When I started writing here I had two primary goals.
The first was to share what I was experiencing-how child loss impacted every aspect of my life and the life of my family.
The second was to allow those outside the loss community a glimpse into what it was like inside and how they could develop a compassionate and helpful response to their grieving friends.
For nearly seven years those goals didn’t change.
But recently I was asked (in the context of business) what kind of work I do and I answered (without thinking) that I was a “Grief Guide”.
It fell out of my mouth before I had a chance to edit my words.
I’ve thought a lot about that exchange since and realized it was an honest answer. Although I’d also add that I am a “Grief Advocate”-not that I hope others grieve but I will absolutely, positively stand up for those who ARE grieving.
It felt right at the time and, I realized, it IS right for me, for now.
I’m in the process of trying to do more long form writing.
I’m gathering notes from what I’ve shared at conferences, at retreats, in person and online interviews and podcasts to create content that could be published into a book or an anthology of short essays.
It’s helpful to me and I hope, eventually, it will be helpful to others.
I don’t think my experience is unique or definitive.
There are so many ways children leave this world and every family is its own community of loss. I can’t speak for those whose child went to Heaven through long illness or addiction or suicide. I hope the Lord raises up those who experienced that type of loss to share their own stories.
I can speak to the horror and earth shattering experience of sudden death.
I can speak as a person of faith to the long and painful process of integrating my lived experience with my beliefs and understanding of who God is and how He works in the world.
I can speak to the difficulty of parenting (even adult) surviving children and the tightrope I walk managing grief and longing for the one missing with the love and joy of three still with me.
I can speak to the way life grows around grief and the strength I’ve developed over time which allows me to participate fully in the NOW while holding the BEFORE in my heart.
I can let friends and family outside our immediate grief circle know about the constant background music loss hums in my ears and the ears of others also mourning a child. There is always a low level (sometimes a greater level!) drain on any energy-emotional, physical, psychological-I may have on a given day.
I can share how Western society doesn’t provide safe space in the larger context of social gatherings, faith communities and other public places for grievers to just grieve. There is so much pressure to let the funeral or memorial service mark and end to outward expression of sadness, loss, missing and longing.
I continue to face fresh challenges in this journey which provide new insight and require new courage.
I suspect I will until the day I join Dominic in Heaven.
My passion for paving the way for those who will (sadly) follow on this journey of child loss has not dimmed.
❤
thelifeididntchoose 