retreat

Heartache and Hope: November Ministry Update

Last month was a wonderful opportunity for ministry firsts!

I hosted the first retreat for bereaved moms and it was a great blessing.

Five women shared their stories, their children and studied the Word of God for several gloriously unhurried days.

We had four structured sessions along with craft time, meals, long chats on the front porch and around a campfire, as well as casual conversation in between. We even caught a rare appearance of the Northern Lights in the Panhandle of Florida!

We ended the last evening with a candlelit time of remembrance.

Each mom (by her own report) came away encouraged, refreshed and better equipped to do the work grief requires. Laughter and tears in abundance!

Thanks to generous donations it was provided at no cost to those in attendance.

Four more retreats will be offered next year so look for dates to be released soon on the website if you’d like to attend.

A few days after returning home, my husband and I hosted the first in-person support group meeting here in Bibb County, Alabama.

There was a light supper and got to know one another a little over our meal. We talked about our children and some tips for surviving the holidays with a broken heart.

Ten parents attended and several came from quite a distance to be there. All expressed gratitude for a safe space where grief was welcome and hope was shared.

There are no other nearby groups for parent in our area so I look forward to hosting these on the third Thursday of most months.

You’ll be able to find the dates under the “Events” section of the website as well as on Facebook.

In January I will share some thoughts on how our perception of time changes after loss and how turning a calendar page can be difficult.

I continue to be humbled by the many individuals-both bereaved parents and those who love them-who message, give and contribute in some way to the this ministry.

I’m still a little overwhelmed with the administration of details but am learning better how to do those things proficiently and in less time.

Who knew you CAN teach an old dog (or at least an older woman!) new tricks?

I figured out how to edit the website and add events with details and the opportunity to RSVP
I am publishing some previously published blog posts directly to Heartache and Hope and sharing them on Facebook which helps raise the profile of the ministry.
I added a direct link in that blog section to thelifeididntchoose.com so folks can find the more than 3,000 posts archived there.
I created a section of downloadable resources that can be accessed and printed from anywhere. Please feel free to download and share these with other bereaved parents or those who love them or minister to them.
I ordered business cards for Heartache and Hope with a QR code for donations on the back. I’ll be handing these to folks at conferences, speaking engagements and when I’m out and about.

Some days I spend all day tracking down tips, asking more tech savvy friends or family for help or simply googling how to undo a giant mess I made trying to make something better.

But I’m truly excited to have the time and energy to invest in reaching out in a new way to bereaved parents.

So what can you do to help the ministry continue to grow?

PRAY! For wisdom, strength, endurance and obedience to follow the Lord where He leads me. Also pray for every heart seeking solace, that the Lord will bring them to this ministry or one of the many others pointing to the hope found in Jesus Christ.
CLICK, CLICK, CLICK! On the website (you don’t even have to read anything) so Google Analytics notices and begins to return it in searches made by bereaved parents.
SHARE, SHARE, SHARE! The website, this blog site, the public Facebook page to help get the word out.
And, if the Lord leads you to join in this work by giving, you can use this link: https://square.link/u/cNen14Q1

Child loss has been my greatest challenge, my deepest pain and my most profound misery.

But is has also been the very place God has met me with the greatest comfort, the deepest compassion and the most profound revelation of Who He is.

In spite of everything I’ve endured, my hope remains unshaken and unshakeable.

The comfort I have received is now mine to give to others.

I am oh, so grateful for your partnership, prayers and encouragement that is making it possible.

May the Lord richly bless you as you have blessed me.

***If you would like me to share with your online or in-person group in 2025, feel free to message me on Facebook Messenger or drop me an email at Godsgrdnr@gmail.com. I’m working on my calendar now and will accept as many invitations as time, energy and resources allow. ***

Broken Into Beautiful: Inviting Hope to Heal Our Hearts

I mentioned yesterday that I’d be spending the weekend at a retreat with other bereaved moms.

I chose the theme, “Broken into Beautiful, because I believe with my whole heart there is no yin/yang dual universe where darkness has power enough to overcome the light. Sin mars creation and wreaks havoc but even all that awful is being woven together into a tapestry of beauty and usefulness that one day will display the glory of God and His love for us.

I also believe that one must make a choice to invite God to transform pain into purpose through His comfort, hope, strength and grace.

So we are settling in this morning with our coffee, Bibles, journals and sweet, sweet time to read about, talk about and digest the promises of God in Christ that can lead us faithfully through the Valley of the Shadow of Death.

We will be exploring prayer-choosing to engage even when we don’t have anything to say and don’t want to listen; perspective-learning to trust truth over feelings; perseverance-doing the next right thing no matter how long the journey; and purpose-sharing our stories for the good of others and to the glory of God.

We will chat over meals and craft times (even for the non-crafty!).

We’ve got a jig saw puzzle going.

We will enjoy afternoon walks on dirt roads, evening campfires and plenty of time to pray with one another in quiet corners.

Every time I gather with moms in these intimate settings, I’m amazed by how the Spirit moves and hearts receive some measure of healing.

I can’t wait to see what He does in us this weekend.

We ALL Need a Little Affirmation Now and Then. Yes, Your Grief is Normal.

Today, five other bereaved moms will join me for a weekend retreat where we will share our stories, our children, laughter and tears.

Each of us brings something unique to the experience and each of us will walk away with something different to ponder in our hearts.

But one of the things I’ve discovered over and over when bereaved parents get together is this: we ALL still (even after years, decades) need affirmation that what we are feeling, thinking and struggling with is absolutely, positively normal.

❤ Melanie

Do you want to know one of the most repeated questions in grief support groups?

It is, “Am I normal?”

In the midst of great loss,

in the middle of reconstructing a life that includes a giant hole,

while struggling to place one foot in front of the other,

parents who have buried a child are often worried about whether what they feel and how they act is “normal”.

Grieving a child is a complex and life-long process as I wrote about here: Am I Normal?

Oh, To Be Understood! What a Blessing.

Today I’ll toss all the random bits and pieces I’ve assembled for this weekend’s retreat into my car and drive away.

I’m always a little nervous until I’m far enough down the road that turning back isn’t a realistic option.

Even though this is the third retreat in the same place with some of the same moms (plus some new ones) I always fret over whether or not the message God gave me is the one that will bless their hearts.

But I have to trust in this as in all things and keep moving.

One thing that is always, always, always a blessing-Every. Single. Time.-is the compassionate companionship of women who, like me, know what it is to bury a child.

I try to encourage every heart that might even think about joining us with this: you can be yourself.

No mask*No filter*No worrying about whether or not your tears will upset the person next to you*No wondering if your questions or queries or doubts will be considered a failure of faith*No need to hide the ugly truth that child loss is awful and time does NOT heal all wounds.

There’s nothing magical about this retreat or these moms.

It’s simply a shared experience, a shared commitment to transparency and a shared trust in the Word of God that makes our time together fruitful, strengthening and restorative.

So if you have an opportunity to join or create a small group in your neck of the woods, centered on the truth of who God is, founded on the principle of transparent sharing and committed to creating a safe space where masks are unnecessary-go for it!

You will never be sorry you did. ❤

February 2020 Retreat For Bereaved Moms

Retreats are not for everyone.

In fact, I’ve never been the retreat kind of gal myself.

But I’ve changed my mind about one very different type of retreat that has both encouraged my heart and led to deep and lasting friendships with other women who know the pain of child loss.

Since February, 2018 I’ve had the privilege to be part of two unique, intimate and life-giving retreats for bereaved moms.

This February (21-23) will be the third.

This time we are focusing on God’s promises to redeem our pain, to restore our hearts and to weave the broken threads of our lives into a beautiful tapestry that testifies to hope, grace and the faithful love of our faithful Father.

He binds their wounds, heals the sorrows of their hearts.
Psalm 147:2 VOICE

Hope Lee, a fellow mom-in-loss, provides the wonderful facility (a cozy but spacious camp house in the Mississippi countryside) and I facilitate interactive sessions filled with Bible study, sharing and encouragement.

There is plenty of time to just visit, lots of great food and we usually do a fun craft or other slightly zany activity.

It’s a wonderful opportunity to meet other moms whose experience may help you in your journey. It will definitely be a safe space to let your hair down and take your mask off.

I have left each weekend with renewed energy, hope and courage for this often tiresome and lonely road.

Depending where you are in this journey the thought of a weekend away with other bereaved moms may be either terrifying or exciting.

But may I encourage you-whether terrified or excited-to listen to the Spirit? If He is pushing you to step out in faith, do it.

I promise you won’t regret it!

Spaces are limited so call or text Hope at 662-574-8445 today and reserve your spot.

The Healing Power of Fellowship

I spent last weekend with eleven other bereaved moms.

And lest you think, “How sad!”, let me just tell you we had a beautiful time together.

Sure there were tears-how can there not be when talking about the precious children we miss-but there was fun too.

Of course we had somber moments.

Especially as we lit candles in honor of each child whose light lives on even as their physical presence is denied us.

In between Bible study sessions we ate, talked, walked outside and got to know one another.

A game of “Two Truths and a Lie” revealed all kinds of surprises that had us practically falling off our chairs with uproarious laughter.

Even though most of us had never met before, knowing we shared the heartache of child loss drew us together and opened the door to meaningful conversation.

For 72 hours we didn’t have to put our masks on or walk with one foot in the world of the spared and one foot in the world of the deeply wounded.

We were free-gloriously free-to be real and unguarded.

One of the fun things we did was have a Mary Kay consultant come and do facials and makeup. I think we kind of shocked her when she went around the circle asking, “So what are you primary make up concerns?” and over half of us said, “I don’t wear make up.”

Poor woman.

She had no idea that we had long passed the point of faking feelings or saying what someone expects just because they expect it.

I know it was a stretch for some of the moms to make their way to this place they’d never been to and walk into a room full of women they’d never met.

It was a stretch for me to facilitate discussions when I felt I had reached my limit for anything besides staying home for the rest of this year.

But it was worth it.

There is nothing as beautiful as broken hearts gathering together to love, uplift, encourage and listen to one another.

If you have the opportunity and are afraid, please step out.

Take a chance and link arms with fellow grievers.

I promise you will be glad you did.

Heartache, Healing and Hope

I spent last weekend with eleven other bereaved mamas in a small Christian camp in Mississippi*

I’ll be honest-what sounded like a great idea a few months ago had begun to sound like an awful and intimidating idea about three days before I was supposed to go.

Even though I felt more prepared for this event than the Through This Valley Conference in October, I was still filled with trepidation at facilitating five sessions over three days with women I had only “met” online.

I wanted to go.

I wanted to take this next step toward sharing and serving and healing for my own heart. But I was still more than a little scared.

I am so, so glad I went!

Every single mama who came through the door brought one more measure of grace into that cabin. Every heart that cracked open and shared spread the sweet aroma of brokenness and compassion rose up to meet it.

Every tear was acknowledged, every sorrow counted, every story heard.

It was beautiful.

I was overwhelmed by the grace, mercy and love that flowed in, around and through the women there. It was a perfect picture of how God intends the Body of Christ to work!

We were all poured out in service to one another.

No need for a kitchen committee or clean up crew because it was natural to reach out and pitch in.

I am oh, so sorry for the reason that brought us together. But I am absolutely amazed at the blessing that ran like a river through that place.

It was a river of healing and life.

No one left “healed”. But we all left a little better equipped for this journey.

No one received “answers”. But we all left with a few more truths tucked into our belts.

Our hearts are knit together because we chose to show up and be vulnerable.

It is a gift I will carry with me wherever I go.

*If you are looking for a lovely place to hold a children’s camp for your ministry, please consider Abby Acres Christian Camp Facebook Page

As a kid our family made a yearly pilgrimage to the Gulf Coast-back when the beaches were wide open vistas, the water see-through green and the days long and unhurried.

We didn’t spend money on the “attractions” or tourist trap souvenir shops-we got up early to watch the sun rise and spent the remainder of the day back and forth between the beach and the water.

I loved to find a spot that was about waist deep and feel the waves move across my body-up and down, up and down-floating in rhythm to the world’s heartbeat.

But every so often a wave would surprise me, crash over my head unannounced and break the cycle of gentle rocking with a sputter-inducing plunge beneath the salty sea.

As long as the giant waves were few and far between, I could recover, regather my sense of well-being and continue to enjoy the water.

But when the first wave marked a change in the tide or an incoming storm and was followed by more and more of the same, I knew it was time to move toward shore.

I could withstand one or two of these but if there was no chance to catch my breath in between I was going under.

This past week has been a deluge of waves.

Waves of grief,

waves of regret,

waves of disappointment,

waves of discouagement.

No storm clouds on the horizon. No major life events or grief anniversaries-just a turning of the tide.

And so I find myself retreating a bit.

Backtracking from progress I thought I had made. Retracing steps and repeating cycles I though I had left behind.

I suspect that most of us have weeks like this.

You don’t have to bury a child to beg Jesus to make things whole again-to bring hope to your heart again-to ask Him to calm the storm and save you from destruction.

Ebb and flow. Waves and calm. Storms and sunshine. Life is made up of all of these.

I am confident that Jesus is the Peace-speaker. He can calm the wind and the waves.

I want to have faith. I want to learn to call out in trust and not doubt.

I’m working on that and waiting for His Spirit to work on it in me.

But as I wait, I’m going to have to sit on shore for awhile.

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: