early, and, like me, lead a smaller life than before.
I’m here to tell you that’s perfectly OK.
Read the rest here: It’s Alright To Be Little Bitty
Since sharing this for the first time years ago, I HAVE expanded my ministry a bit. I’ve established a federally recognized non-profit and will be able to offer my time and resources free of charge to bereaved parents and those who want to support them
If you would like to join with me in ministry to bereaved parents and their families, you can make a tax-deductible donation using this link:
https://square.link/u/cNen14Q1
In April I was privileged to share on the topic “Grief Work” with bereaved parents at the Our Hearts are Home Conference in Lynchburg, Virginia.
I’ll be honest, while I’m not generally anxious about speaking in public, the weightiness of the topic and the responsibility I felt to “get it right” led to many long hours agonizing over content and a few sleepless nights worrying about delivery.
It was recorded and is available on YouTube but I’ve been reticent to share it because:
But I recently posted it on my Facebook page and there has been positive response so here it is for anyone who would like to view it:
I plan to publish a series of posts based on my notes for this presentation which might be easier for some folks to access and use over the next few days so if you are interested in a deeper dive, look for those.
Our Hearts are Home has a number of videos available on their YouTube channel produced by and for bereaved parents on a variety of pertinent topics so if this one isn’t for you, there may well be another that speaks to your heart.
I’d also encourage you to think about registering for the upcoming October conference. There are in-person and online options available.
You can find out more here: https://ourheartsarehome.org/fall-conference
It’s always my hope and prayer that those hearts who gather here are encouraged and equipped to take the next breath, do the next thing and to cling to hope.
Surviving after my son ran ahead to Heaven is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I’m living proof that the God who made us, loves us and longs to come alongside to help us carry this heavy, heavy burden.
I’m here to walk with you, dear heart.
You are not alone.
Busyness has become a national idol-we rush from commitment to commitment, signing up to fill every single minute with something, anything that makes us feel important, valuable, irreplaceable.
Of course we have job and family obligations-as we should-but we don’t feel fully accomplished until we have colored in the edges of our calendar until no white space remains.
Because we think that if we don’t show up, people will miss us. We think that if WE don’t do this or that, it won’t get done. We are absolutely certain that our input is critical to the success of every mission, every committee, every project.
Can I let you in on a little secret? It’s not.
One of the inconvenient and difficult truths that has been burned in my brain since Dominic ran ahead to Heaven is this: his absence didn’t make a bit of difference to the world at large.
Read the rest here: Who’s Gonna Miss You Baby?
I’ve often been the person who refused to go along with some group’s plan to ignore a real issue and try to talk around it.
I usually begin like this, “I know it’s hard to talk about, but let’s be honest and…”
I’m even more inclined in that direction now. If my son’s instant and untimely death has taught me anything, it’s taught me that there’s no use pretending.
So I’m not going to pretend: Western society doesn’t do grief well.
Read the rest here: The Elephant in the Room
I didn’t grow up doing in-depth Bible studies so when I “discovered” the Bible in my early twenties, it was an exciting adventure to dig for treasure in the Word of God.
Along with Scripture itself, I devoured book after book on theology.
I could not get enough.
By my mid-thirties I had developed a fairly well-defined and defensible doctrine. I really thought I understood how God works in the world.
Then my son died.
Read the rest here: On My Worst Days, Mustard Seed Faith is Enough
Part of the reason I share my story is to provide insight for people who haven’t lost a child into the hearts and lives of those who have.
But mainly it is to be a voice for and to encourage other parents walking this valley by letting them know they aren’t alone, their feelings and experiences are perfectly normal and that just as welcoming a child into your family is a life-altering event, saying good-bye to a child is a life-altering event.
We do not expect a mom to “get over” the changes having a baby brings to her everyday experience, and we should not expect a bereaved mom to “get over” the changes burying one brings either.
Want to help? Read: Loving the Grieving Heart
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